Photo of the Day:  This is a newly discovered Mayan Pyramid near the coastal town of Maya City.  It is not that newly discovered as you can see by the healthy tourist trade that has come to conquer the native people one more time.  It is old, revered because it is old. Famous and popular simply because it is old. Yeah, there is a point to this picture and rant.   You'll see.

I was asked to do an interview today with a British journalist. He wanted to meet me for tea near the Arts theatre at my leisure before or after the show.  I suggested since I was now some distance away from the theater (of Death!) due to a premature closing it might be better to do it by phone.  So, phone it was. 

I expected his call at 11:00am Pacific time. That hour came and went and I forgot about it. Promoting a show that isn't currently running is not a priority.  At three o'clock, when I was completely involved in trying to conquer a universal remote for the garage and the gate, he calls.  At first I didn't remember who this guy with the funny accent was.  But soon we are on the same track, well, sort of.  For the sake of identification, let's just call him "Limey Bastard." 

He says he is doing an article on ventriloquism.  First question: 

LB: The failure of your show here in London, how much of that is due to the difficulty of presenting ventriloquism in an interesting way? 

I am ready to respond, but he has not quite ticked me off enough, so he adds one last twist.

LB:  I mean it is a very old and out dated form of entertainment. Do you think that perception is part of the hindrance in making it work anymore?

I'm not sure if he heard me cock the family shot gun but he soon realized he was the target of both barrels. It went something like this:

JJ: First of all the failure of the Two and Only at the Arts theatre was not a problem with presenting ventriloquism, the performance or any aspect of the show itself. We closed early because two dickless British producers (that's right neither one is named dick) failed to fund their portion of the show as agreed to. They stuck us in a theater that did actually draw flies, but nothing else, and before all the rave reviews were even published they pulled the plug and gave up.  

LB: Oh I see. I am so sorry. Who were they?

JJ: Look it up.  Now lets talk about this old thing. You mentioned to me that the perception of ventriloquism being "an old tradition" might be a hindrance.  The more I consider that question the more I am floored that a British writer would even think it.

 After seeing hundreds if not thousands of British people watch the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace a few weeks ago, I realize that the British hang on to things simply because they ARE old. The traditions of Parliament are centuries old yet your country embraces them with an almost arrogant dignity. Your judges still wear powdered white wigs to work. Your country continues to participate ancient rituals that by now have lost all modern relevance.  I think you have some old writer by the name of Shakespeare over there.  It seems his stuff is not yet too "old" to be a hindrance.

For that very reason one would think my mother country would admire the art of Ventriloquism if for no other reason than because it is "old".   

Here in lies the schizophrenic thinking of my art. People have not been burned out on ventriloquism, they have been burned out on bad performers.  You see a bad singer, you just think, bad performer, can't sing.  You see a bad ventriloquist and you proclaim death to the entire art. Perhaps if the dickless had put their money where their traditions were my show could have made this conversation irrelevant.  I'll bet you see plenty of bad performers during the Edinburgh festival week.  This must mean that festivals are now "out". Let's proclaim them dead and move on.

LB: What are the difficulties of doing comedy with ventriloquism? I mean how can you make comedy work with ventriloquism?

JJ: What are the difficulties of playing jazz with a classical violin.  It's an instrument, an outlet for art.  Comedy is the music we play with a ventriloquist figure.  It only matters how good the musician is,  I once saw a guy play Beethoven on a carpenter saw, if you closed your eyes you could swear it was Itzak Perlman.   Oh and by the way, a violin is a very old instrument don't you think it might be an "out dated form of entertainment?"  Perhaps in your article you can suggest that we stop going to concerts if there is the possibility we might see a violin.

LB: This is a short article and I think I have enough information.  Thank you.

Pitty because that was just one of the barrels, and I was ready to reload.  

Back to the picture.  Old. Old art form... old pyramid.  It's a good or bad adjective depending on how you want to see it.  It either adds value or depreciates it. I have decided before they start calling me old along with my art form, I will celebrate the value of old. 

So here's to old friends, here's to old values, here's to old wealth, here's to old wine, here's to old songs, here's to old movies, here's to being old enough, here is to anything that is not old hat.

As you were,

Jay