Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Thanksgiving Turkey
This story was told to me at a hair salon after my haircut a couple of weeks ago. I have been anxious to write it up in my blog. This down time on the road has afforded me the opportunity. The story teller is a client of the stylist whom I have been going to the entire time I have lived in LA. The tale came out of a mundane discussion between appointments when the lady admitted she was a vegan. This story was part of the reason why she is a vegan.
As the story goes, it seems she was never much on eating meat but on Thanksgiving she decided to have some friends over for a tradittional Thanksgiving dinner.
She had never prepared a turkey before and bought a big frozen forty pounder. She took it out of the freezer Thanksgiving day not realizing it had to thaw much longer than she realized. As she went to prepare what was still a frozen bird she knew that the giblets were packaged inside the bird and needed to come out before she cooked it. But, she could not find the butt "entrance" to the carcus, because it was still frozen almost solid.
She did manage to locate a hole in the neck of the bird and with her finger touched some waxed paper which she knew was the wrapping for the parts to be taken out. So instead of accessing the bird from the back end she attempted to force her small hand into the neck of the bird.
She was able to get here hand inside but the shoulder bone of the turkey was too frozen to break and it closed around her wrist, trapping her hand inside the frozen bird.
She struggled but after some time her hand was still trapped and now the cold was creeping up her arm. She realized she could soon be in real jeopardy of frost bite and needed help to extracate her hand from the fowl.
Barely able to dial the phone with one hand she realized she could not drive with a forty pound oversized frozen fist. The solution was to call a cab to transport her to the emergency room of the nearest hospital.
Not wanting to attract the kind of attention having your hand stuck in a bird would garner she threw a poncho over her shoulders and and held the turkey at belly level under the garment with the free hand.
By the time the taxi arrived she was in great pain. She said, "Take me to the emergency room as fast as you can." It was becoming very painful on the ride and she was moaning in spite of herself. The cabbie rightly assumed that she was a pregnant woman he was taking to the delivery room and wanted to get her to the doctor before her water broke.
She staggered into the emergency room full of doctors and nurses working the holiday shift. When it was determined what the problem was a great guffaw echoed down the corridors of medicene. Everyone came to see the woman with he frozen turkey hand. They even took pictures. It became the highlight of the shift.
It was an easy extracation with chest spreader forcepts and she was free before the laughter died. They thanked her for providing the entertainment for the day. However, the turkey was still viable, undamaged and now thawed enough to prepare, so they placed it in a clear plastic bag, gave it back to her and sent her on her way.
Outside the emergency room she hails a cab to return home. It is the same cabbie. He sees her without the large belly under the poncho, but carrying a clear plastic bag with a dripping flesh colored carcus inside. His eyes become twice their size and offerred absolutely no conversation on the way back.
That is her story, but I would love to get the version from the cab drivers perspective. "Hi honey how was your day driving a cab on Thanksgiving day?"
As you were,


Bob Conrad said...

You can't make stuff like this up. LOL

P. Grecian said...

Hilarious! Laughed out loud! Thanks, Jay.