The Process of Writing.....

Chapter 1, page 1, first word..... THE, no that's not right..uh... A... A gorilla walks into a bar...nope uh... A gorilla GOES into a bar..... A gorilla from the Circus goes into a bar..... no, The Circus comes to town... that's a better start get the over view of the larger action right up front. A circus is a good image anything can happen at a Circus... I like that.... So.... The Circus comes to town and the gorilla goes into a bar. Would it be THE bar or A bar. I guess the town would have more than one.... Maybe it should be a monkey.... Circus monkey that's better. Monkeys are funnier than Gorillas... I think... The Circus comes to town and a monkey goes into the bar to order a drink. Maybe he should clime up on the stool, clime, that doesn't seem right... clime, he climes up on the.... wait it's spelled CLIMB. What is that all about a silent B? Who made that rule. Who is the spelling sheriff anyway... wasn't there a time ..... sorry... timb when you could spell words anyway you wanted.

Like the word subtle, why isn't it suttle, That isn't even a word in the dictionary, it's not being used. I can understand if you already had the word suttle in the dictionary and it meant something like "yell loudly in a crowd"... like He suttled a curse word at the referee. That would be the absolute opposite of being subtle, so you would have to put a B in the word so you wouldn't get the two confused, you know like to and too and two or their, they're, and there. That's obviously what happened to CLIMB.... CLIME is already a word that means something else about the climate or something. That makes sense to me but that's not what they do with subtle... they create an original word with a silent B even though the easy spelling is just sitting at the dictionary office on a shelf waiting to be assigned. That's another thing... teachers used to tell me if I didn't know how to spell something look it up in the dictionary. Doesn't a dictionary list the words in alphabetical order according to spelling? How do you find out how to spell something when the only way to find it is to spell it out. I can't tell you how many times you can go to the dictionary trying to find a word like suttle and it isn't there. Seems like right next to it they should put... "actually spelled subtle" because the people who write dictionaries should be smart enough to figure that out.

Speaking of that who writes dictionaries? Wasn't that Samuel Johnson or.... Webster, Daniel Webster.... Webster's Dictionary.... do you think he started with A words or just the words that came into his head first? That's the way I would do it, just start with the easy words. First one would be quill, cause he was probably writing with a quill pen... then ink. uh.... UH.... what was I just thinking? Wait, Wait, I almost had it again... oh yeah. The Circus comes to town and a monkey goes into the bar, climbs up on the stool to order a drink. Too long of a set up.... needs to be shorter... to the point.... A Circus monkey walks into a bar and says to the bartender...now I'm rolling the monkey is going to order a drink say a Bananna no banannnaa, no crap banana... he will order a banana daquari ..... dackery..... banana dquary.... screw it... orders a beer. A Circus monkey walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey my good bar keep I wish to order one of your fine beers........... that doesn't sound like a monkey, sounds like Frazier.... maybe that is funny if the monkey talks like Frazier...... Would you be so kind, my good man as to ply your craft and draft me one of your fine.... finest What time is it? oh time for lunch.... well what have I got so far? A Circus monkey walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Would you be so kind, my good man as to ply your craft and draft me one of your fine.... finest" Okay.... okay that works I think I'll knock off for the day.

As you were,

Jay

Friends?

My friend Harry Anderson treated me to a movie and my favorite snacks on my birthday last summer. That's just the kind of guy he is.

He returned with this:

That's also the kind of guy he is.

Now that he is not doing a regular television series I think he has way too much time on his hands. For more on the Anderson/Johnson saga you can refer to a former blog.

Harry Anderson BFF or BFD

So Howard if you are still reading.... I can say *nice* things about people as well.

As you were,
Jay

The Hollywood Tour Bus

Sandi is gone for the week and I am by myself for awhile. She is always up before me to bring in the morning paper. That's up to me for the next few days.

So yesterday I slowly wake up, throw on an old bathrobe that looks a little like a bad ceremonial cape Gandolf wouldn't wear and head out to get the Times. I haven't had my coffee yet and my appearance would scare small dogs and children.

The street in front of our house is one of the only streets that goes straight through from Magnolia to Ventrua Blvd. It's a short cut that saves a lot of time for those who know about it. It doesn't get excessive traffic but enough to have speed bumps installed. One of those bumps is right in front of my drive which means most cars slow way down just at that point.

I bend over to pick up the paper when a Hollywood Star Tours bus slows down for the bump, it almost comes to a complete stop right in front of my house. I am at that moment effectively mooning the bus that takes "out of towners" to see where the stars live.

Now, my street is not a tourist destination and it is too early for an actual tour. Although I can't see through the windows I assume it is empty. Most probably the bus driver was just cutting through to get to his destination to start his day. But it made me laugh. I stand up straighten my medevial garb and waved like I was Miss America on the pagent run way.

I thought about my appearance out there in the drive and it reminded me of a line from the act of my comic friend Ralph Achilles. It goes like this: "Do you know why old men have their pants hiked way up high and wear house shoes to the hardware store? (Insert... dress like a bad wizard) Because they aren't trying to get lucky, they're just trying to be comfortable and keep their pants up."

Well, I guess that's me... I'm not trying to get lucky... I'm just going to get the paper. I hate to think it has anything to do with my age. I'm still 32 in my mind.

I have to go to the Home Depot now, so I need to find those comfortable house shoes.

As you were,
Jay

Talk Shows

Here is an idea to improve the quality of late night Talk Shows. How about paying more attention to the guests than the host? Instead of paying a host millions of dollars to carry a show, why don't they just book more entertaining people to perform on the show.

I am old enough to remember Ed Sullivan. He was no comic or even a pleasant entertainer. He looked very much like a talking cadaver that they propped up to fill the space between the acts. I couldn't see that he had any discernible skills except that he had and eye for talent. But I would never miss the show because I got to see great performers. He included jugglers, magicians, circus acts, Opera singers and yes even several ventriloquists were regulars.

I am tired of the parade of authors and actors that are only there to promote the sale of their books or movies. One of David Letterman's best weeks, a couple of years ago, was ventriloquist week. That opinion is based not on the fact that I was a part of it, the ratings were really good. As it turned out Jeff Dunham and I were the only ones of the group with anything to promote other than our acts. It was just entertainment not part of a promotional tour.

When studios send an actor or publishers send an author on a promo tour they do any show that will put them on the air, and any magazine that will give them space. They say the same things about the same movie and show the same clips. You see the same questions asked by different hosts, local and national with the same stock actor answers.

Johnny Carson used to have guests that were just great guests with nothing to promote. Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, George Burns, Jimmy Stewart to name a few. They used to book talk shows like they were trying to entertain the audience not just sell the next movie. When was the last time you saw a celebrity on a talk show who wasn't pushing some new project? There is a great wealth of variety acts and entertainers that are great but don't have a movie to promote. When was the last time anybody had Jonathan Winters on their show just because he is a fascinating guy?

The reason? The current stock of talk show hosts can't carry on a conversation with an actor or entertainer without 20 questions prepared by the movie studio publicist. Here is a shout out to the network suits, the talk show producers and all the "late night funny guys" trying to jockey for a late night rating. Book some performers on the show, not just stand up comedians. Keep the comedians but how about a really funny magician, or plate spinner, ventriloquist or some of the great acts you can only see now on YouTube. There is a wealth of talent out there waiting for a the call and the chance.

I don't care who's the host if it's a really great show. It seems pretty simple to me... but what do I know... I just like to be entertained.

As you were,
Jay

NO BLOG TODAY ---
STARE AT THE MIDDLE OF THIS ILLUSTRATION...
DOCTORS SAY IT WILL EVENTUALLY DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
HAVE A NICE DAY...

Wheeere's Johnny?

I did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson seven times. I grew up wanting to perform on the Tonight Show and the only host I ever knew was Johnny Carson. He remains one of my idols. I just think there was never anyone better than him in that format.

I was discussing this with a friend who also did the Carson Tonight Show many times. We were talking about the Late Night situation currently. (Actually we were talking about how I put "my foot in my blog" and accidentally entered the fray... anyway) We wondered if the landscape of television has changed so much that a Johnny Carson couldn't be relative in today's market. Maybe today his style wouldn't work.

Say you could resurrect Carson in his prime and put him on the air today? I think he would be king again. Real talent is not of an era, nor a product of a specific socio-economic time. Real talent just is. Johnny was smart, witty and charming. He was funny but did not have a "comic's personality".

By that I mean most comics are loners. They are on stage alone and don't share space very well. They have to be the one's with the first joke, dominate the conversation and always be performing. Johnny's secret talent was being a good listener a reactor to comedy as much as the originator. He could get more laughs off his reaction to a failed joke than a successful one. He was the master of the Jack Benny take, the hilarious silence of impeccable timing. He let you shine and he was there to keep you going, feed you the line, add to the roll when appropriate. You never thought he was tying to "one up you" or jump on your laugh. He made you feel so at ease it was not a struggle to talk to him. (Nervous as a cat I did it seven time and he made even me look good)

Today all the talk show hosts, with the exception of Craig Furguson come from a career in Stand up. They just don't know how to be a raconteur. They really don't know how to talk to a guest to make them look their best. They are not listening they are structuring the next joke. They want to top the guest, get the last laugh. But isn't it called a Talk show.... not a "listen to me crack wise show".

Johnny would have found his audience. He found them for 30 years. He handled the love child 60's, the disco 70's, the Reagan 80's, and left as star in the early 90's. If his talent was of a time, then time would have caught up with him. It didn't, he left on top.

Johnny would be 84 this year. Too old to help NBC through the storm. What a shame. We miss you Johnny. Do you understand the void you left? Please reincarnate soon.... we need you more than ever.

As you were,

Jay

Really?

There are two yes/no buttons that need to be activated when you set up a blog. Here is the exact explanation of what the choices mean (copied straight from the settings menu):

When both options are set to "NO" it means that the blog is not public. It will not be crawled by any search engines and it will not be listed anywhere. It still has an address that anyone can go to, but you have to go to that specific address.

I have this blog set to "NO" in both cases. In fact the picture above is a screen clip of the actual settings.

This means if I mention anyone by name in my blog, say Abraham Lincoln or Jay Leno, no one can Google those names and find a search reference listing my blog as containing those names. For those who want the maximum readership this is a bad thing because no one finds the blog unless specifically looking for it. I only have 6 subscribers. I really have no idea who besides my family, friends and a few select fans actually read this "semi-daily self-serving homily".

That is why it is puzzling to me that in a blog with over 750 separate entries, which can not be crawled or searched, Howard Stern could find the one essay I wrote talking smack about Jay Leno. Although I was at sea and didn't actually hear Howard's show last Monday... from the commotion it caused, it seems that he read some of my blog on the air.

I feel like I got caught passing notes in class and the teacher read it to everyone. I should have used better judgment than to write it... but I did. I will know better next time.

But I keep coming back to "how my silly story became grist for Howard Stern?" It's like that old joke:
An actor comes home to find his house has been robbed, vandalized and his wife beaten and raped. He says, "Oh my God who did this." The wife said, "It was your agent, he came by and when he saw you weren't her he did this." The actor thinks for a minute and says excitedly, "My agent came to the *house*?"

Howard Stern read my blog??

Well, there you go. The entry that caused the fuss has been taken down. There is a feeling among some of the regulars that I should have left it up... but I'm ready to move on. Writing explanations and clarifications would cause the discussion to make smaller and smaller concentric circles around the issue until it would eventually fly up its own literary asshole.

(Oh I saved the offending rant on my hard drive.... For an original copy send $5 and a self addressed stamped envelope to ---)

As you were,
Jay

Yipes

It seems this blog has taken on a life of its own since I have been at sea.
I am very sorry about the negativity it has generated, and the firestorm it caused. I never wanted to insert myself into an episode of "national personality bashing" or hurt the feelings of a good friend. It seems in a momentary lapse of judgment I have done both.

In my mind I was standing up for one of my good friends who I thought was being taken advantage of. He is far to nice to write a blog like I did or even complain about it. Turns out I didn't have the facts straight and he was not unhappy at all until my words hit the national airwaves.

I take credit and responsibility for everything I wrote and am not hiding behind some screen name. I realize now that negativity has a way of spreading exponentially and I should have known better than to engage in it.

Mike thanks for taking my call and setting me straight. I still think you are too nice to run a comedy club, but since you have been doing it successfully for 30 years what do I know.

Jimmy you are still the nicest guy in show business.

Jay are we going to have to go through this every time you change jobs?

Lastly...
When they make the movie out of this story... can I play Lacey?

As you were,
Jay
www.monkeyjoke.com

I was wrong....one more day on board.... Go home tomorrow.
Where am I and what day it this again?
More later......

As you were,
Jay

What day is it anyway?

Lost all sense of time... Tired of "ship food"....
One more day at sea and fly home tomorrow. Ole'...

As you were,
Jay

NO BLOG TODAY--- BUT LOOK CLOSELY. IS THIS MOVING OR NOT?

Day Three at Sea

Another Mexican Port of call..... more tee shirts and silver jewelery.
They are serving tacos on board ship at that buffet. One lady thought they were very authentic...
I don't think that qualifies as local cuisine.

As you were,
Jay

Day two at Sea...

Mexican Port of Call..... lots of tee shirts and pottery piggy banks.

As you were,
Jay

Day One at Sea

Lot of water... very warm.

As you were,
Jay

Lucky Coin

Just a side note. Typing by thumb and blackberry at the airport.

I left in a fog this morning and forgot to put change in my pocket. I knew after the first cup of coffee I bought I would have change but my "magic" coin would not with me this trip.

I always carry a foreign coin in my pocket. The only requirement is that it be a different size or shape than any American coin so I can easily find it in a pocket full of coins.

This started years ago in college as a coin to do magic tricks and practice rolling across my knuckles. I have nervous energy and it helps. Well it has become a tradition, sort of a good luck symbol for a long time.

I have had several, they eventually get lost, I say they move on and I replace it with another. I have never done a show in the last 30 years that a "magic coin" was not in my pocket on stage. The Wiz (my production stage manager) still checks to see if I have the coin in my pocket before I go on stage for "The two and only".

Sandi drove me to the airport this morning and I mentioned my lucky coin wasn't with me. Not being as superstitious as me she pretty much said I would get over it and be fine.

She is right, and I decide this will be the time I no longer need to carry a magic coin on stage with me.

I get to Starbucks at the airport and there is a large foreign coin sitting alone on top of the cash register that catches my eye. I ask, and the cashier who doesn't know anything about it; doesn't know what it is or how it got there. I get my change and say "You want to sell me that coin for a dollar?" She jumped at the chance. I have a new magic coin. Very odd after my conversation to the airport. It is a Hong Kong 5 dollar piece. I like it.

Just as I am ready to move past the need for a magic coin, another one finds me. I see it as a very positive sign. You may see it as an over active imagination. We are both right.

As you were,
Jay

www.monkeyjoke.com

A Picture is Worth...

Carl Reiner holding and pointing to my Playbill for "The Two and Only"?

You know sometimes you just can't come up with a caption that is any better than the picture.

I am off at sea and may not get to blog regularly for the week. I will post when I can. But until the next...

As you were,
Jay

Vent Documentaries

I guess when it rains it pours. Now there seem to be two documentaries about ventriloquism in the public consciousness. That sounds like the punch line to a joke. Probably not since De LaChapell's paper in the 1700's on "Engastrometh" has there been this much interest in ventriloquism.

"Dumbstruck" (a vent. doc.) seems to have gotten some interest at the Palm Springs Film Festival. I haven't seen it but know the vents they showcase, and from the reviews and remarks it seems to treat ventriloquism with the respect it is due. Dedicating one's life to a dream, no matter what the dream, is an interesting narrative, one I think I would like to see. I am looking forward to seeing it when it is available for public viewing.

"I'm No Dummy" is now available for sale at Amazon.com. I think they are offering a discount before the official release date. There has not been a huge announcement about it. My advice to all who would be interested in this documentary, buy it now quickly.

It is it still the subject of an on-going frivolous lawsuit and although I think once the dummy dust has settled it will prevail, there is no guarantee. Now days the legal system is not about right and wrong, justice or injustice, it is about who has the deepest pocket to keep funding delays and filings. Right now the person attempting to block it has a very deep pocket.

Either way it is a win to own. It is a good documentary on ventriloquism to have in your collection and if the bullies prevail in blocking the release, then it will surely become a collectors item. I know guys who are buying several copies in speculation of the final legal ruling. My brain runs toward the artistic and not commercial so I was never very good at that kind of memorabilia speculation.

Anyway. I hope that the current interest in ventriloquism opens up some more venues for us all to perform. The current interest should not be a wind fall for the few, but a payday for all.

As you were,
Jay

No More Mr. Nice Guy

(Original Post pulled by the author)

I realize now that negativity has a way of spreading exponentially and I should have known better than to engage in it.

In my attempt to be Dominique Dunne I lost perspective.

As you were,
Jay

Why Asprin was Invented!

History

I have been watching a lot of History channel recently. I used to call it the Hitler Channel because it seemed all they did were stories on Hitler for a time . Now they are doing end of the world prophecies, so I refer to it as the Hysterical Channel. Recently they were trying to coordinate the Bible and Nostradamus into a unified prediction of doom. They have made December 21, 2012 almost a doomsday holiday. If the end of the world doesn't happen then, there will be millions of viewers who will revolt. Happy programing, just what you want to hear before going to bed.

I'm not sure I believe that the world is a spiritual time bomb set to go off at a certain time that only old French poets can discern. However, I would be willing to believe in the rapture if the first one to vanish from the planet would be Pat Robertson.

Pat once again shows that, in the name of religion, he trades compassion for judgment when he says that the Hatia earthquake was punishment for an 1840 pack the early founders made with the devil. Really Pat? You can say that in 2010 with a straight face?

There is supposed to be a thousand years of peace and harmony on the earth after the Rapture. Could there be a connection between peace and the fact that people like Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed, Sarah Palin and James Dobson will be taken away already?

I am not a religious scholar and don't pretend to be. However, based upon what I see of television religion they seem to always be asking for money. Evidently you can buy your way past the gates of judgment for the right donation. With the double speak of the devil himself Pat Robertson asks for donations offering freedom from judgment while he judges plate tectonics to be the work of the devil. One more time, Really Pat?

Having lived through a 6.7 earthquake in a house that was built to a code to withstand a quake my heart goes out to the people of Hatia. If my Rector scale is correct a 7.0 is 30 times more powerful than the 6.7. I don't see how it helps to call them devil worshipers. It isn't very Christian, or Muslim or Jewish or Hindu or Buddhist it's just plain wrong. The least we can do is give them a kind thought if nothing else.

As you were,
Jay

The Tonight Show

They say it is a sign of age when you don't want things to change. Older people want things to be exactly like they were, like they remember them. So, I'm not sure if it is a sign of age or tradition or the fact that the Tonight Show has always been a true television icon for me that I hate to see the Late Night fight that is happening now.

I am not a Jay Leno fan. In fact I think he could be one of the worst hosts the show has ever had. But he was good enough to keep the franchise going and those too young to have seen a real master like Johnny Carson in the role, might not know the difference. Leno is now positioned to strike the last blow at a show that is 55 years old. That is not middle age for a television show, that is ancient since the average life of a television show today is less than 6 weeks.

If Jay preempts the Tonight Show with his "talk show lite" it will knock the Tonight Show out of it's slot. Were he to take over the show if Conan were to quit, I'm not sure that he can regain the roll he once had. Jay should just retire and do his live shows, or play with his 16 million dollar car collection or just go away and leave us alone. He stopped being funny about 17 years ago, and never learned how to conduct an intelligent interview.

I don't know much about Conan O'Brien but it is his turn. Let's give him a chance to see if he can make the old Tonight Show a "must see" like the old days. I know it will never be the heady days of Johnny or the crazy days of Steve Allen, nor will it be the roller coaster of Jack Parr, but Jay has had his turn. Time to move on.

As you were,
Jay (the other one)

The House at the Beach

It was actually a sunny day in August when I took this picture at Corporation Beach in Dennis, Mass. I had been to the Edward Gorey house the day before and I guess I was in a Gorey mood. The house looked sort of spooky to me that day. When I returned home I used some Photo Shop filters to make it look more like it did in my imagining.

I guess I was thinking about Cape Cod and the Cape Playhouse today because I am decompressing from the York. There was a strong connection between the two runs. Steve Bearse who ran my sound at the Playhouse came in to New York to run my sound at the York Theatre. Bailey, one of the girls lighting girls at the Playhouse, came from Boston to see the show; and Chris, the lighting tech for the Cape Playhouse, happened to be in New York on business and he came by. It was a reunion of Cape Playhouse people. We missed Evans Haile, the Artistic Director, who normally would be in New York City, but was intervening to save a theatre in Florida from the wreckers during that week end.

The wonderful thing about the Two and Only is the people it attracts. Not just the audience, which is very special, but the crew and designers as well. There is an alumni of wonderful artists who have participated in the show and become a part of its theatrical fabric. With every remount there is more patina to the subtext contributed by wonderfully talented people.

I am glad to be an artist with a job that lets me hang around other artists. It is a blessing that the capitalist who only sees dollar signs in a project will never know. Here is a shout out to all the artists who have become part of The Two and Only"... Thank you very much.
As you were,
Jay

Plane from Hell

It was a long and arduous journey back from New York City. (Yes arduous, I looked it up and it is the perfect adjective). I have rambled on before about being spoiled to business or first class seats on a plane. After accumulating two and three quarter million miles and permanent Platinum status on American Airlines alone (not counting the miles on United and Delta) I have earned the right to upgrade when I get the chance. If there is no chance to upgrade I get first choice of exit row seating which is a small advantage over the regular coach seat.

However, nothing is certain and when the carrier needs to change equipment, with different exit seating and fewer upgrade seats you can get stuck in regular coach seat 27B next to an over weight 6 foot 4 guy sitting in 27A and 27A and a half. His love handles and elbows totally obscured the arm rest, leaving me to make do with thee quarters of a seat. Not able to rest my own elbows on anything but his oozing flesh, I crossed my arms and attempted to make myself smaller. Through years of airplane training and meditation techniques, I learned in the 70's, I am able to go to sleep in this position. This could have been the end to this story but the fates were not in agreement.

The guy next to me was a talker. Not a conversationalist, that would imply an interaction or exchange of ideas, he simply talked. He talked about his trip to New York and how he was changing jobs and how he didn't really want to change jobs because he had small children and he was in the financial business and it was hit hard in the last year and the small company he worked for had been taken over by some guy that just wanted to use it as a cash cow and if I ever went to Palos Verdes where he lived I should stop at the resort that he and his wife loved that was build on the site of the old Marineland theme park and it was really wonderful ... At one point I was aware that I had fallen asleep while he was talking to me, but woke up to realize he was on a racist rant about the black lady that had not given him the service at Hertz rental cars that he deserved as a presidential level customer, it was reverse discrimination and he should have sued but he didn't he just never rented a car from them again....

I did actually fall asleep for a while. I woke up enough to notice that he had stopped talking. I didn't open my eyes but pretended to still be sleeping, and eventually fell asleep again. He nudged me awake, I assumed to get up and go to the toilet, but not so... he woke me up to tell me that the John Grisham book he was reading was not his best work and the one he wrote about the court in Mississippi was the best because you know he was a lawyer and he really knows how a court works, that makes him really good at telling those stories.



Years ago I thought about designing a "do not disturb" sign to hang on your ear so that the person next to you on a plane would know that you are not interested in conversation. I'm not sure that would have helped shut this guy up, if he would actually wake a person up to talk about John Grisham. I think I could have accepted the fact that he was encroaching on my physical space, or that he was totally interrupting my mental space but not both at the same time.

Einstein was right, time is absolutely relative and not a constant. The physical flying time from New York to Los Angeles is around 6 hours if you are in the captain's seat. However, in seat 27B the flying time is approximately the same as an average year of eternity in hell.

I am home now and there will be no need for me to get on a plane for a few weeks. The show in New York went very well, we got great interest from the APAP convention for future bookings. I took the talkative guy's card and I plan to send it to the TSA suggesting he be put on a "no fly" list. Not that he is a terrorist, but after ten minutes next to him on a plane... even a Southern Baptist would consider becoming a suicide bomber for Islam.
As you were,
Jay

NYC

I am sitting in a Starbucks across from the Waldorf Astoria waiting for my ride to the airport. The Two and Only was a big success. Nice intimate theatre, and the show continues to grow with every realization.
You know when they tell you to break a leg in the theatre? Maybe we should re think that blessing. Opening night three minutes into the show I stepped off the back of the stage right riser and fell a couple of feet to a darkened stage. To the audience perspective they just saw me disappear. I was startled as I took inventory of my parts. Dr. Greasepaint kicked in and I was up and running quickly. There was a huge bruise and scrape on the inside of my left knee, but the rush of adrenaline took over. Fortunately with some ice and Tylenol it did not affect the rest of the shows noticeably. It is quite a "beautiful" purple by today.
It was great to be in New York again even for a few days and even in the cold.
Now it is back to work and looking for more.
As you were,
Jay
www.monkeyjoke.com

This just In...

Some time ago I did an episode of CSI. In a flash-back scene my daughter, seen here in "artistic pain", was pushed out of a tree house. Just as they were setting the "blood pooling" scene her mother snapped this picture. They sent me a copy recently.

The little actress was all excited to do this scene until the special effects team started pumping the blood under her head. It was cold and she had to remain perfectly still for a very long time over several takes. When she got up she was covered with the sticky red ooze. I am sure her affection toward acting changed that day at just this moment. She was a trouper, however, and looked very dead for the camera. Pretending can be a lot of work for a little kid.

I remember the director yelled to the props guy to get some blood. Props replied, "What kind of blood?" In fact props had an entire trailer full if different kinds of blood. Pooling blood, dried blood, blood with guts, blood for clothes, blood that would not run, two day old blood, week old blood, blood in capsules that could go in your mouth... he had every kind of cinema blood available. A show like that must be much more interesting to work on than most.

As you were,

Jay

Monday.... 2010

The first Monday of 2010 and I have started saying twenty-ten rather than two thousand and ten, less syllables, an economy of sounds. I am back doing my morning pages which seem to fill in for the need to blog so much. My journal is an unfiltered passport into what I am thinking and for now that needs to remain a closed account. Today with all the blogging, texting, commenting and tweeting it is not fashionable to keep an opinion to yourself, but I was just raised differently I guess.

I'm getting ready to go to New York for my shows. It will be busy, but I am glad to have it this time of year. York Theatre here I come. The Wiz will be calling the show, so I have no worries about how it will run. I am concerned that I will get frost bite to and from the Hotel to the Theatre. The weather does not look to inviting for a Southern Californian.

I just took a poll of friends. 83% of them have already broken one or more New Years resolutions. For me I make resolutions that I can't possibly break, like:

This year I will not poke a Badger with a spoon.
This year I will not set fire to my shoes while wearing them.
This year I will not drink plutonium.
Nor will I run naked through the House of Commons at the British Parliament.

That should take care of the resolution fall out this year.
Happy twenty-ten
As you were,
Jay

Done with Decade one of Century 21

The fiscal year end of my corporation is also the calendar year. So it is rare that I come to a New Year's Eve in a happy mood. I hold my breath hoping that we have withheld enough to pay the cover charge for living in Los Angeles, California, USA. It is the hope that next year will be better than the year before that weighs on my mind tonight.

Show business in never going to be a stable job. You are up and you are down and the perception is never the reality. People see your name in the paper and assume that publicity is comparable to income. Popularity and prosperity are not the same thing.

I can never remember a time when I came into a new year knowing exactly how much I would make, where I would be or when I could plan a vacation. There was one year I thought I knew, there was enough work on the books that I didn't have to be concerned about the monthly nut. However, by March of that year my entire calendar had changed and the tour I thought was a certain, cancelled. It was a year to punt and scramble.

The Broadway opening of my show was postponed three times, triggering a fire drill to make up for the jobs I turned down in anticipation. There was no way to make them up, I just hoped that there would be others.

During the SOAP days we were always 13 weeks from cancellation. After the fourth year of uncertainty we all began to settle in and made plans to return in the fall, that May they canceled the show.

But at the end of each year I realize that some how we made it. Somehow the jobs were there and it didn't matter if they were not booked so far ahead. But economic memory is very short and the lesson that prosperity is a state of mind not a balance sheet is hard to hold onto.

The last time the drain backed up I remember calling the plumber and thinking, "here is a job that wasn't on his calendar this morning." Doesn't he sit around and hope that there will be enough leaks and clogs to make his mortgage. Rarely to people schedule a pipe break. In that way I feel rather like a plumber, with one huge exception. The prospects of a pipe leaking or a drain clogging are greater than someone waking up saying, "We need a show, call a ventriloquist and see if you can get him out here this morning."

I hope that 2010 is better than 2009, as I hoped 2009 was better than 2008, etc. etc.... and I am sure I am not alone. Maybe there is something we can all do to make it so, and if you figure out what that is... let me know.

Happy New Years Eve,
Jay

Another View

A view from the balcony the day we left New Jersey. I am told it continued to get colder.

This balcony became a ring side view of Captain Sully's plane landing in the Hudson river. It landed just to the right of the tall building. The regular occupant of this apartment said he had a coffee and watched history unfold.

As you were,
Jay

A Picture's Worth 1000 words...

This was the view of Manhattan out the windows Christmas Eve day. Pretty spectacular. Of course by Christmas Day it was raining and continued through the week end. Even with this view I am glad to be back home in So.Cal. I have promised myself never to drive in the State of New Jersey again. The freeway system was obviously designed by monkeys without rulers.

Today I officially ran out of things to write. I have reached the end of my blogging abilities.

As you were,
Jay

The Two and Only in New York

Having just returned from New York I am planning a trip back. Here are the details that appeared in the blurb producer Dan Whitten sent around over the Holidays.

Personally I have never liked this poster, but it seems the New York producers love it. I don't think you can judge The Two and Only by a poster anyway, but I hope it doesn't turn people off from attending. This will be a great space to see the show.

I get letters all the time from people asking when the show is in, Chicago, Atlanta, Florida etc. Not sure when we will be in those places yet. However, if you are in New York the weekend of Jan 8-10 come on by.

New York, NY (December 7, 2009) – Jay Johnson: The Two and Only!, winner of the 2007 Tony Award for Best Special Theatrical Event, will return to New York, producer Dan Whitten of TIGER Theatricals announced today. The one-weekend only event will play from January 8-10, 2010, at Theatre at Saint Peters (54th Street, just east of Lexington Avenue).

Jay Johnson: The Two and Only! had its Broadway premiere at the Helen Hayes’ Theater in September 2006, following an extended run Off-Broadway at the Atlantic Theatre in 2004. The acclaimed show also played London’s West End, and cities across America (and is at Los Angeles’ Colony Theatre from December 3- 15). During the Broadway season, Jay’s famed puppet ‘Bob’ was inducted into the Smithsonian Institution where he resides today.

Jay Johnson: The Two and Only! is written and performed by Jay Johnson; Created by Jay Johnson, Murphy Cross and Paul Kreppel and directed by Murphy Cross and Paul Kreppel Produced by Dan Whitten and TIGER Theatricals

Jay Johnson: The Two and Only! will play the following performance schedule: Friday at 8pm, Saturday at 2pm, and Sunday at 2:30pm and 7:30pm. Tickets are $45 and are available online 24/7 or by calling (212) 935-5820 Monday-Friday from 12-6PM. Student rush tickets will be $25.00 and available (cash only) at the box office; limit 2 per valid student ID, and they may be purchased any time on the day of performance. see www.thetwoandonly.com for more information on the show

As you were,
Jay

Christmas

Merry Christmas
www.monkeyjoke.com

New Jersey

Just a quick thumb typed note to say that driving in New Jersey is a challenge even for a Los Angelian. The Jersey philosophy being why build another lane of traffic when a "merge" sign is so cheap? And the maximum protected space between merging cars is no greater than the average coat of paint or rust depending on the age of the vehicle.

Seems that we are staying a great distance away from all the family we need to see, although our temporary abode is beautiful. A 14th floor view of Manhattan with the Hudson in the fore ground.

Happy holidays to all.
As you were,
Jay
www.monkeyjoke.com

Saturday -

I am doing a show I wrote for the Performing Arts Center called "The Gift" today and tonight. It is their dance show for the holidays. I wrote it last year and performed the role as narrator, they asked me to reprise the role this year. I'm glad I can do it.

It really is great to see how the older students at the Performing Arts Center School have grown and watch the new students start their dancing career. I am always amazed by the talent and dedication of dancers. This will be my swan song for the year. No more shows until I go back to New York on Jan. 7th to do "The Two and Only". Everyone I have talked to is looking forward to a better year in 2010. '09 and '08 were really not the vanguard years of the past for anyone I know.

I have started hearing everyone refer to the new year as "twenty-ten" not "two thousand and ten" which is a change. I suppose we have finally graduated from the "aught" years. The old timers used to refer to the early 1900's as "nineteen aught six". I think it would correctly be "nineteen naught six". The definition of "aught" is "anything at all", while "naught" is a synonym for zero.

This brief bit of semantic correctness is brought to you by the letter "J" and the number "0".

Cue the music :
Fade Out

As you were,
Jay

Gary Larson

Sometimes when people ask me what I would want to be if I was not doing what I am, I tell them I would like to be a cartoonist like Gary Larson. Funny and irreverent and a job that only requires a pen, paper and imagination. Someone told me that between his books, his cartoon strip, calendars, cups, postcards and greeting cards each one of his drawings was licensed about eleven times.

On this holiday season I am reminded of one of his cartoons. There is a reindeer with a large red nose sitting in the leather chair of his macho den. Around him is a gun rack and the mounted heads of several reindeer with the names Donner, Cupid and Blitzen. The caption is simply:

"All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."

Sort of fits my bipolar thoughts of the day.

As you were,

Jay

Wednesday and ....

That is as far as I got writing my blog this morning as my fingers stumbled on the keyboard and published the entry. I did not know that I could publish and entry with a key stroke. I doubt that I could recreate that sequence of events again.

The Colony run is over and I really miss it. There is a phenomenon that I can never get used to, but it occurs every time I do the show in town. Only days after I close there are some who say, "I missed your show. The next time you are in town, let me know. I would love to come." Since it has been 3 years since my show was in town, I tried my best to let everyone know it was here. It was booked a year in advance. At times I thought I was being a little too pushy, and some people got multiple notices just because I didn't want to miss anyone who might want to come. I sent emails and FaceBooked initiations. Well, we closed on Sunday and those same people, people I know I sent invitations to are now saying to me, " I missed your show. The next time you are in town, let me know. I would love to come." Bull shit. I don't believe it. People who want to come, will come. To the rest... this is the official notice that you are on your own.

I am trying to get excited about the run at the York Theatre in New York. For some reason it just doesn't seem real to me yet. I can't find that excitement that New York has always held. I'm sure it will come it just hasn't found it's time yet. We have to get through the holidays and all.

I do mean "get through" the holidays. For me that is sometimes an effort. I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world and have been for a long time. She is the original Christmas Elf and sets her joy clock each year with the Christmas Holidays. Now you might think that this joy and happiness of the season would rub off on me, but I am the original Grinch. I have to look for ways to turn my depression of the season into a positive. And, for some reason my psychosis is such that it is not important just to be depressed, it is necessary for me to make sure everyone to knows that I am depressed. That makes my attitude take a very toxic turn for the next few weeks. After years of being around me, this Anti-Christmas feeling is nothing new to my family. Each year I think "this is the year I will be able to keep it to myself," and each year I can never find the lid shut it off.

So... I am trying to recall good memories of the times, and there are many. It is a matter of what you dwell on.

I remember the time my youngest son said, "Is Santa Claus real, Dad?" Of course I tried to tell him that the Santa was the spirit of Christmas, the symbol of selfless giving and the icon of the season. He was having none of it. After listening to my esoteric explanation he said, "Is there a really a man with a white beard and a red suit that comes down the Chimney?" He wanted as simple answer which in that case was "No." He was satisfied. Not disappointed except in my first answer.

I may not post every day, like I have been doing for awhile. My new rule is: If you can't find something funny or humorous to say then shut up.
As you were,
Jay

On to New York

The Colony was a total success. Great audiences, great shows, full houses and I even sold a couple of paintings. Today I will have to go over and close the gallery and clean out my dressing room. Not my favorite part of the show... the closing. I would rather just be taking a couple days off and going back there.

Now it is on to New York for a four day run at the York Theatre Jan 8 through the 10th. It will be great fun to be back in New York for a while, although I understand it is as cold as the proverbial witch's... well you know. But for those of you on the East coast who have climitized yourselves to the elements, see you there.

Rant of the day goes to a case reported in the LA Times yesterday. A girl was suspended from her High School for two days for posting a video of herself and other girls "name calling" and maligning one of their class mates in a very vicious way. The victim was humiliated and told the councilor that she could not come to school to face all the people who had watched it.

The suspended bully sued the school and won a judgement based on the principle of "free speech". It seems the court ruled the school did not have the right to punish the bully since the posting did not create substantial disruption to classes. But here is the kicker.

Her father was her attorney. In a statement he said the "school did not have the right to act as 'super parent' " I think she needed a super parent since there is obviously no parenting from her Lawyer father now. Not only did he not teach her that bullying and hurting some one's feeling is wrong, he rewarded her behavior by making it a "freedom of speech" case. How many wrong signals did he send his teen age daughter.

I am wondering what he would have done if it had been his daughter on the receiving end of the bullying? Perhaps his idea of freedom of speech and punishment would have been altered. Not all lawyers are scum, but there are enough to taint the profession. There are modern legal nerds who care more about the letter of the law than the spirit or feelings of intent; those who want their pound of legal flesh even though it kills the host.

Can we not teach kids that the cyber world of instant communication has its consequences? If they are going to have the right to use this technology, they also have the responsibility to use it humanely and politely. I don't think calling cyber bullying freedom of speech is any more reasonable than calling it a loan when the bully beats you up and steals your lunch money.

As you were,

Jay

Closing the Two and Only

We close Sunday night. This has been one of the best runs for this show since we began at the WhiteFire on Ventura Blvd. We still have three shows to do and I am trying to make time stand still to relish them. No pressure, nothing riding on it except to do the best show we can night to night. I really hate to see it come to an end, but every run must. When I first started on the road to Broadway, one of my most enlightened friends said, "This show is sort of a spiritual journey for you, isn't it?" I had never thought of it that way, but it is certainly what the show has become for me.

Barbara Beckley said before we opened that it would all go too fast and she is absolutely right. The days have streaked by and there has not been a down audience yet. I still think that this is the perfect marriage between theatre and show. I just works so well here. Every seat is good and every seat has been mostly filled.

Thursday night we had to stop to show when someone in the audience became ill. That is something that I never had to deal with before. It happened during my story about meeting Art which is one of the more heartfelt moments. It suddenly became obvious that we needed to turn up the house lights and get someone help. After a brief bit of unrehearsed excitement we were back into it. As the paramedics were helping the man from the audience he turned to me and said, "Very nice show".

I truly wish that I could do this show every night in a theatre like the Colony for audiences like we have been experiencing. I will try to curb my manic depression and not see it as the closing night, but a start to the next run where ever that might be. And for now that will be in New York at the York Theatre opening for a four day run Jan. 8th. Heads up to my New York friends.

As you were,

Jay

The Best Thank You

This is a "Thank you" or actually "Thak" you letter I got from Ruben who was at the matinee last Sunday. He is the 10 year old son of a friend.

Ruben wins the prize for best Thank you note of the run and perhaps the season.

Thanks for the thoughtful note and the big laugh, Ruben.

As you were,

Jay

The New Rancher

Tired of the confines of the city and wanting some solitude a guy builds his dream house in the middle of a Nevada desert. After the house is completed he sits on his new porch, alone, enjoying the endless view. On the horizon he sees a dust cloud. The longer he looks, he realizes that the cloud is getting closer and closer. Finally the cloud is close enough for the man to see that it is a horse and rider far off in the distance riding toward him.

Hours later the rider and horse arrive at the porch of the mans house. "Howdy, " the rider says, "My name is Anderson... I am your closest neighbor. I live about three quarters of a day's ride due east of you here. I just wanted to ride by and say welcome to the neighborhood."
"Well thank you" said the new home owner.
"As a matter of fact," says Anderson, "I am throwing a party in your honor, sort of a welcome to the neighborhood party at my house tomorrow night. I hope you like drinkin', gambling, eatin', fightin', and having sex cause there is going to be plenty of that. Just allow enough time to get there by 8:00pm."
"That sounds great... is there anything I can bring?"
"Naw, I got it covered, " says Anderson "....just gonna to be the two of us."

I Blame Phil Donahue

If you don't know Phil Donahue or the Phil Donahue Show then you probably don't remember a time when you had to find a pay phone to call home. The Phil Donahue Show still holds the record for the longest continuous run of any syndicated talk show in U.S. television history. (Deal with that Oprah). His was the first talk show to have "controversial" guests on. There would be the cross dresser or the atheist or the occasional sex addict, tame by the guest list on the Jerry Springer Show today, but pushing it in the 70's and 80's. Phil is intelligent and could take a neutral position as host that was provocative, but not aggressive or insulting to his guests. But because of his success and innovations he may have ushered in an era of opinionated rudeness that thrives today.

After his interview he would take a microphone out into the crowd and let the audience ask questions of the guest. That was something new. Usually an audience was just there as a passive observer, the object of the discourse not a participant. It was a brilliant segment of the show at the time, but it was of a different time. More than a decade after his show ended and as that idea has been repeated by less able hosts it has degraded into an insult-fest of mudslinging and uncivilized rudeness.

The bastard seed of that brilliance gave birth to the Jerry Springer Show and Bill O'Reiley insult journalism. Audiences now feel they have the right and the misguided duty to comment on anything and everything they see and hear. Phil allowed the audience to ask questions. The narcissism of the crowd soon turned those questions into opinion and insults.

We have now become a society of commentors. We comment on anything and everything. Nothing is too complicated, too sensitive nor too personal that perfect strangers don't feel free to express their opinion about it. Every FaceBook action has a "comment" button, every editorial an email address and every radio station a call in number. And these comments are not for the most part researched, informed, intelligent opinions just a knee jerk ( I use the word jerk in all its contexts) reaction of "OMG WTF are you stupid?" I have written about this before in a previous blog on rudeness, but this rudeness has been born out of misguided sense of entitlement.

Maybe it is wrong to totally blame Phil. He may have invented the idea but others exploited it. He was smart and his audiences were smart back then. The IQ of the average Jerry Springer audience today is equivalent to pond algae. And Phil did, after all, have the good sense to go off the air in 1996 long before the Bush years when everyone knew they were smarter than the President.

I doubt we can get the genie back in the bottle, its sort of a free speech issue and everyone is entitled to an opinion. You can even have an opinion about an opinion, you can comment on a comment. Soon perhaps nothing will be taken as knowledge or truth just a stupid idea by some cloistered thinker with too much time on his hands...... WTF Mr. Plato?
As you were,
Jay

More Strange Happenings

Sunday night was the end of a really great week at the Colony Theatre. The shows are going well and the crowds have been fabulous. Spaulding (seen here) has always had a mind of his own. During the Broadway run he would more often than not miss the mark of his entrance and roll into the audience. However, until Sunday he has been performing excellently during this run.

Both shows, matinee and evening, Spaulding decided to change his part a little. The first show he bounced off a set piece and rolled into the audience after his performance. After the show he was no where to be found, and we assumed that an audience member had taken him either as hostage or as a souvenir.

Not so, actually a kindly person turned him into the lost and found at the box office. He was quickly returned to his position for the next show. During the evening performance he hit a trunk on his entrance and never made it fully on stage.

At the end of the night I went out to dinner with Sandi and the crew to the closest restaurant. We left our car parked at the Colony, and by the time we returned the parking lot was totally empty. Just as I was pulling out of my parking place, across from the entrance to the theatre, I noticed something rolling to a stop in front of me. I questioned whether I was seeing things or not, but indeed it was a tennis ball.

I stopped the car and retrieved it. It was not new but it was not abused. Just used enough that the fuzz had worn off, exactly what I look for when casting a new Spaulding. It was, for my ventriloquial purposes, perfect. The audition was good and this new actor will become a "stand by" for the real Spaulding.

I'm not sure why there was a tennis ball rolling across my path at just that moment in the evening. There are no sporting good stores, tennis courts or any other retail establishments other than the theatre near and ours was the only car in the lot at that hour. I have no logical explanation for the ball being there. I also don't know why it was the same day Spaulding decided to change his part.

As in all "strange things" and like yesterday's story with the latch, taken as just a random event it is nothing of note. But when the timing of the random event happens at a precise moment it becomes note worthy.

For me, I am always looking for signs, some sort of physical reminder that I am on the right road. I don't know why I need concrete signals but I find them comforting and so they seem to manifest around me. Since I am having such a good time at the Colony I take things like the latch and the tennis ball as markers that I am on the right trail. And if they continue to happen I will most probably follow where their lead.

As you were,
Jay

More Ghost Stories

This is a picture of the traveling set for "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only" which is a simplified version of the set we had on Broadway. (Seen here in work lights. The lighting is a integral part of my show. The cases literally glow and cast beautiful shadows on cue). These cases have been part of the show since the original Atlantic Theatre run. They know their part very well by now.

At the Colony Theatre in Burbank we duplicated the set with different trunks and that is where my story begins. For three days of rehearsal and tech I walked on and around these trunks, as we prepared the show for its opening last week. Every theatre is different so there is always an adjustment to that particular space. The difference in the trunks was negligible in the total process. Everything was proceeding as it should, and then came the dress rehearsal the night before opening.

For those who have not seen the show, at one point I describe a time when my mentor Art Sieving opens up a carrying case revealing his wooden partner Harry. It is a poignant moment and I can easily take myself back to that time very clearly in my mind. Not only during this show but on other occasions in my career I have felt the unseen presence of my friend Art. This dress rehearsal was one of those times.

It was a particularly emotional rehearsal for me that evening. I was having trouble keeping my feelings in check to get through the script. My director Murphy mentioned there was a full moon and with no other reason for this night to be different, we accepted that fact as an explanation. I was sitting on a trunk stage right delivering Art's story. I said, "And he opened up that suitcase," and one of the latches on a case, stage left, sprang open. It was loud enough for the crew and the few people in the audience to hear it clearly.

I was stopped mid sentence, startled initially by the sound but then blind sided by the emotion. It was impossible for me to see this as merely a coincidence. The cases are old and the coupling of the latches are worn. It would not be so extraordinary that one would suddenly fail and spring open. However, I had been bounding all over the stage for a couple of days and the latch had not given way with my movement. It chose a time when there was no movement, I was sitting down on the other side of the stage and the exact moment I mentioned that Art opened his case, to spring open. The timing could not have been any more perfect.

I suppose you can see this incident in any way you choose, and call the phenomenon by any name you wish. To me it is just a reminder of life continuing to express itself and find a way to be known, individually. I have another week to tell the tale of Art and Harry at the Colony, I'm pretty sure they are going to be around watching.

As you were,
Jay

One week left at the Colony. This could be one of the best combination of show and theatre there could be. The Colony is such and intimate space which compliments the connection of the story and story teller. Amazing place to do this show.

Athlete's believe that they are famous enough to command millions of dollars from being known, but not famous enough to get caught fooling around with cocktail waitresses.

Believe it Why Not?

Now?

We opened "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only" last night at the Colony Theatre, in Burbank. I love this theatre. The raked and curving seats create an intimate relationship between the audience and the performer. It just seems like you can reach out and touch every person in the crowd. That connection is an integral part of "The Two and Only". It could be one of the best marriages of theatre and show possible.

I remember the last time we were at the Colony we were on track to Broadway. Our run at the Helen Hayes had just been pushed back due to the extension of their current show "Bridge and Tunnel". Things were confused about when we would open on Broadway and how much longer we had to "stay out". I couldn't really enjoy the present moment in anticipation of the coming lights of Broadway.

This time is different. We have the Tony and the goal is not to "get somewhere" with the show, now the goal is just to do the show. There is a great feeling to being in that place, and space of the moment.

That feeling of being in the "Now" has been my theme motif lately. I had gotten so far off that track, either being burdened by what I thought were past injustices, or fearful of what events were to come. There is such great fresh air in finding the current moment, even for a few seconds.

Years ago I was a brief student of a new thought teacher named Alpha Grisso. What a great name, and great lady. I really didn't know what metaphysics was at the time or anything about what she was teaching. I met her because she "turned cards" in sort of a Gypsy fortune-telling act. She was good at it because she was such a clear thinker and could read people so well.

My first "reading" with her was interesting. She spread some cards on the table, and made a couple of stock reading remarks. Then she looked directly at me for a moment and said, "You think on a different level than most around you, yes." I was to shy to agree, but at the time I did think I was a little bit of a freak, and very different from my peers. She pushed the cards aside and said, "These cards are just a focal point for the distracted mind, let's just talk a few minutes." She told me things about my own feelings that I had never expressed. Before the session was up she invited me to a class she was teaching, free of charge. It was similar to a Unity, Science of Mind or even Religious Science class. I remember she said in one of the classes, "Watch your mental mumbling." It was an admonishment to be aware of the thoughts, negative or other wise, that loop continuously through your mind.

I am trying to be more acutely aware of that mumbling as I try to stay in the now. The mumbling will lead you into the past or future if you're not watchful. I'm having a great time doing the show but a negative mumble nags with the idea that each performance brings me closer to the closing. Why is it that the human mind tries so desperately to crash the party?

"The next message you need is always right where you are"- Ram Dass, author of "Be Here Now".

As you were,
Jay

Shakespeare

One of Shakespeare's quotes most often repeated by existential thinkers is "There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." It leads me to a concept of Joel Goldsmith which is complicated and sometimes threatening to religious concepts that are chiseled in stone.

There is a danger in quoting a philosopher or trying to paraphrase his teaching in a sentence or two. If it was that easy the philosopher would NOT have have been compelled to write volumes on the subject. Goldsmith published almost a hundred books explaining his concepts. Ultimately it is impossible to express complicated feelings of spirituality in words of any kind. The highest feelings we have toward life exists outside the vibrational frequency of sound or the symbolic scrawl of language.

Goldsmith says that we miss the true meaning of the allegory of the Garden of Eden and the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" if we do not read it very carefully. It is assumed that Eden was a world of good and eating the apple from the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" was the introduction of evil into that world. If this were the case it would need only to be called "the tree of the knowledge of evil". But if words are specific it definitely states knowledge of good as well.

Eating the apple was a symbol of the introduction of duality into our thinking. It was the introduction of division when there had been only one before. Eden was one, the apple was the introduction of two different concepts, good and evil. It would be easier to think of it as the "tree of the knowledge of judgement." After symbolically eating the apple, Adam and Eve knew they were naked. They judged that covering certain parts of their body were good and not doing that was evil. The tree introduced the concept of good and evil but more importantly it introduced the idea of judgment to label.

The concept of good can be as dangerous as the concept of evil if it creates a division of the one. If we are good and "they" are evil then we are right in eliminating "them". The only way to avoid the pit falls of good and evil is to stop thinking in terms of duality. What is, is. What is not, is not, and any other label you add, good, evil, helpful, harmful, religious or sinful creates a duality. Duality is a threat to the One no matter what form it takes.

"There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare. Sometimes theater can get it right. Support the Arts.... suggestion: "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only" opens tonight at the Colony Theatre, Burbank, CA.

As you were,
Jay

Christmas Guide for
The Manic Depressive

It's December. There is no turning back now. The juggernaut of capitalism is rolling toward each of us and there is no escape to safety. You can only shore up your defenses and try to minimize the damage.

Christmas is a celebration of useless spending and "spoiled child" desires wrapped in an altruistic and religious package that succeeds in equating the amount of love you have with the dollars you spend. For a manic depressive bipolar like myself it is the perfect storm. Each year I think experience will help me avoid the highs and lows or the year before, but the Christmas capitalistic campaign is well organized and the propaganda is pervasive.

To be clear I am not talking about the religious aspects of Christmas. The birth of Jesus, the star of Bethlehem, the wise men, the shepards in the field, the biblical narrative is a great story. I love to hear it told over and over. But the state of our country and the status of our economy does not depend on the attendance of that yearly church event. And a three foot light up plastic baby Jesus on display in the front yard does not inspire me. Christianity and capitalism make very strange "manger fellows".

As a manic depressive child to be told that some guy in a red suit would give me anything I wanted, and bring it to my house on a specific December night was the highest of highs. There were weeks of anticipation for the toy of my dreams, leading to a miserable Christmas night trying to make myself sleep but too excited to do so. Knowing that Santa would only come when I was asleep, and not being able to sleep because Santa was coming is the definition of a manic depressive.

Of course with all the preparation and all the angst-measured excitement for the day, it is after all only one day, actually only a few hours of a day. It is over about as quickly as it begins and for me the actual ownership of the worlds greatest toy never matched up to my imagination and anticipation. The let down and the lack of sleep from the days before would send me on a resounding crash.

Needless to say the past affects my perspective of Christmas present. I hope for a different outcome but just before Thanksgiving the same songs, the same colors, the same characters, the same push to give (and get) the perfect gift, tend to create the same experience. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting a different result? Well, there you go..

I love being with my family, but they are spread between, New York, Florida, Dallas, Los Angeles and Berlin. Unlike Santa it is impossible to be everywhere in one night.

And so it begins 23 days until Crashmas.
As you were,
Jay

Who's Talking

One of Echart Tolle's statements had a profound affect on me. Before he wrote the "Power of Now" he was severely depressed and contemplating suicide. He woke up one morning and said, "I just can't live with myself any more." At that moment it struck him, who is this self that he couldn't live with and what self was trying to get away?

It reminds me of the typical Warner Brothers cartoon character in the midst of an ethical or moral dilemma. On one shoulder would be a miniature version of the character in a white gown and halo. On the other would be a miniature version of himself with a red horned devil suit on. The devil would, of course, give all the reasons to do the wrong thing; while the angel would plead the opposite case.

The problem in real life is that those inner characters do not wear costumes and are not so easily identified as good or bad. In fact the voices you listen to are probably an equal mixture of both, or at best have no moral or ethical principles at all. This immediately brings up the question of "who is talking to us to begin with?" which was Tolle's epiphany.

Goldsmith states that all problems stem from the believe in two powers, good and evil. Rather than realizing life as it is, we feel compelled to label it either good or bad. We want to increase the good and minimize the bad. But we use human judgment to determine which is which. Why do we decide that a dandelion is a bad flower and the rose is a good flower? Why do we destroy the dandelion so the rose can live. Aren't they both equal in purpose and life?

I think this is what Echart Tolle is saying in different words. He was saying just look at life as an eternal now, without judgment. Stop listening to the angel and the devil, because both are incorrect. Life is not the black and white, good and evil, us and them, heaven or hell, dead or alive conflict that these inner voices would have us believe.

The struggle to stop listening is difficult for me. After all I make a living by giving physical voice to those inner struggles. But today I will try to see everything as it is, not as good or bad, not as right or wrong, not as me against them. I will try to see it just the way it is.

As you were,
Jay