The RED Tweet

When the president of Russia had breakfast at the White House recently, he and President Obama held a news conference afterwards. In his opening statement Mr. Obama said that President Dmitry Medvedev had opened a Twitter account when he visited the silicon valley of California the week before. Pointing out that he, President Obama, also had a twitter account he suggested that they might now be able to follow each other and be finally remove the "red phones" from their offices.

This idea got me thinking. What if they did do away with the red phone and begin a summit tweet? I suppose we should get ready for a new way to view the world stage.

DMed@ twitter - just nvaded Georgia again. Now having a vodka.

YObama@twitter - OMG seriously??? WTF :-||

DMed@ twitter - LOL - just kidding about the Vodka. Georgia pissed me off.

YObama@twitter - AYSOS? PU

DMed@ twitter - BOB - this is our thing...

YObama@twitter - FC'INGO this is so Cold War...

DMed@ twitter - YYSSW - gotta go. country to run...

YObama@twitter -HOAS - :( we're not finished.

DMed@ twitter - ZZZZZ

I think an exchange like this would prevent a nuclear Holocaust and it can all be done from the PREZ blackberry.

I spent an entire class at the University of North Texas learning how to write a business letter. You had to pass that class to receive a business degree at the time. I suppose "multi-tasking your media stream" would be the new scholastic requirement.
"You kids get off my lawn..."
As you were,
Jay

Time and Its Relationship to the Moment

July 1st. It doesn't quite seem right, I haven't straightened up the patio from our Memorial Day celebration yet. I'm not even sure I have been home for more than a week or so since then.

I am trying to figure out why time seems to be accelerating right now. Does it have everything to do with this Mayan calendar/2012 prediction of the end of time? Is the world clock sprinting ahead with a last burst of energy before stopping dead? Or is it because the span of time I have been experiencing time itself gets greater each year? Not to reduce everything to a stage analogy (even though this blog is called the World's a Stage) but it is like my show. When I was first doing it at the Atlantic Theatre it seemed that I was on stage for a very long time. I felt every moment of every second and knew I had completed a show when I walked off.

In Laguna about the time I was aware of being on stage, I was moving into the finale. It seemed that the show started and was over so quickly it just couldn't have been almost two hours had past. That is just because I know it, the flow is not a struggle but an easy skate. Maybe that is why life time is going so fast now.

I have been through it and this existence is not as much a struggle, nor does it burn with the passionate idealism it did in my 20's. I saw a tee shirt on the ship that read: "Been there, Done that, and already forgot it." That perspective can only be reached the long way 'round. I'm no longer trying to prove something to myself, just enjoy it. Live every moment because experience has taught me that nothing except happiness is really important.

What ever it is. Happy midsummer to everyone. I am very tired from my trip, travel time does not seem to be getting any faster, but I am looking forward to writing again and just staying in the happiness of the moment.

As you were,

Jay

Traveling

I remember my first commercial airplane ride. I was in the ninth grade traveling from Dallas to Lubbock, Texas to do a show. As I contemplate my AA Frequent Flyer account which has logged two and three quarter million miles not including the cross country trip I will complete tonight; I wonder how I did it starting my traveling so late in life.

Until I started performing and traveling by myself there was no reason to travel by air. All my trips were taken with the family via station wagon. I think if I could just jump in the back of a big Chevrolet wagon today with the back seat down and sleep till my folks said, "we're here," I would never complain about traveling again.

What I remember most about my early air travel days was wearing a coat and tie on the plane. Everyone dressed up. I'm not exactly sure why. It wasn't comfort. It was just the way it was done. I wore one suit on the plane and packed a separate one for my performance.

The Stewardess (only females and under 25 years of age were employed) wore a uniform with hat skirt and heels. They were hired for there beauty and personality. Although now they stress that the flight attendants are there for your safety, back then they were there most definitely for your pleasure.

This memory was brought back today as I "people" watch at the Miami Airport Admirals Club. Several guys are sitting at the bar in tee shirts, flip flops and shorts. There is no on, even the bar staff who is wearing a tie. At the computer are two American "Flight Attendants" waiting to catch their next plane. One is a man and the other is a woman. Both are gray headed and look to be in their early 60's. If there is an emergency on the flight they will be "attending" later tonight someone will have to help these elderly seniors evacuate. I don't see how they are going to save our lives.

I guess this is progress, I'm glad I am not choking on a neck tie, but it bothers me to see a guy sitting across from me in first class wearing a tank top gym shorts and flip flops. He has slipped off his shoes and has wedged his bare feet on the seat in front of his. I am hoping they disinfect it before someone puts their water bottle in that seat pocket.

For me the glamour is gone, or was it all just an illusion back then to an imaginative ninth grader.
As you were,
Jay
www.monkeyjoke.com

Sick at sea

We are in St. Croix today and I seem to have a connection for my Blackberry for a few hours. I am so glad Sandi is with me on this trip but I'm not sure she would agree. She came down with stomach flu on the first night on the boat. Really bad stuff she was down for the count. About 24 hours later at 4:30 am I came down with the same symptoms. Fortunately they didn't hit me until after my shows. That fact was of little consolation to me as I was trying to fill the porcelain cave in my cabin.
It became so bad we had to call in the ships doctor. He was very much like Dr McCoy on Star Trek except he spoke with a Columbia accent and no one called him bones.
The Dr would not confirm that it was the Cruise ship grunge that seems to go around most ships, but they asked Sandi and I to stay in our cabin for 24 hours. That request was no problem since we could barely get out of bed, or be very far from the facilities.

The worst of it was over in a day but we have not been more than 30% since. We don't really feel like eating and are both really tired. I'm sure I will be fine by show time on Monday. But I can't remember being this sick for a long time. This has not been the working vacation that I had in mind.
As you were,
Jay
www.monkeyjoke.com

A little more than 24 hours after we closed the run at Laguna, I am on a plane flying to Miami. Ultimate destination is St Lucia to board the Serenade. I am hoping it will be a time to decompress for Sandi. We have all been stressed to the max recently but she has been the hardest hit.
Even though I have been away from home without a reliable Internet connection of late I still have not been keeping up with my writing very well. I seem to have lost the muse. I will try to post when I get a signal. It is always hit or miss in the Carribean, sort of like my writing recently.
As you were,
Jay

www.monkeyjoke.com

Artistic Liberty

Laguna is home to a yearly show called Pageant of the Masters.  It's not as nationally famous as the Rose Parade, but it is certainly an anticipated event here in Southern California.  The concept is simple in explanation, but complicated in execution.  Great works of art are recreated with actors, live on stage.  I saw the show years ago and it is truly amazing.  You have to see it to understand it.

So the Laguna Playhouse, where we are doing my show, is right next door to the Pageant of the Master's theatre . The show opens in the next few weeks. When I leave at night they are usually beginning their rehearsals.  Bob made some comments on stage a couple of nights in a row about being perfect for a job at that theatre.  He can hold a pose longer than anyone, and he demonstrated it during an adlib section of the show. With that Laguna fact in mind,  John Ivy, my PSM and man behind the curtain created the picture below. It is my cast of the Two and Only recreating Da Vincci's Last Supper. John calls it the "Last Supper. Pizza".  You will notice that in the window over the right shoulder of Jaysus,  is John Ivy himself delivering Jackie and GaGa's  Pizza. The entire company is represented.  Left to right we have, Rev. Art Sieving, St. Murphy, Amigo,  Father Nethernore, Mother Lori, Squeaky (the beloved), Jaysus, St. Harry O'shea, Father Long John LaFeat, Spaulding, Bob the mute, Darwin (the carnal) and Paul Kreppel as Judas.

Double click on the picture to see it in detail. Excellent artwork John. Perfect Satire. I have printed it out to hang in the dressing room.

More evidence of the Tao of TAO.

As you were,
Jay

That's INTERtainment

The Two and Only is going well at The Laguna Playhouse.  One more week-end.  I tend to fall in love with theatres quickly and this one is no exception. The crew, the staff and everyone associated with the theatre is wonderful.  I love being there and I will be sad to close. I think Andrew Barnacle, the artistic director is still speaking to me even after I called his beautiful theatre the Pasadena Playhouse opening night.  I was immediately corrected on stage by Arthur Drew.

The show is in the capable hands of John Ivy, the PSM, LD, Sound designer, musician and techno geek. I have known John for six years.  He has been an integrial part of The Two and Only since it began in New York.  Even knowing many of his talents it was not until this production of The Two and Only that I became aware that he is also an animator. Here is a link to the New York Times on line which featured and article on his animation.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/11/brooklyn-bridge-song/

I refer to my show as TAO with no apologies for the intentional connection to the spiritual.  The Chinese word "Tao"  translates as the "way" or "path" but has become symbolic of a principle  or philosophy of life.  Tao  refers to the force  and intelligence of the universe which can't even be expressed in words.  I'm not sure I know that much about the actual philosophy of Taoism, but I grasp it on a level of spiritual familiarity.

My TAO (my show) has always been a spiritual journey for me, a way and a path. It is my Tao of Art. My greatest task is to observe the process on a higher level than just the physical construction of an evening's performance.  The more I can become the observer and less the observed the more Tao is expressed. As greater Tao is expressed higher awareness  creates more clarified returns of more Tao.  The beautiful ideas and exceptional people this play/performance attracts is a blessing beyond worth.  The Tao attracts art and artists who are drawn to that spiritual frequency. It  would be a spiritual mistake not to observe the unfolding of these beautiful people and ideas.   What a joy to  be the conduit of that spiritual vibration.

The Tony Awards Show was last night. It is a very interesting perspective watching  the show having actually been there and done that.  Every time the presenters would come to the microphone on stage right Sandi and I would turn to each other and say, "That's our side."  It was at that microphone  I received my Tony and gave my remarks and we sat five rows from that spot.  The entire show kept triggering such wonderful memories. I walked into the living room and gave my Tony a spin on its base just to remember it all again.

I thought the Tony Awards show was  good.  Lots of great  numbers and plays that made me want to spend a month in New York City to catch up. During the telecast a presenter pointed out that the Tony goes to performers who perform 8 times a week, and not for just moments in media.  This makes it a special "performers award". There is a difference in performing live from any other type of entertainment. There is possibly no greater  challenge to a performer than performing in live theatre. I have to face it, my drug of choice is theatre, performing live for a live audience.  Live, happening in the moment... a moment that will never be duplicated  in eternity. A moment in time when an audience is laughing, thinking or sobbing together as one. It is that moment of observing Tao.

As you were,

Jay

The Laguna Playhouse

The Two and Only!

Tonight is opening night. The theatre is really beautiful and the show looks great on this stage.  Unfortunately I don't get Internet at the apartment where I am staying, I only have access back stage at the theatre. Once we have the show up and running I won't be here except to actually do the show. However, we are only and hour drive away so on my days off I will have a chance to come home and blog.

The FaceBook page for Claudia continues to be a wonderful place to find out how many people were touched by Loddie.  Sandi and I tend to check it several times a day laughing and crying at various posts. Today there was some great news regarding our youngest son.  Sandra wanted to call her sister immediately and tell her.  It is in those off unforeseen moments that her departure becomes so terribly real.

Tonight is for Claudia and I know she is watching.
As you were,
Jay

An interesting story from the World Stage

(interesting to me, at least)

I'm not a sports fanatic but do love when any sport comes down to deciding a final winner. I enjoy watching the finals of most any contest like the Superbowl or Wimbledon or the NBA.  That affection does not apply to Soccer or I'm sorry to say Baseball. The game of baseball relies on too many numbers to be totally enjoyed by a dyslexic.  Just think about it, to even describe a game of baseball requires a degree in mathematics.

i.e.  "Here we are in the bottom of the sixth there are two balls and two strikes one out, two men on base with four hits seven errors and five runs which puts them five games out of third place in the Eastern division."  

Are you kidding me? I can't keep up.  I like timed sports. You play and score as many points as you can before the clock runs out. And the clock runs backwards which totally fits my dyslexic nature. 

So here we are at the NBA finals and my home team takes on its most disliked opponent for the championship, and I am totally involved. But one story has captured my imagination, and no one seems to be talking about it much. It was briefly mentioned at the first game of the Lakers vs Celtics finals, but I never heard anyone else mention it.  To understand the significance you have to know that the Lakers and Celtics rivalry goes back generations.   But the last time they met in a finals was in 2008 when the Celtics won the NBA finals against the top seeded Lakers, on their own home court, Staples Center. It was the first time the Celtics had even been in the finals since 1996. 

The 2010 Celtics team is basically the same group of coaches and players as the 2008 champs so as Yogi Berra said, "It's dejavu all over again."   All this to explain the story that caught my attention. The night of the win at Staples Center in 08, Doc Rivers, the coach of the Celtics, demanded one hundred dollars from every member of the coaching staff and players. He would not tell them what is was for he just made everyone pay.  He took the money and hide it in the visitors locker room at Staples.  He was the only one who knew the hiding place and told everyone, "If you want to get your money back, you have to come back here and get it at another NBA finals game."  Two years later they are back playing the first game of the NBA finals, at Staples Center.  Doc Rivers goes to the hiding place, gets the money and pays everyone back. 

He didn't say how much money it was or where he hid it but did say he was surprised that it was still there after two years, expressing shock that no one found it when they changed a light bulb or fixed something.  He humbly admitted that it was a great hiding place.

This is a great story. An even better story would be if someone *had* found the money as Doc Rivers thought might happen. Would they have turned it in? Cash in hundred dollar bills? The statistics were against the money being found by one of the rich basketball players and more likely to be discovered by a maintenance man earning an hourly wage. I'm thinking, cash stashed in a wall is really up for grabs.  Let's take a vote...(see the polling square, top of the right hand column)

As you were,

Jay

Claudia Asbury

When I married her sister Claudia was nineteen years old. You're supposed to love your wife's kid sister, but I found it easy to fall in love with Loddie. In the first place she was only three years younger than me and a red headed version of my  hot dancer wife.  I doubt I will ever have another female relationship quite like hers.

Even as a young woman I was drawn to the artist that was Loddie. We were both the "middle child" of our families. I felt close enough and safe enough to share my ideas with her. I always valued her opinions of my art or others. She could be stubborn about a point, but it never came from a place of "mean-spiritedness". 

We laughed mostly. Nothing was too serious to laugh at.  I loved to make Loddie laugh. But Sandi will tell you that I tend to never know when to stop going for the laugh.  One evening when Loddie had enough of my rhetoric she taped my mouth shut during the television broadcast of the Kennedy Center Honors.

Loddie came to stay with us at our Studio City apartment when we first moved to Los Angeles.  Sandi was on a job out of town for a couple of days and Claudia was  working on a job. in town. I remember I was "between" jobs working mostly at the HORN.  Loddie and I were seriously into Backgammon at the time. It was the popular California pool side pastime of the idle actor.   We began to seriously play over the weekend Sandi was gone and played continuously for 18 hours with out stopping.   There were only breaks for quick runs to the convenience store for more Dr Pepper.  We had a lot of Dr Pepper together that evening and many others.  I used to be able to match Loddie can for can of DP. I think we ended up even on the the games as well.

There are almost 40 years of stories with Loddie playing the lead role. Like how Loddie got that nickname from Brandon. The snow castle with room for three we built at Lake Tahoe. Blowing off a ski run so we could stay in the lodge and talk. The road trip to watch Brandon's college graduation.

There should have been decades more memories and stories but, last Sunday Claudia Asbury the beautiful sister of my beautiful wife stepped away from her body and moved on.  

Trying to comprehend Loddies absence makes me remember what I will be missing for the rest of my life.  Why did she leave us so soon? There was much more laughter to share. This becomes too sad to think about so I just start remembering moments... again.. like in that picture above...Loddie and me together, laughing and clowning around during an opening night party....

Celebrating Claudia Asbury - on FaceBook

Celebrating Claudia Asbury 

On FaceBook

Memorial Day 2010

To the Readers,
After trying to keep a semi-daily blog for a couple of years now, I have not been able to post for the last couple of weeks. Due to a tragic illness in my family my thoughts and observations have been confined to that single subject. I have not shied away from personal admissions in past blog entries, but this is too difficult to write about. Perhaps there will come a time when I will need to write about it but not now.

I don't know how many people make this blog a weekly visit but I hope you will keep checking in from time to time. I like to write and this blog seems to be a satisfying outlet; I am sure I will be able to get back to it soon. Continue to be as you are and I will try to continue to be as I am.

This too shall pass,
Jay

NO BLOG - ARTS AND CRAFTS - PRINT THIS - CUT IT OUT AND GLUE WHERE INDICATED IT WILL BECOME A FULL MODEL OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING.

Yeah, That's a picture of the one I put together.

I have too much time on my hands.

You would think it would be easier to just

write another entry in the blog....

Taking A Break

While I'm away.. Enjoy Pirate Yarns from the Keel Haul Tavern...


As you were,
Jay

Hubert is actually Heneryetta  

We have a humming bird feeder we keep supplied with the most addictive sugar mixture available.  It is outside the kitchen window and we can observe the activity the feeder generates unnoticed by the winged participants. Recently there was a humming bird who  fiercely defended the feeder territory like a gladiator.

We named the bird "Hubert" and watched him guard the food supply for months, picking a fight with any other humming bird that attempted to feed.
Last week Hubert wasn't on duty.  We wondered where he had gone until we discovered this nest in the tree. It is only about an inch high and almost invisible. I snapped a picture with a maximum close up setting. Turns out that Hubert, the gladiator, is actually Heneryetta, the mother. 

She sits in the nest all day long, rarely even turning the other direction. This morning when I went out for the paper she was gone for a moment.  I got a ladder and very carefully peeked inside from a safe distance.  Nestled in the middle is a perfectly formed miniature egg the size of a ticktac.  I am almost embarrassed to say how exciting that was to see.

Okay so I am usually on the road making a living. Some might say that I have an exciting life performing on great stages and staying in five star hotels around the world. It doesn't leave much time to watch the parental life of a humming bird.   But, I have to tell you, I haven't seen a show on the road that is as fulfilling and awe inspiring as the one that is going, on almost unnoticed, outside in my tree. I wonder what else I am missing by not looking around more on a daily basis.

As you were,

Jay

CPA's

Normally you don't think of accountants as funny.  However, the business manager I have been with for decades is not the normal.  She is funny and smart and a good friend with impecible tastes.  When we moved to LA years ago one of the singers I worked with at the "Horn" said to me, "Some day when you are a big star my sister will be your business manager. "  Two years later I got SOAP and signed with a business management firm. I was assigned to the only female partner in the firm.  Turned out to be Barbara's sister Birdie just like she predicted. I'm still waiting for the "big star" part to come true.
Birdie and her husband Ted formed their own company after working for the best show biz firms in town.  I was able to steer my friends like Harry Anderson and writer/director Randall Wallace to her as they were making their fortunes and they have been part of the firm for years as well.  I'm glad to be part of the team.
I was at Birdie and Ted's house one evening with Harry  and we were sitting at their fabulous bar/den which had recently been beautifully reconstructed. I said to Harry, "I think they  call this the Jay Johnson bar, because my fees paid for it."  Harry said, "Are you kidding? I pay five time what you do... it should be the Harry Anderson bar."  I said, "True you pay her a lot more than me.... but who put you two together? That's why it is called the Jay Johnson bar."
Ted developed a case of Bell's palsy this week.  It is a treatable condition that causes half the face to become immobile.  The prognosis is good. It only lasts a few weeks and there will be a complete recovery.  However, the doctors said that the virus causing it is linked to Herpes.

Birdie said to me "when the doctor told Ted he had herpes.... well you should have seen the look on the other side of his face."

As you were,

Jay

Political Cartoon

I don't write about my political views. But sometimes I express my thoughts other ways. Here is one. I'm not sure the symbolism reaches everyone. I guess interpretation is the job of the viewer...

I call it

"Razing Arizona"

It will only take 43 seconds out of your day.  Make of it what you will.... or don't.

As you were,
Jay

NO Blog today..... Monkey Business.

Numerology- 

Here is an interesting mind game.  It uses Numerology to determine who you secretly admire as your hero. It is simple math... even I can do it. Try it...It's remarkable  how accurate it is!

1)  Pick your favorite number between 1 and 8
2)  Multiply your choice by 3
3)  Add 3
4)  Multiply again by 3  
5) You'll get a 2 digit number.....maybe 42, for example
6) Add the digits together.  Example 4 plus 2 = 6   

Now that you have a single digit number. Scroll down and check the last box on the right side of the screen that is titled "List of Heros". Your number will indicate who your hero is..... mine was Albert Einstein....

As you were,
Jay

Happy Anniversary To Sandi and Me...

There is a long family story that goes with this picture, too long to recall here.  It was taken by a street photographer on a rainy October day near Trafalgar Square in London.  The vendor also owned the monkey. 

 By 1974 Sandra and I have been married a couple of years and have enough money saved to take a trip. I had never been to Europe and Sandi wanted to go again so we went. 

We had a great time but we were broke when we got home.  Mr. Meeker hired us back at Charlie's Place and a year later we moved to Studio City.

They say, take a picture you don't like today and save it for ten  years and then you will really like it.  Well this picture of us is 36 years old and I'm still not sure I like it.  Sandi is trying not to notice that I am trying to grow a moustache, and I am trying not to notice that she is holding a monkey.

Sandi if you are reading this...I am glad we met. I can't believe how many years I have been in love with you.

Hurry home

As we were,

Jay

As you were,
Jay

Life is Too Short?

When I was living in Texas and out of college I made an animated cartoon called Orley the Worm.  I drew all the cells, photographed them on super 8mm film a frame at a time.  I was a man with a mission to experience animation. 

It took me about 4 months and when I got the film back from the drugstore, it was a 47 second long silent film including 15 seconds of credits.  I was stunned by the amount of work I had to do to get under a minute.
Today it is different. You can draw on the computer, save to Imovie and add sound in hours rather than months. So that is what I have done for the last week rather than write a blog.  Here is the result.  I'm not saying it is a candidate for short of the year... nor that it even makes any sense to anyone but me.  But I find the process so much easier now.  However, after all this work I am still sure that life is too short to do much of this.  I hope you enjoy click here to go to  Frog Kroakie:

As you were,
Jay

Dallas in the Spring

It has been too long since I lived in Dallas to remember how beautiful it is in the spring.  The weather was perfect last week for Sandi and me.  We remember the humidity and scorching days of Dallas summer the most.  Not so this time.  The one day it rained late in the afternoon seemed to be only an opening attention getter for the beautiful rainbow that appeared around sunset.

Of course our positive Texas attitude was shaped by the fact that I was there to perform for the 70th Anniversary of the Dallas Summer Musicals.  Michael Jenkins, managing director and one of my favorite Two and Only Producers asked me to come; it was a first class Dallas society event to honor the "not for profit" Dallas Summer Musicals and raise money for kids at risk. 

We stayed at the Rosewood Mansion on Turtle Creek.  That is a world famous five star hotel, located in one of most beautiful and expensive areas of Dallas.  The hotel is so friendly and service oriented you start to feel it is  your duty to let the staff spoil you.

 I grew up going to Dallas Summer Musicals but this was the first time I had ever performed on their stage. When the Two and Only came to Dallas we played  the more intimate Majestic Theatre Stage.  However, since it was my show that delivered Michael Jenkins and the Dallas Summer Musicals their first Tony©Award, I am part of the family.

The Dallas Summer Musicals was actually started by my first boss and mentor Charles R. Meeker, Jr.  I have written about him often.  He taught me most of what I know about show biz and I worked for him for 10 years until I moved to Los Angeles to seek my fortune.  

The show was great.  I shared the spotlight with Cathy Rigby, doing a scene from Peter Pan complete with flying,  David Cassidy, Ben Verene, Tom Wopat, Mitzi Gaynor and Sutton Foster. We had drinks with Sutton back at the Mansion after the show.  She is a massively talented girl and very special performer who is as nice as she is gifted.

During the final bows for the show Cathy flew as Peter Pan into the audience sprinkling fairy dust on the patrons.  It still takes my breath away to see stage flying and wire work done well.  I had never been that close to it before. Cathy, with her gymnastic abilities makes it look so easy and effort less.

The most interesting thing about it was the high tech stage craft that was used to launch her into flight above the audience.  On a predetermined signal the flying rigger grabs a large rope that is ultimately attached to a cable and the belt around Cathy's waist and he jumps into the orchestra pit.  Simple and effective.  The "flying specialist" was Steve.  He was off the next day to Barcelona to fly a seven person pyramid across a river.  I think it took more than just jumping into an orchestra pit for that.

Sandi and I moved from the Mansion to stay a few days extra with my sister and her husband.  It is always fun to be around my little sister who is still the best audience I can have.  My wife constantly refers to her  as a Saint, not just because she laughs at my jokes, but because she is who she is.  I don't think anyone who really knows my sister would disagree.  She comes from a long line of independently strong Toler women combined with the tenacity of the Johnson clan. 

We managed to spend time with my parents and a quick trip out to Dragonbone to visit my brother and his wife.  Dragonbone is beautiful especially when green and sunny. Here is a quick shot of the entrance to the Smokin' Dragon Pub which is part of Dragonbone, and one of my favorite places. It is so pretty with the landscaping and pergola in front.

So now I am back and preparing for the run at the Laguna Playhouse.  More about that later.

As you were,

Jay

Thanks and I love you Mom-

From: Your "different" Son...

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Cinco de Mayo

Fantasy Porn for ventriloquist puppets....

New Post

I am making my way across the country.  I will blog when there is an opportunity.  Very busy week, but great stories to tell upon re-Blogging.

In the mean time enjoy this:  

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees the lady behind the counter. She looks familiar to him.  He says, "Did you know you look like Helen Brown?"

The lady behind the counter says back. "Well I don't look to good in green either."

....

As you were,
Jay

As long as it must have taken to do these tatoos....don't you think he would have sobered up at least for a second or two?

JAYSON'S Magic Eight Ball

Friday Blog Business Announcement - Jayson's Magic 8 Ball, predicting device, over heated and melted this week from trying to predict human behavior. Future services of the Magic Eight Ball device will be limited. 

Answer Hazy - Ask Again Later

This graphic represents my muse, so hot that it is burning itself up. The question is this: is passionate creativity self destructive? Can there be too much inspiration? Can too much enthusiasm be detrimental?

As you were,
Jay

Return from the Sea

For some reason I thought a flight from Mexico City to Los Angeles was about two hours or the same as Dallas/Los Angeles.  Not so, it is double that with a flying time of four hours. After three hours in the air, airplane time begins to blur and it just becomes tedious.  I convinced myself that the flight back home was not so long. I really wasn't ready for a day spent in the air with small breaks standing in immigration lines.  But hey, the audience won't come to me, I have to go to them. It baffles me that some people actually *travel* for vacation.  I find nothing relaxing about traveling, it is a necessary part of my job but not my favorite part.  I have nightmares about things like the Iceland volcano causing such massive travel problems while I am on the road.  I'm glad I was on this side of the Earth this time.

At one of the immigration points,  and there were three "inspections" before I got to the US, they took my passport for a long time.  In a room full of other people I wait almost an hour while officials huddle, look at me and whisper phrases in Spanish.  After a while I hear one of the officers call out, "Yaycant".  No one responded.  The officer looks a little perturbed and says again, "Yaycant".  Nothing. Finally I hear him say with great purpose and force, "Yaycant Yonson".  I realize he is calling the name on my passport "Jay Kent Johnson." I even have problems understanding English when it is spoken in Mexico. 

We docked in Hualtulco, Oaxaca, Mx which is a days sail south of Acapulco. Now although it is spelled Hualtulco it is pronounced  Watoolco.  After mispronouncing it for a day I was told that the "h" has no sound in Spanish and is substituted with the sound of "w".  It was a guy named Hector Hernandez who told me that.  Rules such as this are very confusing to the dyslexic.

It was an hour flight to Mexico City from Hualtulco, a couple hours of layover and then the four hour flight home. I have flown Mexicana Airlines before but not since the airlines have gone "nickle and dime" on us.  I was happy to find that Mexicana still operates like the old days.  Coach class actually got a meal and free drinks, not just coke and juice, but adult beverages for free as well.  A couple of Tecatés make a coach seat much more tolerable for four hours.

As you were,

Jay

Shameless Promotion

I am away from the blog today working. But just wanted everyone to spread the word that  "Jay Johnson:The Two and Only" will be at the Laguna Playhouse June 11-13 & 18-20.  The theatre is  beautiful and Laguna is also a wonderful place to hang out.  A great arts community by  on the beach. This is just a week or so before Laguna starts their world famous arts festival so it is the perfect time to come and relax. 

"The Two and Only"  not only won the Tony  Award© for Best Special Theatrical Event... it also has the official stamp of approval see here.

Laguna is about equal distance between San Diego and Los Angeles . So you Southern California types (and those willing to travel further) who couldn't come to the Colony Theatre in Dec to see my show  have another chance. So mark your calendar.

Hope to see you (yes I'm talking to you) there.

As you were,

Jay

Why children are afraid of puppets.... sleep well my little kiddies.

Man Arrested for Abuse

(UPI - Kentucky) An unidentified man was arrested this week accused of abusing and killing a purplish humanoid creature. Seen here in a photograph taken moments after he was caught pulling the lifeless body of the little alien out of a black suitcase where he had been forced to reside. The strange man seems to be a transient living in a bus traveling from city to city, but never staying more than a day or two. What little is known about the offender is contained in a documentary called "I'm No Dummy" which was released to the public early last week.  But the documentary offered no explanation for why the middle aged man would do such a terrible act. The accused murderer offered no resistance to officers as he was handcuffed, gagged and taken to jail.  When reporters asked him "Why?" the man was heard to reply, "I thought it would be funny."  

He is being held at the Fort Mitchell, KY County jail. Judge J.R. Mahoney denied bail saying the man was a danger to society as he showed no remorse over the trouble and outrage he has caused. Brook Brookings, the transient's court appointed attorney, said he would look into the matter. Brookings only comment about the charge was, "You never know what drives people to do what they do. There is probably no explanation for the way he acts."

Attempts to revive the purple creature were unsuccessful and emergency medical personnel pronounced the color challenged unfortunate dead on the scene.

"We don't know how long the alien has been dead,"said one of the emergency responders, "We have never seen anything like it. He apparently never had a chance, since we could find no vital organs." 

For more information on this story go to:  Http.//ABUSER.con/registered offenders/

Close Encounters

There are things you see all the time that are so familiar and part of your environment that they seem to disappear after a while. That sort of mental editing is facinating to me.  

Some friends came by the house the other day.  They said they weren't sure they were at the right house until they saw the alien standing guard in the front.  I had forgotten he was there until they mentioned it.

Some people have a lawn jockey or a garden gnome, we have a green space alien in the front yard. I guess for a family that has vent figures standing watch over the pool table this is not so unusual. 

Because there is a high hedge and a fence that obscures the street you really can't see him until you are walking up the drive way.  He is about four feet tall and used to scare me at night when I would catch his shadow out of the corner of my eye.  No more, I think I would find it odd if he wasn't there anymore.

I'm not sure when he arrived but it was back when the kids were in high school living at home.  He showed up after a party they had when we were out of town.  They moved him around the yard for awhile.  He finally found this place and has been there for some time.  So long that I don't even notice him any more until he friends mention him. I call him Roswell. Seems to fit. He doesn't complain.

As you were,

Jay

Ventriloquist Bar

Several people have sent me this. I thought I would be the only one to actually get the joke. I guess not.

As you were,
Jay

The advantages of Dyslexia*

                               * I can read and write this way...
As you were,
Jay

Hand Printed Blog

As you were,
Jay

Look into the eye....You are getting sleepy.... sleepy.... your eyes are beginning to close... the image begins to wiggle in front of you... you are sleep...(no I'm not I'm reading this paragraph!) you are now under my power.... The next blog you read here will be extremely funny.... you will LOL so much you will LYAO.... funny.... funnny......

Friday

It's Friday and I got nothing. Perhaps if I would get out of the house and stop writing I would find some humorous things to blog about.  Spaulding Gray was asked to write a novel.  He said he couldn't do it.  All he could do is wait for something interesting to happen to him and write about that.  I find his sort of narrative much more entertaining than pure fantasy. Although, once you start to tell a story it is hard to distinguish the fiction from reality.  My wife is fond of telling people, "Jay never lets the truth get in the way of a good story."

The minute an event hits paper or, in this case, pixels  it changes from life to prose.  It is why stand up comics are always experiencing funny things.  We all face the same events, it is just that the comic can structure an ordinary event into a funny experience.

I do miss being in New York City for that reason.  There was  a funny event to experience every time I walked out of the apartment. I remember walking to work down 7th  Avenue one day. An old lady pushed an apple she was holding in her hand toward my direction.  She said, "Apple Dearie?" and cackled like the witch from Snow White.  A block later there was a guy in a Spiderman costume looking up at the side of a building, as if he was getting ready to shoot a web.

In LA nobody walks. Casual meetings are rarely accidental. You only see others from the waist up through the tinted window of an automobile.  There is no eye to eye contact, only  an eye to headlight connection.

At my corner of Ventura Blvd. they are constructing buildings and commercial real estate like Encino was populated by people who walk around.  All the businesses have these great entrances that front the Blvd.  However, the parking is always in the rear, so you end up approaching them from the back entrance.  There is nothing like walking through the kitchen hallway to get to your favorite table at the cool restaurant. Kind of takes the magic out of the moment.

Quoting Spaulding Gray again, he said that Los Angeleans have "a 30 mile per hour consciousness. " From the time LA  kids are born they are packed in a car, ride on a tricycle or glide on a skateboard down the street.  He says we have evolved into a species which can not register an image on our retina  unless it is moving past us at 30 mph. I believe he is right.

When I moved to New York I sold my car to save the expense.  The savings were substantial enough not to want to jump back into being a two car family right away, so we have gotten by with only one car for a year or two.  Most of the time I am out of town  and my car would sit in the garage anyway, so in these economically depressed times it still makes sense.  At times it is a problem because LA  public transportation is living in the dark ages but so far we have worked it out.  Other than meetings across town, everything I might need is  a short walk away.  However, I have to get to Ventrua before I ever see another human being walking.  It is great for solitude, bad for writing about human experiences.

So there you go... I told you... I got nothing. Hopefully the weekend will bring an experience that I feel good about sharing.  If not I will be writing more blogs about how I have nothing to blog about.

As you were,

Jay

Getting Weird?

About a week ago our friends Lynn and Tom were  at the house for the evening.  I had just acquired a walking-puppet from my friend René. Until he finds a better place to reside, the new puppet now stands next to John Henry (yellow shirt in the picture ) who occupies one of my Helen Hayes theatre seats in the pool room.

While Lynn and Sandi were in the kitchen, Tom and I were playing pool.  Tom said the puppets were throwing his "Nine Ball" game off by staring at him, so he wanted to have them face another direction.  I try to understand the idea that not everyone is comfortable with the unblinking attention of these effigies.

In an effort to improve Tom's pool playing, we left our Nine -ball game to "re-pose" the wooden people so they would not be giving the pool table their undivided attention.   Several tableau's were contemplated, but a scene of them watching the people who would be coming into the room was the idea  we went with. 

It took several attempts and a photograph or two for us to be satisfied with our scenario, and soon the pool game was abandoned completely in favor of moving around these life size action figures.
So, here are two grown men posing puppets and photographing them as their wives suddenly walk in the room.

Sandi looks at what we are doing and says, "Now this is getting weird." 

Lynn immediately said, "Getting weird? At what point was this not weird?"

If we were moving furniture around or hanging pictures we would be decorating.  By moving puppets to suit the room we are "weird."  It goes to the thesis of my theory that ventriloquists are not crazy, they only appear to be crazy by the nature of their art form.  I am sure this defense will be of no help when Sandi and the boys have me committed (any day now).

Just a note... Tom's Nine-ball game did not improve afterwords.

As you were,

Jay

TV Guide!

I made the cover of TV Guide. This is my first magazine cover, ever. My picture has never graced the front of any publication before. And, I have lusted to be on the cover of TV Guide for at least 35 years. 

This is the current issue of TV Guide and SOAP is ranked as one of TV's Top 50 families of all time; and a family photo of the Tates and the Campbells made the cover. (Follow the arrow to the white circle of Bob and me - we look much bigger in real life.) 

Making the cover of TV Guide is a huge deal to me.  I grew up idolizing the television stars pictured on the cover of TV Guide. And now I have joined their ranks proving it's never too late to accomplish a dream. 

When we moved to Los Angeles I signed with a personal manager.  Just so I don't get into some legal trouble let's say his name was Dick Linke.  He managed a lot of hot television actors at the time.  Framed TV Guide covers with their pictures filled his office walls. I would see those covers every time I went to see him.  I ached to have my picture up on that wall with the other celebrities. To be on the cover of TV Guide hanging on Dick Linke's wall.  It was a dream. 

I didn't make it onto the wall and Dick Linke didn't make it as my manager.  We parted ways pretty soon.  When I fired him he told me I would never do any better than what he could do for me. I am happy to say he was totally wrong... because.. I just made the cover of TV Guide Mr. Linke! Or in the words of Homer Simpson:  "In your face, Dick."

It was Jack and Amy "Darlin'" that made this happen. Thank you. Dear friends *are* dreams fulfilled.

As you were,

Jay

Past Projects 

Yesterday being Monday I decided to look around for unfinished projects awaiting my return.  Since it rained last night I  have to wait a day or two for any outside projects to dry, so that means I must search my list of inside projects.  I have spent the weekend drawing so my art muse has been active.  I decide my "writing muse" should be exercised. (Or is that exorcised... both words would be appropriate given the perception of the task at hand.)

I look through my list of documents and find my book on "How to be a Ventriloquist".  I have been writing this book for almost 40 years and have a file of drafts and research that fills a small flash drive. Several people have expressed an interest in publishing it and I have always wanted to write it.  It just seems to be the project that never ends.  To reacquaint myself with the text, I chose to read a draft with the most recent date.  Even this draft is a couple of years old.

It's fun to read stuff you've written long ago and forgotten what you said.  I was actually enjoying the draft, correcting, rewriting and editing as I read.  But after 20 pages or so the narrative suddenly went in a direction that didn't make any sense.  I seemed to have written myself into a corner.  That's when I came upon the last paragraph in the draft:

I have lost the muse and I can’t write anymore. The washing machine incident has left me hung out to dry. The arms of Morpheus have left me bereft of energy and desire to continue. The anticipation of a trip to beautiful Fargo has left me cold.

I don't remember what the "washing machine" incident was but I vaguely remember a corporate show in Fargo, ND in the middle of winter a couple of years ago and I was not looking forward to going there at 20 below.

You would think that a book on ventriloquism would be very easy for me to write.  It is one subject that I know most everything about.  Perhaps that is my problem, there is just too much to tell, the scope is just too big.  Like that analogy of five blind guys describing the elephant, each part is correct but it doesn't convey the total picture. 

Rather than push past the "lost my muse" paragraph I decide to write a blog about it.  I have know my muses to come and go on a schedule of their own,  but this vent book muse is really taking her time. If you see her... send her my way soon, Okay?

As you were,

Jay

Shaken and Stirred--

We intended to have a very low key Easter afternoon. It was a lightly overcast Easter Sunday, the Lakers lost and I was on the couch with a sketch pad.  Sandi had just walked outside to the back yard.

She immediately called me to come out and look at the pool.  Neither of us had ever seen what was happening to the water.  There were large waves sloshing around and lapping on the sides.  At the same time it felt like the entire yard was on the deck of a boat in a light sea.  It was a dizzy floating feeling. At the same time the wind chimes began to clang and there was no wind. There was no doubt that it was an earthquake, but where and how strong?

I turned on CNN and they were breaking the story, and eventually they joined KABC, one of our local stations. We were feeling the rolling shock wave of  a Mexicali 7.2  earthquake that struck Southern California/Mexican border at  3:40 p.m.  We were not close enough to feel the magnitude but the rolling earth was still able to move water out of the pool a 7 hour drive away.  Since the rolling did not cause anything to fall or break, it was a pleasant momentary  dizziness, like rough seas on a ship.

The picture above  is a set up; I didn't have my camera with me at the time.  I wish I could have videoed the movement of the water.  It was very spooky.  We forget how powerful the earth is until it flinches a little. 

As you were,

Jay

Acrylic on acetate. Cel drawn by Jay Johnson

"Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it is too dark to read.." Groucho Marx

Good Friday

It's Good Friday.  Here is hoping we can make it Best Friday.  As for me Del Mar is calling and perhaps a little time at the ocean searching for that perfect sunset again.  I always feel like everything is right in the universe when the roses in front of the house pop and blossom on Easter weekend.  I love it when the calendar and life seem to be in sync.

As you were,

Jay

Personally?

Tuesday night after one of the gentlemen sang his song on American Idol, Simon Cowell said :

 "The problem I have with you right now is, as a person and I hope you don't take this personally but you come off as very boring"....

How is someone supposed to take a statement like that except personally?  He says, "As a person..." Since it is addressed to his person, it is by definition personal.  It is now part of our language.  As the rude factor goes up in society it is okay to attack someone as long as you say, "I hope you won't take this personally?"

At one time I was a devoted closet watcher of American Idol.  It's not something I would share with a lot of people.  Six years ago it became email fodder for a group of my writer friends.  It was a three person game coming up with the quickest laugh line after a Tuesday American Idol show.  Email makes it an exacting sport since each entry is time stamped.  Unfortunately one member of our group died suddenly.  The two of us tried to keep it going but it was never the same.  My interest in American Idol waned as the writer's game was ultimately abandoned. 

 Now I just tune in occasionally but don't really know the contestants that well. This Tuesday I tuned in to see the changes.  I think the show has run its course.  The talent pool has been mined and the contestants are not as good this year as in years past.  Four judges is too many, and although I am a fan of Ellen DeGeneres she really doesn't add anything to the show.  I would suspect with Simon leaving this year could be the last for the franchise. You wonder what Simon Cowell will be qualified to do after his stint on American Idol.  I suggest he go to work for the California Department of Motor Vehicles... his sensitivity and personality would fit right in there.

As you were,
Jay