Ever had one of those inappropriate laughing spells? It always happens in a setting where laughing is the last thing you should be doing, but you can't control it. We've all been there.

It was portrayed perfectly in "The Death of Chuckles" episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show years ago. AFI ranks that episode as the funniest moment in television history.  Well, here is my real life contribution.

Two of my three sister-in-laws have performed the show Evita many times. Donna (number three) even starred in the title role for a year. Because of them I have seen this show more times than any human needs to.

The production show aboard one of my recent voyages is a tribute to Broadway. With nothing else to do that evening I decide to attend. These ship board production shows are mediocre at best but I am under some delusion that I am duty bound to watch. I guess in my narcissistic fog I assume the performers on stage will say to themselves "Look isn't that Jay Johnson 2007 Tony Award winner sitting in the orchestra section? How gracious of him to come. " If my desire was to get noticed that evening I guess my wish was fulfilled.

The producers have taken Broadway songs and rearranged them into what they think is a contemporary look and sound. There is only a basic set and the choreography is usually basic as well. This show starts weak and slows down,  but there is a moment that for me is unforgettable.

A familiar orchestration begins and I recognize it immediately as the balcony scene from Evita. I settle back to "experience" it one more time. I know it all too well. I could do it in drag.

A production singer in a long white sleeveless dress appears at the top of a staircase just like the original. If you know the show it starts with a mournful, "I had to let it happen..." She begins singing and descending the stairs.

The foot of the stairs is flanked by two male dancers. She reaches the stage deck just as she is singing the phrase " You won't believe me..."

On the word "believe" the two dancers grab the white dress and rip it away revealing a shiny silver mini-dress underneath. There is an immediate orchestral "shift" into a very heavy beat and they literally launch into a frantic "disco version" of "Don't cry for me Argentina". It is startling and catches me extremely unprepared.  

I had just sipped my beer which vaporizes as I spit it into the air and onto the row of people in front of me. As if this classic Danny Thomas spit take was not enough, I explode with a loud uncontrollable, spontaneous "gufaw" which I did not know I was capable of creating.

Heads turn, old ladies frown, others "shush" me but I am gone, laughing without redemption. There is nothing worse than trying to stifle laughter that is uncontrollable. I am too far into the row to make a diplomatic exit. I would like to say I suffered in silence but I could not stop shaking with laughter and I could not be silent. I do not remember the next two numbers because I have my hand over my mouth and head down trying to compose myself.

I have never been so embarrassed nor laughed so hard. Of all the versions of Evita I have ever seen I never knew it was a slapstick comedy.

My apologies to the cast and crew.

As you were,
Jay

www.monkeyjoke.com

Disclaimer

Often you will see a blurb at the bottom of my blog that reads: "sent by my
Verizon wireless Blackberry".

These are not my words nor is it an attempt to inform, illuminate or brag. Rather it is a high tech alphabetic leech that attaches itself, without my approval, to every email I send via the Verizon/Blackberry network. When I make a blog submission on the road via Blackberry email that obnoxious phrase invites itself onto my page. In some cases I have edited it from the blog once it is published, but that defeats the whole convenience of emailing the blog in the first place.

It irritates me and although there are Blackberry users who claim a way to eliminate it, I have not yet been able to dislodge it from my communications. I know it can't be done on the Backberry itself after hours of trying. If anyone has the secret let me know.

Neither Verizon nor Blackberry pays me for that advertisment. I have never seen a rebate on my wireless bill for "email endorsement". They assume I am an evangelist for their product by virtue of my purchase and usage. Once you have paid for a product isn't it your right to remove the label?

I would rather the blurb be more informative than just a crass piece of commercialism. It should say "written with my thumbs on a microscopicly small two inch Blackberry keyboard". It would still give that brand identity corporate types seem to crave, and it would help remind recipients that m-sTa}es and typos on such a small scale input unit are inevitable.

Since only humans can type with their thumbs, it would also insure that no one mistakes it for a message that was sent by, let's say, chimps.

So readers of this blog. Although you will occasionally see that tiresome verizon/blackberry ad at the end of my blog, ignore it. You should disregard anything written after my standard signatory salutation " As you were, Jay"....except this time.... I'm not yet done writing.

That phrase at the end of my blog entry simply means I am not at home on my desktop computer; I am on the road and need to communicate with my blog world in the best way I can.

Okay, now I'm done. Here comes the signature tag... It means I'm finished. I have said all I intend to say for this entry.
As you were,
Jay

You can stop reading.... Really the rest of this entry is just capitalism at its worst. Nothing I can do about it. When I stop "thumb typing" they will cut to commercial. Those Blackberry bastards and Verizon vermin. Mac Iphone doesn't stoop to this level. Here it is.... Warned ya...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Most of the time when someone asks me about the whereabouts of one of my characters I give them the answer I think they want to hear, "Bob is at the bar" or "taking a shower" or "floating in the hot tub". It is second nature to me and I don't think much about it, Sort of a smart ass knee jerk response. This has gotten me into trouble more than once, and now once more.

I'm on a ship and my cabin attendant, Lilly, is from some country I never heard of before. What little English she knows is much more than my knowledge of her native tongue. Communication is very limited to say the least. But then again, long complicated conversations in this temporary association are unnecessary.

Since I am performing on board, my picture appears in the ship's daily newsletter to announce my show. In this case it is a picture of me and my monkey, Darwin.

Second day out Lilly asks me in very broken English if I am the one with the monkey? I am used to such inquiries and say, "Yes."

She says, "He is in cabin?"

"No," I say, falling back on my repertory of smart ass answers, "I think he is on stage rehearsing with the dancers".
"Then I clean room?" She says.
"Sure," say I and continue on my way. It seems to me a normal exchange between ventriloquist and cabin attendant given our limited ability to exchange complex ideas.

Later, I return to the cabin. The room is clean, bed is made, towels are fresh and there is a banana on the dressing table. This is not a cruise line that usually provides in room "snack fruit" like some do, but this doesn't register with me at the time.

Later that night I get hungry and eat the banana.

The next day I pass Lilly in the hall. She says, "Your Monkey like banana?" I rightly assume she has left the banana as a joke. I laugh, pat my stomach and say, "He loved it." She is confused by my body language but says "Monkey backstage now?"

"No, he's napping in the cabin." There is probably a word for "smart ass" in her language but she says nothing. Once again I am on my way.

When I return there is a banana on the deck just outside the cabin door, but the room is not done. The "make up room" sign has been flipped to the "do not disturb" side.

This should have been a tip off to any sane person, but needless to say that's not me.

There is another day of this banana game and I figure out what is happening. When I say Darwin is "out" she cleans the room. If I indicate he is "in" she doesn't. I wonder if she thinks I'm working with a real monkey who demands his privacy?

The next time I see her I try to explain what a puppeteer is, what a ventriloquist is, and what an idiot is, with the idea that I am all three of those things. But these are not concepts which resonate in her limited English vocabulary. The best I can manage to communicate is that the monkey is in the closet.

I don't see her the next day, but that evening my room is done and there is a banana in front of the closet door.

I don't know if she is joking with me or if she thinks I keep live monkeys in the closet. I may never know since we won't be able to work this out bilingually in the short time we have together. My guess is, by now, with the total lack of monkey droppings in the cabin, she knows Darwin is a puppet. I am tempted to keep the ruse going and tell her the monkey is toilet trained. But I am sick of eating bananas just for a joke.

It just goes to show you... I'll never learn.

As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

No, you haven't come to the wrong blog. I only changed the main title name. You probably didn't even realize there was a main title. After you have seen it a couple of times it really disappears. It was "Hell and next Phase" now as you can see it is "The World's a Stage." I think for now that expresses my feelings and more accurately describes the tone of this blog.

"Hell and next Phase" was a play on the former main title, "Hell and Haze" which was a play on Helen Hayes - the name of the theatre my show played on Broadway.

Today I opened the blog and realized that the play on a play on a play on words is just too much of a stretch. I think any comic would agree. I still love the Helen Hayes Theatre, you never forget the theatre where you won your first Tony, (see Tony Picture below) but there are other theatres in the future of The Two and Only.

(note: Okay, I know publishing a picture of the Tony, or MY Tony, on my mantel is a little obnoxious. But I still have to pinch myself every time I walk past it in the living room. I look at the engraving very carefully to make sure it really does have my name).

Soon I hope to be delivering a nightly blog from London's West end. Thus... The World's a Stage. (only a trained writer like myself can get two paragraphs out of the simple act of changing a title - over-explanation is a gift my children say is my natural talent)

I bought a map of London today. The big selling point of this city map is the words "water-proof" written almost as big as the name of the city. Perhaps I should take note of that fact and pack like I am going to Portland.

As you were,
Jay

Several times a week people will say to me, "Tell me when your show is playing where I can come to see it?" The truth is I love to perform this show for anyone, especially friends. Some of my oldest friends worked with SQUEAKY years ago and are delighted to see him again.

Early on in the tour I would call or email friends to let them know when I was in their area, but no more. I've pretty much stopped doing that, because they rarely come when I let them know. The friends who do come to see my show are generally the ones who surprise me, not the other way around. They usually let me know they are coming, rather than me telling them I am going to be performing.

For example, I have a friend I've known since my first year of Six Flags shows. She lived in LA when I moved out here and we were close then, but she moved away years ago. We don't get to see each other very much now, but I let her know about my show both times it was in LA. I also let her know when it was on Broadway. She never came but every time I would run into her she would say, "When can I see your show?"

Our last stop was Albuquerque. This happens to be where my friend currently lives. I wrote her to tell her about the show at Pope Joy Hall in her city on April 11th. I didn't hear from her until the day before the performance. She emailed me to ask,"When are you coming to New Mexico?". I wrote back and said, "I am getting on a plane today, and the show is tomorrow, Arpil 11 at the Pope Joy Hall. Can't wait to see you." As it turned out I was not the only one looking forward to seeing her. David Wylie another Six Flags friend who knew her from the same year was coming to the Albuquerque show. He was a surprise to her.

She never showed up, nor sent a message until the day after the show. She forgot it was Friday but wanted to know, "when is your show playing where I can come to see it?" I wish that was a rare occurrence but it happens a lot. I now figure if you are supposed to see my show, you will. I perform it. Other than that I really don't have much control over who comes to see it.

To sum up: Two cousins and their families, and eight people from Abernathy came to the show in Albuquerque. One cousin drove all the way from Roswell. I didn't know they were coming and it was a great joy to see them. Thanks DJ, Cherri, Max, Kathy, Horton and families for making the effort. I would rather be excited and surprised to see my friends and relatives, than disappointed when they don't show up when invited.

My friend David lives in Arkansas and has seen the show three times, Broadway, Dallas and Albuquerque. He tells me he is even going to surprise me in London. I will be excited when that happens. Wylie attended the shows post mortem and was unanimously voted a member of the TAO Teddy Bears. Congratulations David.

The Pope Joy was a special performance. The Wiz was back to call the show. Her last time for awhile. Union rules keep me from taking my crew across the Pond. It was just Lori, John and me. The Atlantic Theatre unholy three. The original pirates of the production. It recalled the fun and excitement of the off Broadway days.

As your were,
Jay

For those who don't know my act with Darwin, this may not make sense. But here goes.


I am on a ship and finished with my shows for this run. I am now not crew, not passenger, I am cargo being hauled to Grand Caman where I will be off loaded and sent back to Los Angeles. As I am killing time looking around the duty free shop, an Asian man approaches me with his camera. "Nice show, I enjoy monkey velly much." (Writing pigeon English is not my strength). He asks if he can take a picture of me with his 5 year old son, sitting on my knee like Bob. I have no problem with this and the kid could care less in any language.


As we finish the picture the man's wife and daughter walk up. They are clueless as to who I am and why the little boy is sitting on my knee in a liquor store. The Father then says something, which taken out of context, becomes a felonious offense. He says, "Look it's Jay...you know, Don't touch my hiney" and he laughs hysterically.


Without a word, the mother takes the boy by the hand and leads the rest of the family quickly away from me as the man keeps laughing and repeating, "Don't touch my hiney".


I only hope that later the man is able to explain it is a call back to my act with Darwin and that I am not a catholic priest on vacation.


It supports my theory that ventriloquists don't go crazy, those around them go crazy.
As you were,

Jay

I am a lover of great theaters. Recently I had the chance to tour the Sydney Opera House. It is as wonderful as it looks. Basically the sail like exterior is just a shell with five theaters inside, all constructed with an acoustically perfect wooden infrastructure. One of the theaters is called the Playhouse. It is about 400 seats and would be perfect for "The Two and Only." I have entered that wish into the cosmos.

There is another theater that is one of the great jewel boxes in America located in San Francisco. It is the Bohemian Club Jinks Theatre on Taylor Street. It is about 800 seats. All the fly space and trap doors to create most any type of show. My first venture into the idea of a one man show was performed on the Jinks Theatrer stage. Tonight I will be part of another show, that will be performed only once.

The theatre is part of what the Bohemians call the City Club building. Unfortunately, only the highly selected Bohemian Club members and their guests ever get to see it. The Bohemians are a club dedicated to the arts. They have an original show there about once a month.

There is a lot of speculation about the Bohemians because it is an exclusive private mens club and there are politicians, billoinaires and power players among their ranks. There are also performers like me. A club dedicated to the arts has to include a lot of different artists. The rich seem to understand they can't buy the gifts artists have been given. They can only provide a plce for them to express.

I am at mixed feelings about the fact that the theatre will never be a public venue. It would be great to open it up to the theatre community. However, it is a hundred years old and it is maintained in its original beauty by a dedicated group of Bohemians. Without that budget it would probably be a parking lot today. Theaters have to have deep pockets to continue their life as a theatre. The Sydney Opera House is owned by the Australian government.

So I guess you will just have to take my word for it. Tonight will be a great experience, mostly for us who get the honor of tramping the boards. I am blessed, and enjoy any moment I can play on a stage.
As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I look forward to seeing all in attendance at our run at the AJ
Fliecher Opera Theater in Raleigh, NC this week. Yeah, I know that
date in not on the tour calendar of "THE TWO AND ONLY" website. I hope
there has been local publicity, cause I definitely will be there. I
understand the first night is sold out. That's a nice thing. I can't
wait to get back to doing the show. I love to perform, and I guess I
love to perform "The Two and Only" most of all. So, to all who come to
the AJ Fliecher Opera Theater... I can't wait to see you.

Sandi and I just returned from a quick working cruise from Sydney to
Brisbane, Australia. We were only on the ship three days and it seemed
to take almost that long to get to the ship. I performed two shows on
one evening, so it was fairly easy. I loved Australia

Travel has been the motivation for most of the great stories of the
world. Great adventurers have made careers out of recounting stories
from their travels. "A funny thing happened to me on the way to...."
is classic standard comedy set up line. The thing one remembers most
from their latest trip becomes a tale of great value. So........ After
48 hours in Sydney, 38 hours on board the Serenity, 18 hours in
Brisbane, 6 hours in Hong Kong and 34 hours on three different
airplanes in the last 7 days here is what I remember most. The list is
short, I will arrange in bullet points:
-The worn purple 1950's carpet covering the Grand Entrance stairs to
the Symphony Hall of the Sydney Opera House.
-The puppet shop located on the lower level of the Rocks.
-The massive expanse of the duty free shops and the size of the Hong
Kong airport
-The love I immediately felt for Australia
-The airport security over seas is so much better, efficient and
pleasant than the TSA in America
I could write a blog on each one of those points, but tomorrow I travel
again and there will be other bullet point to be added to the list. I
am way behind already with stories to be told. I have to stop traveling
to actually write about traveling. It is a catch 22.

Both Qantas and Cathy Pacific Airlines are members of the one world
alliance. This means the frequent flier miles back from Australia will
be added to the two million, two hundred thousand miles I have on
American Airlines already. For all the traveling I have been doing the
One World Alliance will reward me with... you guessed it.... Free
Travel. I think this is the text book definition of a squirrel cage
existence.
As you were,
Jay

We have a month off from the Two and Only. I am back working at my regular job, which is looking for regular jobs. That of course is a joke. I have never had a regular job in my life. Even what I consider a job is working with a doll, so you wouldn’t label that “regular”.

The writer’s strike is essentially over. Los Angeles is getting back to the over indulgence it is known for. Writers can write again, the Academy Awards are saved and all is right in the plastic world. Unfortunately some writers that weren’t writing before the strike will now have to say, “I’m unemployed,” rather than “I’m on strike.”

At Highland and Hollywood, the site of the Kodak Theater, there is an Oscar exhibition advertising the up and coming ceremony. Several vintage Oscars are on display as well as some of the statues that will be given away in a few weeks. One of the most interesting is a miniature Oscar that was given to Judy Garland when she was a child star. It is about half the size of a regular Oscar. As if to say, child actors are half as important. They show the process of making the Oscar statue, and list the names of all the nominees with their pictures.

At the end of the tour there is an Oscar statuette that you can actually pick up and hold for a picture. Over the weekend I was in line with Nicki and Jeff, my niece and her husband, who work in the film industry, cueing up to hold the statuette. I asked, “Wonder if the same curse holds true with the Oscar Statue as the Tony?” They didn’t know the legend, so I told them. The Tony legend says that if you ever hope to win a Tony, you can never touch a Tony until it is yours. They said they had never heard that before.

No one said anything. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement. We just got out of line and avoided touching the Oscar. There’s no sense screwing with curses and legends. I doubt I will ever be a candidate for receiving an Oscar. Five years ago I would have said that about the Tony, so you never know. However, I think some day I may get to hold Nicki and Jeff’s Oscar. Until then I will be satisfied.

As you were,
Jay

The McCarter is a great theatre, as is SOPAC and the audiences could not have been better this last weekend. Two great nights on this magical mystery tour. I am really pleased at the way the show is being received on the road.

I got a comment on the blog asking me if I liked the small size of SOPAC. For me it was great. The "Two and Only", seen in an intimate theater is a great experience for me and the audience. The size of a theater is important mainly to producers. They obviously can make more money in a large theater than a small one. Me, I just like the intimacy of the experience.

I am in New York for a day to fly to Culver, Indiana Monday for a Tuesday show. New York is great. I feel at home here. The energy is unique. I feel more alive than I have for some time.

I normally take the subway but took a couple of cabs today. I got two great stories from some very talkative drivers. I will eventually recount them here some day soon.

In the city I met with my friend Philippe Parreno who directed "Iil Tempo del Postino", the art show I did in Manchester last July. He is in town from Paris talking to the Guggenheim about a couple of new art projects. I am always inspired to be around him. A great mind and very creative person. Someone I am honored to call a friend.

He had pictures for me to sign from "Iil Tempo".i I thought they were 8x 10's. Not so. They were six feet by four feet glossies of my section in the show. The print is mostly black theatrical lighting except for my face exaggerated by the 24 inch magnifying glass I performed behind. I look like a doomed passenger looking out the port hole of the Titanic. It makes an interesting poster.

We signed a dozen or so prints in large white pen. He copied my signature and I copied his super imposed over mine. It creates a very unusual graffiti like scrawl. However, it is a great statement of collaboration. Both signatures become one, him writing my name and me his. What I realized is we were not just signing autographs we were making an art piece. The longer I know Philippe the more I realize that is what his life is all about. Always making art.

We had great fun rolling the prints out on his hotel room floor and trying to forge each others signature. He had reams of paper to practice on, and glossy paper to get used to the feel of the pen. We were like little kids in a kindergarten art class. His french accent makes any thing he says funny to me. We laughed a lot. It was a great experience.

One of the prints is mine and I'm not sure I have a wall large enough to hang it on, but it is definitely a wonderful memento not just of the show, but the fun of signing them.

Only in New York do these things happen. It is why the energy is so great here. I always feel my artistic soul being fed in the City.

As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I am waiting for my plane to Newark, so I'll take a moment to catch up on my blogging. Writing this with my thumbs on a blackberry in the middle of LAX is tricky so go easy on the critique.



We started this year's tour in Crystal Lake, a bucolic part of Chicago. It was a matinee and evening performance on a hit and run schedule. Pretty much an eighteen hour day at the theatre. We set up, focused, ran some sound, did a cue to cue, set for the matinee. It was back to back performances, then pack up and move on. John Ivy took a picture of the three person crew standing at the stage door the morning we got there. The next day on the drive to the airport we looked at the picture and remarked how long ago it seemed.



The show actually works well scaled down set wise. I do miss the scoop carpet, but that is not an easy load in. The story and all the characters play.



Now we are off to a couple of theaters in New Jersey and a swing through Indiana. I have no confidence in the agents booking this tour. I haven't from the start. It's not my call, yet, but when it is, I'll find an agency that understands this show a little better and where it needs to be booked.



It feels. A lot like the Broadway producers are done with it. My show that is. They won the ultimate Broadway prize, the Tony, and there is really nothing more in it for them. They can make some money, but not enough to get their attention. This is a small show with a single cast and single company.



This is not sour grapes. I just have a different agenda. I want to perform this show in as many theaters and for as many people as I can for as long as I can.



Hopefully we are just getting started.



As you were,

Jay

The largest house in America is located in Asheville, North Carolina, the Biltmore House, built by a Vanderbilt son when he was twenty-seven years old and unmarried. Those of us from the west coast can brag about the Hurst Castle but it can not compare to the Biltmore House build by George Washington Vanderbilt at the turn of the century.  It is an amazing structure.  It is 175,000 square feet of what could only be described as a castle. That is about four acres of space.  It is dwarfed only by the actual property that it sits on which is 185,000 acres. When asked how much the home cost the answer is unknown.  George paid cash and destroyed the receipts because he said it was a person matter, and nobody's business how much it cost. 

It is an amazing property to see. In a house this size it is not just about the number of bedrooms, but the number of servants quarters that are available to accommodate the quests.

There is an indoor swimming pool and a bowling alley down stairs.  There is a pastry kitchen,  roticery kitchen and a regular kitchen, all bigger than the square footage of my own house. 

I suggest that everyone who can come to Asheville, North Carolina visit this incredible exhibit. It was one of the perks to spending a New Years Eve here. The exclusive bed and breakfast we stayed in while here is not to be believed. However, you need to get on a thirty year waiting list.

This was the best New Years that I have ever spent. 

As you were,

Jay

Happy New Year blog readers. This is one New Years Eves I chose not to sell out and go for big money and perform. Instead this New Years Eve was a special evening with a very exclusive group, my best friend Harry, his wife Elizabeth and my best girl Sandi.


I rarely get to laugh as much as tonight. I rarely find the conversation so stimulating nor eat and drink so well. To think, out of all the places I have been Asheville, North Carolina would be the center of the entertainment universe for me.


I have spent many New Years Eves with my friend Harry Anderson, and probably performed on stage with him more than any other person.

With our wives we enjoyed a great dinner at the four star restaurant Horizons, and got back to the Anderson house in time to watch Anderson Cooper declare the beginning of 2008. After popping another bottle of bubbly we decid on alternative entertainment. In our pajamas we watch a vintage 1979 Halloween network variety special starring Paul Lind. The comedy special is not funny nor special, unless viewed with this audience.


Harry makes me laugh and it is of little importance where we are or what we are doing, we have a creative synergy that is unique. I wish everyone had a friend like mine. If they did the world would be a better place.

As we turned in, exhausted from an evening of laugh cramps, I made one last toast,

"To my BFF." To which he replied "BFD".



Make it a Great 08.

As you were,

Jay

This is a strange feeling, being on the road in town. Segerstrom Concert Hall in Costa Mesa is about an hour drive from my front door. However, with unpredictable Los Angeles traffic patterns it can take two or three hours to make the trip. Rather than spend hours and hours in a dressing room before the show, or risk being late for a performance, the Pacific Symphony put me up in a lovely hotel literally fifty yards from the stage entrance.

I packed like I was going away for a month, forgetting that I would have all day to make a two hour trip if I forgot something of major importance.

I am looking forward to performing this piece again. I had great fun with it in Dallas.

The second half of the Symphony is the Von Trap children singers. I think they are the grandchildren of the kids made famous in the Sound of Music. They seem very nice if rather intensely focused, enjoying a rather odd celebrity. I was not one who saw the movie multiple times and I was never a performer in any production of the musical. (I suspect this makes my Tony win all the more unique) The person walking by my dressing room whistling "How do you solve a problem like Maria" probably did. I suspect I could be a hero if I let it be known I was Julie Andrews opening act for several seasons.
More from the bowels of the symphony world later.

As you were,

Jay

After closing the "Two and Only" at the Dallas Majestic Theater, I stayed around to perform the Christmas concert with the Dallas Pops Orchestra at Meyerson Symphony Hall. My friend and conductor Richard Kaufman asked me to narrate the orchestration of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Bob and I recite the poem together after a quick routine. Later I come back on stage, alone, to conduct the orchestration of "Sleigh Ride".

To compensate for my conducting skills Richard and I turned this section into a routine. We get a couple of kids on stage to shake sleigh bells with the orchestra. Since Bob is not on stage at this time, I pick one of the kids to help me. They "audition" by opening their mouth when I tap them on the back as I make them talk like Bob.

The first night we pick a little girl who becomes terrified and stands like a statue on stage. There were no laughs to be mined with her that night.

Richard and I decide we need to pick a more precocious child the next night. There is an energetic six year old boy down front who looks like Opie and can't wait to get on stage. He is right out of central casting for a Norman Rockwell painting.

I am sure he will be perfect until I ask him to open his mouth when I tap. He looks me in the eye and says, "I am not going to be your dummy. " That was that, he would have nothing to do with me from then on.

This is what I love about live theatre, you just never know.

As you were,
Jay

Any good paranormal will tell you that there are many levels to a haunting. The ghost I saw at the Helen Hayes was your garden variety specter. That is a visual manifestation which doesn't do much more than appear and disappear. They can be startling or even scary but not destructive.

However, I would classify the presence at the Majestic Theater in Dallas as a poltregeist. I haven't had many dealings with poltregeists. It was an interesting experience. Having had it, I think I prefer to deal with the much more benign sectors.

I'm not sure one can assign logic to a phenomenon nor give it a personality but that seems to be a very human thing to do

The stage hands call it Hobbetsell, named after the millionaire who originally built the Majestic. I'm not sure why he would want to disrupt the theater but he may be ticked off because the theater came very close to being turned into a parking garage a few years ago.

Hobbetsell messes mainly with electrical devises. Stage lights come on when there was no one at the dimmer board. Bulbs would burn out almost daily. Lamps would move out of focus more than any other time we have done this show.
Cameras wouldn't work in the theater and work fine out in the street. Several times when I would pose for pictures with fans their cameras would malfunction.

My blackberry would re boot every time I came into the dressing room until I started greeting Hobbetsell as I arrived for the evening.

And we had more microphone trouble in this one week than in the entire run so far.

The thing is, poltregeists are difficult to prove. Unlike a specter that you can see and sometimes photograph, the poltregeist can be explained by random chance. Lights burn out and electronics drain batteries. Shit happens as they say.

But I would say that the sheer number of occurrences happening this week to the Two and Only was odd and notable.

It is why this run of the show will be even more unforgettable. Thank you DSM, Michael Jenkins, the local crew, Lori, John, Sandi and Murphy everyone who came to the show, all my friends, especially those who have written to this blog, and good night to Mr. Hobbetsell.
As you were,
Jay

Dallas Opening

When Zero, the head of electrics at the Majestic Theatre, told me about Mr. Hobbetsell the ghost that haunts backstage I knew I was in the right place. Mr. Hobbetsell has been particularly active in advance of my show. I personally can't wait to meet him.

The opening was great here in Dallas last night, the Theatre is fabulous and the set looks beautiful on stage. There was a wonderful opening night party afterwards. Dallas is a very elegant city and never more so than the support of the arts.

I don't read reviews but they tell me that they are good and the Dallas Morning News was a valentine.

I have so many wonderful friends who are coming. Jane Hitch who was in the first Six Flags show I did and also in the cast of the show at Six Flags Over Georgia was at the show and the party. She is beautiful as ever. What great friends show business makes.

I am typing this with my thumbs so I will write more later, but enough to say it is certainly very exciting to be doing the show here and in this theater.
As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The warm up shows for Dallas are over and I am really happy. I think we are in great shape for the run at the Majestic. I am looking forward to it more than I can say. I think the full creative will be there. If you didn't see the run of this show on Broadway then I hope you can see it in Dallas. It is proving to be a very magical run.

The shows at Ithaca and Indianapolis were very successful. We did them with a minimal set and in some cases the wrong lighting board but the reaction of the audience was incredible.
I am so blessed with this show. It continues to be a dream come true.

Big "D" here we come.
As you were,
Jay

I am on my way to Ithaca for a warm up performance of "The Two and Only". This means I am carrying more characters than a normal working trip.

In Orlando I am going through security when the TSA agent looks at the xray image of my carry-on. He says, "Sir, do you have three heads in your carry on?"

I say, "I'm sorry how many heads are you allowed to carry on?"

All I can say is, the TSA has no sense of humor.
As you were,
Jay

Jo Ann the publicity lady for the Majestic Theatre in Dallas wrote to me requesting video footage of The Two and Only for publicity. It is not material that I have possession of. This is something the producers usually take care of. It is, after all, in their own best interest to promote the show.

So, I write to three members of the Broadway team, the publicist, the marketing guy and the lead producer, asking them to send the material to Jo Ann.

I immediately get three emails back. One from each of the people I
wrote.

Publicist says, "We will get it sorted out."

Marketing says, "I'll get right on it."

Lead producer says, "Who is Jo Ann?"

As you were,
Jay

I just got a letter, addressed to me, mailed to the Helen Hayes Theater on July 9th of this year. The letter is from a gentleman named, Joseph Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle, of Negombo Road, Dankotuwa, Sri-Lanka. (If I were doing stand up at this point I would say, “I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat.”)

Mr. Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle is writing me for permission to translate “The Two and Only” into Sinhala, the language of Sir Lanka. His goal is to do my play for the dramatic theater of Sri Lanka. Although flattering to think that someone would think of my “play” as good, translatable Sri-Lankan drama, I just don’t see how it would translate.

A year after I got married I worked as a writer for a bilingual educational children’s television show. It was supposed be the new Sesame Street but it was canceled.

One of the things I learned from this experience is how difficult it is to translate jokes. The show had to be balanced with equal segments in English and Spanish. Once in a while the producers would come to me and say they were light on Spanish and needed to translate my sketch. There would be a language person that would accomplish this task. In a read through the next time I would hear my sketch (which I thought was extremely funny) it would get no reaction from the Spanish-speaking writers. At first I assumed it was professional jealousy but soon realized there were no jokes left after the translation.

It reminds me of a Johnny Dark routine. He did his act for a Japanese speaking audience one time. He found out they only knew three words in English,
“You, not funny.”

Mr. Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle said he learned of my show from the Internet so I assume he has not actually seen it. The fact that he thinks it is a drama is not a good sign. He may be reading this right now. I have sent him an email explaining that it really is a show that involves my art as a ventriloquist and not intended to be performed by anyone other than me. However, on the chance that I could do well in Sri Lanka I have decided to learn Sinhala. The way the tour is going I think I may need to look for other venues.

PS. Don’t forget to tell your friends about “The Two and Only” in Dallas.

Dallas: Jay Johnson The Two and Only

As you were,
Jay

Finally Dallas has posted information on Jay Johnson:The Two and Only! It is not on this website, but for those who want to know you can go here and get all the info.

Dallas: Jay Johnson The Two and Only

I can't wait to do the show again, and I hope you will all be there.
As you were,
Jay

Performing on a ship I have passenger status. I'm in a passenger cabin not crew accommodations and I can do any activity the passengers can. It also means I have to participate in the life boat drill, even though I have done it hundreds of times before. I hate it. It is hot and boring. Old ladies think it is sad for a person to be traveling alone and invite me to have dinner at their "red hat" table.

On one trip I decide not to go to the boat drill. They announce "security will check every room to make sure everyone complies". I do the math and figure there is no way they can check a thousand rooms in the time they have. So I hide in my cabin.

I am kicking back; the drill has begun, I figure I am safe, when I hear the door lock start to turn. Shit! - They do check every room! In a quickly ill-concieved plan I jump behind the curtains. (I think I saw this done in a Marx Brothers movie once) I figure security will open the door, see no one in the room and move on.

But that is not what happens. I hear the cabin door open, then the bathroom door open and someone walking around the room definitely not leaving quickly.

I figure it is only a matter of time before I am discovered so I poke my head through the curtains. I see it is not security but my cabin attendant Dolores.

Dolores is a portly Jamaican woman whom I have become friends with in spite of her superstitions about my career. She is very cautious of a man who works with, in her words, "graven images".

Her back is turned to me as I whisper her name. I want her to know I am there, but not call a lot of attention to my absence from the drill. She looks nervously left and right but not behind her, where the voice is actually coming from.

One more time I say in a stage whisper, "Dolores". This time she looks behind and sees... my head sticking through the curtain; to her perception it looks like a disembodied head floating above the floor calling her name!

She screams and jumps on the bed, doing an adrenaline fueled Jamaican voo doo dance. I come out from my hiding place to calm her down hoping her screamimg has not alerted security.

We will laugh about that for the rest of the trip, but the next week she transferred to work on another deck.

As you were,
Jay

Last night was the one year anniversary of our Broadway opening. I couldn't let the day go by without a blog mention.



I spent the evening alone with my memories in the middle of the ocean on board RCCL's Enchantment of the Seas. Granted there are 1500 others on board as well, but none I felt was worthy of this special occasion. It was, for that reason, an unremarkable event.( Bob and Darwin even had other plans that did not include me.)



It seems longer than a year ago for all the things that have happened since. But it was such a wonderful experience and still fresh on my mind.



I wanted to run

The Two and Only for a year on Broadway but that wasn't to be. However, a Tony Award is a great emotional equalizer.



Paul Kreppel, one of my directors, is still running off-Broadway in a show that opened about the time we did. His performance is the best thing about the show, which will probably continue to run through Christmas. Odd how things work out.



I am looking forward to Dallas almost as much as Broadway. I spend a lot of time wondering why the powers in charge can't convert a Tony Award winning show with Valentine reviews into a great tour?



London is the next big thing. I think the show will have a much greater appeal there than even New York. There will be new producing blood with an entirely new idea about marketing the show. It is in the works and very exciting.



So thanks to all who made that Broadway experience possible. I still run into people who are in love with the show. The cruise director on this ship saw the show off-Broadway and raved about it to the shipboard audience.



I can't wait to be performing it again.

Happy anniversary.

As you were,

Jay

Here is the deal with a blog. Sometimes you have the time to write something and sometimes you spend that time creating something else. So here is how I spent way to much of my time in the last week.

More Video. This is a viral commercial for our run in Dallas. The music is Juno Reactor a favorite group of my youngest son who turns 21 on Sunday.

As you were,
Jay

Embedding a video into the blog is an experiment. So is the film. (If this video causes the page to load too slowly please let me know. In the future I will try to post films in a different way)

Explanation:
This is a video scrapbook of the pictures I took in New York while doing “The Two and Only” at the Atlantic Theatre, now known as the “off Broadway run”. There are stage photos of the show, the family and even shots from the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. The resolution is blurry, and it is to jerkie, I think it happened in the transfer. It looks and sounds much better in real life.

The song is Steely Dan doing “Centruy’s End”. I am not ashamed to admit that I like the music of Walter Becker and Donald Faggen. They have some great tunes to edit film and pictures to. I think it’s in the jazz root of the beat.

I hope you enjoy it.
As you were,
Jay

Here is a shout out to Bob Oliphant whom I would write personally if he would send me his email. Thanks for the comment, Bobby. I doubt you could have sneaked up on me in Dallas without me catching you. I can’t wait to see you again. Mike Christian still owes me a couple of dollars from a poker dice game back stage at the Crystal Palace.

Another friend and ex-roommate David Wylie tried to sneak into the audience for my Broadway Opening night. He even called me on the phone a couple of days before to say how sorry he was that he wouldn’t be able to make it. I knew he was there long before he knew that I knew.

A film crew followed me around backstage when we did the show in Los Angeles. At one point they caught me sneaking a look at the audience before the show. It is an old ritual that I have observed since my Six Flags days. My first request to Beowolf Borit, my Broadway set designer, was “give me a place behind the set to see the audience without them being able to see me.”

I like to watch the audience come into the theater. I like to watch them sit down, are they talking to each other? Are they reading the program? I like to get to know them before I take over their lives for a couple of hours. I think of it like a wolf stalking sheep. (Comedy is always expressed in aggressive metaphors Like, “I Killed them” “The show was a knock out”.. etc.)

Most of the time the stage lights create a dark wall between the performer and the audience. By studying the audience with the house lights on, I have a better sense of who they are. Body language is really telling when people don’t know they are being studied. I used to be able to find potential hecklers in a comedy club audience before their first drink. The system is not perfect, but I have been right more times than wrong.

I remember a comic who “went after” an audience member who was hurling heckling noises at the stage during his performance. He was merciless toward the poor guy, and it would have been funny if he had really been heckling. It was a multiple sclerosis patient in a wheelchair who was enjoying the show in the only way he knew how to express himself. The comic barely got out of the club alive when the audience turned on him. He should have noticed the wheel chair before the show started.

So, sneak, hide, ambush or wear a disguise but please come and see my show in Dallas. I will be seeing you before you see me.
As you were,
Jay

“Jay Johnson: The Two and Only!” website should be posting some of the dates for the tour soon. If you have followed this blog for the last year, you know that I am generally the last to know. However, here is a partial schedule:

Ithica, New York - October 27, 2007

Indianapolis, Indiana - November 10, 2007

Dallas Majestic Theater – November 27 – December 2, 2007

Some of the finest minds in show business are working on next year, and there are several other surprises TBA.

I am really looking forward to Dallas, no offense to the other cities and theaters. Playing Dallas has been my goal for this show almost as much as playing Broadway. “Bringing my Tony Award winning show to my home town”, sounds great to me.

The weekend after we close the show at the Majestic I am “conducting” the Dallas Symphony Christmas Concert thanks to my friend and conductor of the Symphony, Richard Kaufman. Bob and I will do “The Night Before Christmas” set to music. The next weekend we will reprise the performance with the Pacific Coast Symphony here in Southern California.

I was in Las Vegas the first part of the week. I was there for an event attended by my ex-manager Greg Janese and my current agent Chris Burke from William Morris. Greg is now an agent and a major competitor to Chris and the William Morris Agency. We have all been friends for too many years to count. To be honest the major reason for attending was the chance to get together again.

I met Chris and Greg for dinner in the hotel. Before I could even greet Greg (who I haven’t seen in several years) Chris pulls out a contract from his pocket. It is a release that states, “The undersigned, Greg Janese, will not attempt to steal my Tony Award winning client Jay Johnson away from William Morris or Chris Burke.”

Great agents also have a great sense of humor. Here is a shout out to Chris and Greg. They are the guys who make it all work for me in more ways than just friendship.

As you were,
Jay

Just to let you know that there are many ways to make your mark in New York City.

When we were doing our show off Broadway at the Atlantic Theatre, I used to pass by 23rd and 7th Avenue almost every day to and from work. One day I noticed a name scrolled in a patch of cement at that corner. The name was JAY. It was there long before I got to New York.

A few days ago I received this photo. Now there are a lot of Jay’s and probably several Darwin’s in New York City. However, the odds on these two names showing up on the same slab of concrete is astronomical. I understand this anomaly is located uptown around the Inwood/Washinton Heights area.

I have no idea how it got there, nor does the person who sent the picture to me. (Although I am suspicious “the other one” has more knowledge than I was given)

I can’t really claim this bit of “urban art” is a direct result of “The Two and Only”, but it points out a phenomenon of this show. We may not have found the biggest audience in New York but I would bet we found the most loyal. I still meet people who saw the show at the Helen Hayes six and more times during the short run. The house staff used to call them “frequent fliers”.

Perhaps there are some frequent fliers reading this blog right now. Perhaps even the person who did it is reading as well. Here’s my thanks to all of you. Thanks for supporting the show, thanks for being a part of a life long dream. Thanks for reading this blog, and thanks for being a friend to me and to the show.

Some people get their names inscribed on the streets of New York, some win a Tony, and some have both. Since I fall in the “both” category, it is time for me to count my blessings and pinch myself in hopes this is reality. It is for certain I count you as one of my blessings.

As you were,
Jay

It’s funny how an event can change the way you remember everything from that moment on. Normally I would not remember the last time I bought new tennis shoes, but because of something called the Tony I do.

The last pair of athletic shoes I bought was the week before I made the trip back to New York for the Tony awards. Had I not won a Tony the little details about what I bought for the trip might not be remembered, but in this case I know I’ve had these shoes since June 5th.

Last weekend we were invited for an evening of dinner and sailing on a friend’s sail boat. Naturally, I wore my semi-new tennis shoes. The ones I have worn almost every day since I purchased them two months ago.

I didn’t know the Captain’s girlfriend but about ten minutes after we met on the boat she made the comment, “I am trying to figure out what is the deal with your shoes.”

“What IS the deal with my tennis shoes?” I asked.

“Well, it’s the laces?” She remarked. I looked at the shoes and didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. I had no idea what she was referring to. That is when she pointed out that the left shoe was laced with zigzag lacing, while the right one was laced with straight, parallel lacing. It was obvious the two shoes did not match because of the way they were laced.

When faced with a mathematical error, spelling mistake or some slip in perception, I usually cry dyslexia is to blame. However, this seems to be a decidedly obvious lack of attention. As an artist I believe I am more perceptive than average, but this calls that belief into question.

I suppose had she not been so brash I would have continued to wear the unmatched shoes for the rest of their natural life. How many people have noticed and not said anything? How many people just assumed it was a fashion statement or idiosyncrasy? Much worse they could be thinking, “The poor old man can’t even tie his shoes.” Tony winners I suppose should know better than to go in public that way. I corrected the mistake before we cast off that evening, and have been better dressed to that degree since.

I am reminded of a story that happened years ago at a theater in Fort Worth, Texas. I was in the lobby waiting to see a show. An elderly lady dressed in her finest entered the theater alone. As she walked across the lobby she dropped her program. She bend down to pick it up and realized she was wearing one red shoe and one black shoe. Here dress was not long enough to hide the mistake. She stood up in a grand fashion straightened her clothes and walked out of the lobby crying. I have always felt sympathy for her but never thought I would become her. I know now that we are all just one shoe away from insanity.

As you were,
Jay

And you thought there would be no more mention of “Il tempo del Postino”. Wrong, this is the Internet universe we live in pencil-neck. There are a few interesting production pictures from “Il tempo del Postino” on the web. However, I don’t think the site is operator friendly. In an effort to get you there faster I have devised this Internet map for you. (See Below)

WARNING: Seeing the web pictures won’t help you determine what the show was all about. The show is an artistic enigma, the more you hunt and search the more vague its art becomes. This leads us to know more and more about less and less until eventually we know all there is about nothing. *

The only picture of the Matthew Barney piece is the wrecked car stage set. You can see the coffin shaped grease patch the “bum girl” stood in but, alas, no naked women in the act of their performance. You can see the girl playing the corpse on top of the car. I never got her name and she was not listed in the program.

http://www.manchesterinternationalfestival.com/gallery/

The first picture is me behind the glass. Have you ever performed from inside a fishbowl?

But before you go:
Here is how you get there:
You will see this screen without the red arrow.




Go to the Drop Down menu and roll to “Ill tempo del Postino”



Click the drop down menu “Il tempo del Postino”


* I don’t know if you clicked away, went away for a while, or continuing reading before seeing the Postino pictures, but we were in mid-thought about ART. This has nothing to do with understanding the Manchester experiment.

Art is experienced through emotion. What is liked is revered. What is not liked is rejected. One experience is art the other is not. It is ultimately a judgment call.

It can be said that art ultimately means nothing and we are fooled by the artist into believing this nothing is important. However, if a person can make other people believe in the unimportant, shouldn’t that person be called “artist”.

In the words of Walter Helmhurst III magician and sage regarding the art of magic, “If your cat has kittens in the oven… you don’t call them biscuits.”
As you were,
Jay

Unless you have seen a show at the Hollywood Bowl, you really can’t appreciate what a unique theatrical experience the evening can be. Twenty thousand seats embrace the deco shell of the stage in what seems to be the middle of the secluded Hollywood hills. Under the stars and balmy night sky you would never know the sprawl of Southern California is actually on the other side of that hill.

Sandi and I are here to see Brian Stokes Mitchell and Reba McIntyre do a semi-staged performance of “South Pacific”. It is a dream cast of this classic show which lives up to every expectation.

The Hollywood Bowl is a massive venue and people watching is the main pre-show attraction. The sloping curve of the audience seats make it easy to look out across the mass of humanity. It is not unusual to see A list celebrities sipping wine and having a picnic dinner. Our seats are closer to the back of the audience than the front, but we have some great binoculars.

The dress is always California casual at the Bowl, so when a man dressed in a suit and tie comes up the aisle, he gets special notice. We watch as a man in a tie climbs higher and higher and closer to our “nose bleed” seats. He keeps coming and eventually comes right up to me and says, “Jay, congrats on your Tony. What an accomplishment. Brian is having a few people back stage after the show. He would love for you to be there.”

Ego takes over and I think to myself, “Well I guess out of the twenty-thousand people I am the only Tony winner here tonight, sort of a Tony winner quid pro quo to get to come backstage.” The answer to an offer like that is always yes.

The truth is, the man in the suit is Joe Benincasa, executive director of the Actors Fund. He said he saw my show six times on Broadway, he is a member of the Tony nomination committe and a voter. Brian is president of the Actors Fund and they are having a little Actors Fund “get together” reception after the show, and he is inviting me on behalf of Brian.
Joe and his wife are sitting close to us and he just happened to recognize me as he was going to his seat.

It was great to hang out backstage at the bowl and to reconnect with Brian Stokes Mitchell. It is not an exclusive meeting but definitely a Tony perk.

No wonder theater is so attractive to us entertainer types. There is a community of welcoming artists ready to embrace you like a long lost member of the family. Perhaps that brotherhood exists in other professions, but it is one of the defining traits of Show Biz.

As you were,
Jay

Ebb and Flo

Nothing much to report from the edge of sanity. I am on the largest ship in the world the Liberty of the Seas. It will be the largest ship for another couple of years until the launch the Genisis, it will be about four times bigger than this.  I think eventually you will be able to board a ship and walk the deck to Ireland, it will be that long.

 

I miss the artist of Manchester. It was like some Sheakspearian Midsummer night dream. I have to pinch myself that it really happened at all.  I know that I don't live a normal life, but the life that these artists live it even odd by my standards. Actually I am looking forward to doing the show again next year in Paris and Amsterdam. 

 

Interesting thing. I am now being introduced as "Tony Award winner...".  It always gets applause. It is almost like a knee jerk reaction by the audience.  MC says Tony Award and the audience clapps.  It is really fun to observe.  I am certainly enjoying the ride. 

 

This week end I will go the the Bohemian Grove.  It is a secret society and I can't even mention that I am a part of.  However, I am the first Tony Award winning member they have ever had.  I get to take my victory lap among the redwoods and hob knob with the boys of Bohemia. It is always fun.

 

As you were,

Jay

It was an eighteen-hour proposition to get home from Manchester yesterday. I was traveling with the Sun so it never got dark and time seemed to stand still. Time was so still in fact it seemed like 30 hours in the air instead of half that.

I won’t go into the experience of traveling. That could fill several blogs. With the amount of flying I do, every blog entry could be about transportation.

It is enough to say that British Airports are poised at their highest level of security. We were dropped off at a parking lot at the edge of the airport and had to walk to the terminal. No cars were allowed to get close. I was checked and frisked three times before I got on the airplane.

Because of some confusion with my ride, I ended up traveling to the airport on a bus with all the “bull set” cast. This included the “urinators” and the musicians, the dog wranglers and wrecked car mechanics. The musicians and the urinators are from New York City, no joke required, and “bum girl” (the one with her hand up.. you know) is from the United Kingdom. It made me feel a little better that Matthew had to go outside the United States to cast at least one of his parts.

Bum girl is quite famous in her own right. Her name is Mouse and she is an “exotic pornographic performer” based in Britain. She has a website that is just a little bit scary with film of herself involved in activities that are beyond shock. (So I’ve heard) Which means for her this experience was just another day at work.

We shall do the show again in Paris in February and they are talking about Amsterdam and Copenhagen. There is some talk about whether the “bull set” will be performed or not. The concern is not over the pornographic values or obscenities in the piece, it is about the animal rights issues of the dog on the head and the bull on stage. To me that’s ironic, you are not allowed to do to an animal what you can ask a performer to do.

My Tony Award arrived while I was away. I opened the box and put it on the mantel last night. There it is with my name on it and it is real. I haven’t waked up yet or it really isn’t a dream. I make excuses all day to walk through the room and gaze at it. After my experience with the artists I realize it is not the actual object, but the feelings the object evokes. For me this Tony brings up feelings that are beyond words. I see it and smile, I read my name and I believe, I touch it and feel a spark.

Sandi and I are taking a week to regroup on the high seas. I am performing on a new ship I have never been on before, the Freedom of the Seas, largest ship in the world. To give you an idea of the size, it is almost four times the size of the Titanic. But the access to the internet is still difficult and expensive at sea. So, my posts will be limited in size and occurrence. Besides, I really don’t imagine I will experience bulls, head dogs and urinators on a cruise. Old people and heart conditions, you know.

However, I still remain your reporter from the twilight of sanity.
As you were,
Jay

Well," Il Tempo del Postino" is history. I am hours away from winging my way back across the pond to find some normalsey in Los Angeles. Yes, that's right, I said normalsey in Los Angeles, those words have rarely been used together in the same sentence.

The wrap party is still going on downstairs at the hotel. There is one thing about Artists, they can party till all hours of the night or in this case morning. Counting the orchestra, the performers, the artists and the production people, there are hundreds of artisians who made this happen. They are all down stairs trying to make some sense of what we all have experienced. Everyone is feeling the release of accomplishment, birth really. I don't think the full significance of this event will be realized for days, perhaps years. The world of contemporary art is completely foriegn to me, but to my knowledge, and the experience of those who do know, this experiment has never been tried before. The mating of theater and performance art.

Theater is a world of compromise. The limitations of time and logistics sometimes dictate how a scene will be presented. Sometimes a better way to accomplish an effect is realized by the compomise of two designers in the context of the theater. Theater requires many artists to produce. Theater is a community of work.

To the artist there is no compromise. Each affect is specific and any compomise will affect the integrety of the idea. The arist working on canvas for example never compromises. He will mold the colors and composition in a way that only he agrees with. Ther artist toils alone. It is a singular work.

In Manchester what happened was unique. The theater people learned that sometimes the brush stokes must show, and the artists learned that sometimes there is an easier way to communicate the same idea. What was born was a bastard child that has never existed before, a synergy of theater/art. Everyone learned, everyone grew, everyone will be forever changed, and I was an invited guest to wittness it from the inside.

Tonight I watched the "bull set" performance one last time. This time the experience was with an audience that was seeing it for the first time. It was gross, it was obsene, it had no relevance to my in my world of jokes and humor. But I found myself hanging on every movement of the man with a dog on his head. It was like a bad dream that does not fade when you wake up, unlike the pleasant dream that can't be remembered. I found myself digging deeper into the symbolism to find what can't be found, sense in the senseless. Why was I watching this, and why were they doing this, it was a question that will never be answered. But the question that cannot be answered is the one that keeps repeating.

I have joked about it, and belittled it, and had great sport being the outsider, but I am not the same person that arrived a week ago. I have changed. Isn't that the goal of all art, to move the human spirit from one place to another? To question what we think is "normal", to wonder where the line of humanity is? Only when we cross the borders we think are solid do we mark a new frontier.

I will never see my performance in the same way, because I have performed my art in front of three thousand people behind a 12 inch magnifying glass. What did the audience see? That is not so important as what I felt. In some way I was more naked than the girls who stood with out clothes. They simply displayed their bodys, I displayed my artistic soul. I will never feel quite so unveiled, yet when the curtain was drawn back I was still there. There is an artist hiding inside of me. I found him this week. Before now I did not know what the "bull set" piece was called. Tonight, in the audience, watching this profanity I read the title for the first time in the program... the piece is called. "Guardian of the Veil".

As you were ( but I am not)
Jay

Update on the performer preparation for the peeing process. The "urinator" (as I now call her) has switched from Evian water to beer. She threw back about three pints tonight before my first bit. I can't say that I blame her. She must have read the reviews. I personally think they should serve beer to the audience.... lots of beer.

Okay, so I am learning about art with all my new artist friends. You just have to come up with something that no one understands, most people don't like and the more offensive the better. No matter what, claim that it is the viewer who doesn't understand. So here it is my first attempt at truly cutting edge art: I call it... ANGRY BIRDMAN

The reviews came out to day and I broke my rule about not reading them. I just realize that reviews coming out on Friday the 13th is not the best of signs. Of course all the talk is about the bull, the guy wearing the dog on his head and of course the urinating naked women. Duh! Hey reviewers... there is two hours of a show before the women even start to pee. We are doing a complete show before the bull and the dog even arrive at the theater.

I do have a favorite comment by one of the reviews. He comments on the fact that the show does not allow children to attend. He said that it is not because the kids might be offended, it is because a child would see it for what it is and boo!

This is so true. I think it is the ultimate carny trick. As adults we are told to look for more than is obvious. What is the hidden meaning? Hey.... maybe there isn't one... maybe the emperor has no clothes and naked peeing in public is just well, against the law if not on stage.

They added a part for me after the tree. I didn't tell you about the Tree. A large tree is on stage, the curtain opens and we look at it for 7 minutes. It's dead.... you can't even say we're watching it grow. Here is the weird part... it got applause. I get to follow the tree because it takes so long to remove the tree. I say let the audience watch the crew take it backstage... at least there is some action to that. Let the stage hands do it naked, let the dog have a go, then later we could say peeing is a call back.

By intermission I am done with all three of my performances. They have cars to take us back to the hotel.
Tonight I was ready... I went up to one of the drivers and said, "Can you run me back to the hotel". He said, "No, sorry. I'm here for the dog." From Tony Winner to second billing under a dog.
As you were,
Jay

So, I know how the unrination thing works now. Don't get me wrong it is not that I was trying to discover the secret. The 'bull set" cast just happens to be dressing, or "undressing" in this case, on the same floor as my dressing room. The contortionist starts drinking Evian water about an hour before the show. I saw her in the hall way tonight chugging a couple of liters. I don't know, do you call that preparation, rehearsal, what? I am still confused about the timing. Speaking from personal experience I tend to lock down when a stranger enters the public men's room when doing my own business. How do you "turn on the shower" with 1500 people watching in the audience.

All these years I have tried not to drink too much water because I might need to pee when I get on stage. Here she is, worried that she won't be able to pee when she gets on stage.

Also, what do you say to the naked girl with her hand up the tush? "Hey nice show, a really conviencing performance. I have never seen anyone do it better?"

But the big question is... how do you find these performers. What kind of audition is this?

"Okay will all the girls in the front row strip naked bend over backwards and water the boards... and five, six, seven eight."

"Number four, really sorry honey, your body is great, the back bend was sensational, but the unrination thing was just not coviencing. Keep working on it. Now will all the girls in the back row... make a fist turn up stage and..... five, six, seven, eight..."

I did find out that the dog the guy wears on his head is not a professional. The bull, however, is.
As you were,
Jay

The computer I am using here in Manchester belongs to the hotel. Mine has a voltage issue with the British electrical current. Each room in the hotel has a wonderful Mac G4 hooked to a fast internet. The only problem is that if the intenet isn't active for longer than 5 minutes it cuts you off, and I can't save anything to the computer locally. The only way to get back on the internet is to reboot which destroys my work.

I lost two long blogs from that process last night. I will try to keep them short, but for this project there is just too much to tell.

We didn't make it all the way through the dress rehearsal last night. What I am now calling the "bull set" piece ran longer than 50 minutes. They pulled the plug at the Theater to avoid golden time. Many of the acts did not get a chance to do a final tech.

There were a couple more elements added to the bull set last night. There is now a naked girl standing in a mound of white grease with her back to the audience and her hand up her... well... back side. She stands there for the entire 50 minutes and at the end removes her hand to reveal it is covered in black grease. I think it is black grease. I hope it is black grease. The artists who know told me it was black grease and the symbolism behind it. "Behind" is not a play on words and neither is it when I say the whole idea is shitty.

The bull refused the chance to mount the wrecked car, but I don't think it would have saved the piece. However, in a perverted way I was facinated that one of the contortionists could actually urinate on cue. I can not imagine the impact this will have on a live audience tonight. I am both interested and frightened by the prospect of being there to witness.

There are musicians, singers and other performers like me who have been assigned to the 15 artists to be the talent in their projects. One of my pieces has been going fine until yesterday. I didn't realize the artist who concieved it had not arrived yet. He is a major German Nazi control freak (is that redundant) who thinks his piece is the single most important moment in the history of art. We spent ten minutes just rehearsing the way I would walk to the middle of the stage. Where I stood was almost as important as anything else because the "negative space in the incorrect porportion would kill the entire integrity of the idea." I mean really I have been on a stage since I was eleven years old, which I think is longer than little Adolf has been on the earth.

I have had a lot of fun with several guys from Virginia who are actioneers. One of the pieces is 7 auctioneers doing their cadance back and forth and together with some music. I really does work and I find it facinating to listen to. They are not performers they are livestock auctioneers and this is their first time out of the States. Since I am American they seek me out to find out what is going on. They want to teach me auctioneering so I can auction and bid at the same time. Yesterday, one of the guys caught me in the elevator and said to me in confidence (think a very heavy southern accent) "Jaaay, you won that Tony and know show business pretty damn well, is it just me or are some of these performances just plain weird?"

As you were,
Jay

So tonight was our first "stagger through" of the show. It is the first time the all the pieces of the show attempt to run in order.

Here is the way this show works. There are 15 (yesterday I said 13 but I miscounted) artists responsibile for their own section of the show. In reality that means 15 individual directors. Many different performers are attached to each artists work. I am attached to three different artists, which is a record for any performer in the show. If you are part of an artists piece you become the clay they use to sculpt with. It is only good manners and refined diplomacy keeping me from occationally shouting... "Are you f---ing kidding me?"

One of the artists I am assigned to is doing several short scenes with two costume body puppets. They are really wonderful silent spots. He created small versions of the full size puppets and enlisted me to perform ventriloquially with them. In a thick French accent he said, "I am not a comedy writer and since they never talk until now, you do something funny with the puppets for four minutes." I am actually up for that task. After being asked to do some weird things with ventriloquism, this seems right up my alley.

Tonight I discover that my puppet sequence comes right after the bull mounting a wrecked car/nude women unrinating on the junk yard stage extravaganza which goes on for 28 minutes. I can't believe that I have to follow this with comedy. But like all good performers I try to see the positive side. I am thinking that the audience will be so ready for a diversion I will "kill". Well, it could be. Most importantly the stage crew needs at least 4 minutes to clear the bull set stage.

However, just as we are about to run that section my artist director comes up to me and says, "I did not know we would follow that. After seeing it there is no way I will follow that piece... mine will be a disaster."

I say, "Listen, I have been a performer all my life, I have followed a lot of tough acts before, I am willing to give it a shot because I think I can score."

He shakes his head and says, " No... no.. no one can follow that act.... it is TOO GOOD!" So the number was cut.

Now I may be a Tony Award winning performer, but I am currently in an alternate show buiness Universe.
As you were,
Jay

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't be writing about this until I get safely out of the UK. But I don't think anyone I am involved with over here reads my blog any way. So here goes. I won't mention names just in case.

I am performing in a show of 13 contemporary artist who are presenting their own “time based art” at the opera house in Manchester. `”Time based art” is the new term for “performance art”. You know the kind of performers who stare at a piece of cheese on stage for an hour and call it drama.

I am in the company of some of the greatest artist in the world. I am actually the “project” of one of the artists who is directing the show. My job is to be the ringmaster/emcee of this show trying in words to make sense of it all, while not moving my lips. Yeah, I have to communicate this complicated metaphoric symbolism with out the use of my lips. The microphone is a huge magnifying glass that makes my lips look the size of my head. It is like a magician sawing a woman in half using a clear box and an exacto knife.

One very famous American artist is presenting the longest piece of the show. It involves a 50 foot tall ramp coming down from the back of the stage . The stage is set with a wrecked car, Grecian pottery and what seems to be a junk yard of stuff. Several people carry in a dead body on a stretcher, a real bull is lead down the ramp dressed in a golden crown making three circles around the car and then mounting (yes in the sexual way) the wrecked car, while two half naked contortionists do back bends. The artist (wearing a dog in his head.. yes a real dog) and a squad of people dressed in Egyptian costumes look on while one of the contortionist urinates. I could not make this up. I watched them rehearse it for three hours yesterday.

I am not biting the hand that feeds me, but here is what I am learning about art. Art is mostly the guts to make people believe that what you are doing is important. While the bull is being lead around the stage yesterday 50 stage hands are watching in silence and a film crew is making a documentary of the experience. You would think this was a demonstration of the cure for cancer.

This was only day two of four rehearsals. I have been asking for a script to learn for about a month. I didn't get it until last night. One French lady said, “Are you really quick at learning a lot of material?” Yipes, why am I writing this and not studying.

As you were,
Jay

In my show I reference the “big time personal manager” I was briefly signed with when I moved to Los Angeles. Before the end of the first season of SOAP we parted ways. I guess you could say I fired him, but how can you fire someone who is not working for you in the first place. The day I went into the office to say I was leaving, he said, in a very condescending and arrogant way - “No client who ever left me did any better than when we were together.” That was literally decades ago and I had forgotten all about that until this morning.

Two days ago when Sandi and I returned home we got to actually watch the Tony Awards Show via Tivo. It wasn’t a dream and I didn’t imagine it… Eddie Izzard really did hand me a TONY on national television. I have to say, that is definitely something “better” than ever happened to me while I was with the ex-manager. “Nah, Nah, Nah…” reverberates in my mind right now. I wouldn’t know how to reach that ex-manager, nor would I try and I don’t think he was watching the Tony’s… it is just one of the unforeseen emotions that Antoinette Perry’s trophy kindles. There are many more just as unexpected.

Yesterday my friend Sherry mentioned the word validation. That really is it. With a Tony award I feel validated. Paul, Murphy and I did not set out to produce a Tony winning show. We just wanted to do a theatrical production, for the love of doing it. We only wanted to do the best job we could. It was not easy and it took many turns, which could have been reason to give up. Now to be one of the elite shows awarded a Tony is validation of the journey indeed.

Why artists need validation is another subject. The work should be the reward itself, but that is a lonely proposition. If actors did not care about outside opinions why do they allow an audience to see them? I guess we all need a pat on the back for a job done well even if we loved the work. Maybe sometimes it is just to prove to the doubter we could do it.

The manager’s name is Richard O. Linke. Nah, Nah Nah.
As you were,
Jay

I am at sea with Sandi. I have not been home since the TONY Awards. My son Taylor who is holding down the house says the message machine is on over load from congrats. This is all a Cinderella tale for me.

I will want to reflect on this in great detail later, but here is what the TONY means to me. It is one of the nationally recognised awards along with Emmys, Grammys, Oscars of course, but it is a performers award. Unlike the awards that are given for performing in a recorded media, a TONY is an award for stage actors. A TONY means that you did a show eight times a week, live in front of an audience.

I like to work in film and television, and I am sure recording a song would be great, but I love to work on a stage. There is nothing like the thrill of making it happen in real time every night. That is why I cherish this TONY. It is given by people who know what it takes to get out there every night. It is an honor to be accepted into that circle of special performers.

Thank you to everyone who came to see the Two and Only, and Thank you to all who have sent congratulations. I could likely be the most blessed person in the world.
As you were,
Jay

As I worked the red carpet last night at the TONY’s one reporter asked me, “Who is it you most want to meet here tonight?” I hadn’t given that much thought, everyone around me was someone I respected and admired, but as I looked to my left Eddie Izzard was talking to a reporter about 10 yards from me.

I have worn out a DVD of Eddie’s “Dressed to Kill” and my family and I can quote his material word for word. He is truly a comic genius. I love his new series the Riches, I have seen “The Cat’s Meow” where he plays Charlie Chaplin 10 times. He is a master class in comedy and acting. I told the reporter, “There is my idol Eddie Izzard it would be great to meet him.”

Now I have never been to a TONY awards show before. I have been a faithful television viewer for many years. Both my sister in law’s on Sandi’s side of the family have danced on the TONY’s, but being there is much different. There I am seven rows from the stage, sitting on the isle of Radio City Music Hall waiting for them to get to “my category”. Two rows in front of me is Eddie, my idol, but he is up and down and I can’t seem to find the chance to introduce myself. Each time a presenter comes on stage my heart races and my stomach leaps into my throat. Above the stage, a screen would announce the category, every time is was not “Best Special Theatrical Event” my stomach would fall.

Then Eddie Izzard comes on stage, suddenly above him on the screen is “Special Theatrical Event”, Sandi and I look at each other in shock and amusement with the realization that not only is this the moment, but Eddie Izzard will deliver it.

He is extremely funny with the introduction and I am enjoying him work from seven rows away, but my heart is in my sinuses trying to get out. For one quick moment my dark side threatens the joy of the moment. Sitting behind me is my competition, Kenny and Justin, better known as Kiki and Herb. Justin is dressed in a backless gown and makeup, not quite Kiki, and not quite Justin. My dark side says, Eddie Izzard known for being a transvestite and Justin, transvestite, my competition is behind me. At this point Eddie has announced the nominees for the competition and Kiki and Herb get a much bigger round of applause from the Radio City Audience than me. Here comes the dark side to say, “Wait a minute…. Did the telecast specifically ask Eddie Izzard to present this award because they knew Kiki would win? “ Now my heart is beating too fast to register. I am squeezing Sandi’s hand so hard she can only grip mine harder to save her digits.

I don’t really remember much after Eddie Izzard says, “Jay Johnson” it is a whirl wind of activity being whisked backstage with my producers. I am trying to tell Eddie how much it means to me to get a TONY from him, but I am stuttering in the moment. He pats me on the back and disappears. My friend and television director Bruce Burmester is back stage and is the first one to yell congratulations. They take the official photo and I am taken next door to 30 Rock for the press interviews. I am gripping my TONY like it is a life line.

The down side is that I suddenly have to go to work and miss all the other categories. However, I look up as I am making my way to the next interview and see Julie White, she has just won a TONY for best Actress. She was my buddy at the luncheon. I have calmed down enough to say, “Hey… is that a TONY… oh look I have one too.” We giggle like kids on a merry go round. There is a frenzy of photos as we pose with our awards. Then Julie says, “Well you may be ‘special’, but I am ‘the best’.

I haven’t been a TONY AWARD winner for more than a few hours yet, but Julie is right, I feel very special. . All I can say is it will be an evening I will never forget. I can finally breath again. Paul, Murphy and I did not set out to win a TONY. We just wanted to do the best show we could. What a trip. I am headed for a cruise tomorrow, there will be more
As you were,
Jay

I attended the Tony luncheon this afternoon. It was really wonderful. A day when everyone was a winner and there was no press or publicists to spin the event. Everyone, especially me was just glad to be a part of it. They announced everyone’s name and the category they were up for and presented them with the official nominee certificate. Mine will be on my wall in Los Angeles in less than 24 hours.

I happened to sit next to Julie White who is nominated for “Little Dog Laughed.” I reminded her that when we first met she was only wearing a towel at the Gypsy of the Year competition. Ah, show business.

At the end of the event I found myself waiting at the elevator with Swoozie Kurtz. Swoozie is a friend from LA and we shared an elevator at the Tony interviews last week. She accused me of being a stalker. Could be.

The "30 Rock" elevator stopped two floors later and in walks Boyd Gaines, Frank Langella, Christopher Plummer and Liev Schreiber.

I jokingly said, “If this elevator falls it will be a great boost to the career of Brian F. O’Byrne,” who was the only one missing in the Best Actor in a Play competition. I think Christopher Plummer smiled but it was a very tough room to work.


Recently I got this note from my friend Joe Beck who is the electrician at the Helen Hayes. Joe was one of the backstage players of “Name the Monkey song” when we did “The Two and Only.”
Here is what Joe had to say:

I have an interesting story for you. We're teching a
new show at the Hayes this week. There's a spotlight
operator sitting in the back of the mezz and, since
it's tech, he's all by himself. He came down for a 10
minute break looking spooked. He asked if there's any
ghosts in the theatre. I said, "Did you see something
near the SR Box Boom?" His answer was yes. I told
him how you'd seen the same ghost in the same spot. He
described it as a grayish apparition.


I wrote about that ghost in the blog when it happened. Those who believed, believed and those who didn’t thought I was just an imaginative, superstitious actor. I think my credibility as a ghost hunter is now justified.
As you were,
Jay

I have become unabashedly shameless about flaunting my Tony nomination. It feels like I just got a degree from a prestigious university. I don’t know why one needs to feel accepted or acknowledged by their peers but that feeling is great. Besides this is a once in a lifetime event for me and I plan to suck it dry and enjoy every second of the ride.

The day after the nominations comes the publicity mini junket. On the top floor of the Marriott, hundreds of reporters and thousands of press agents engage the nominees in a flurry of interviews. It becomes a cross between the trading floor at the New York Stock exchange, and a hooligan riot at a soccer game. Each video crew has a draped cubical which serves as a mini studio. Each publicist with client in tow tries to squeeze maximum face time with each interviewer. The questions become the same. The task for the nominee is to come up with different ways to say the same thing over and over. “How did you hear?, Where were you when you heard?, Who first called you?, What does a Tony mean to you?”

Everybody gets their turn in the order they show up until Christopher Plummer appears. The crowd parts and Mr. Plummer trumps everyone in line. The same thing happens when Angela Landsbury arrives. Frank Langella walks through with purpose going only to the reporters he wishes to talk to. You see there is a difference between nominee and legend.

At the beginning of this tour through press-land they give each nominee a lapel pin that has the Tony emblem and says Tony Nominee 2007. It is a beautiful pin and one that I will keep forever (in fact I have only taken it off to go to bed each night since I got it). In this smile fest of interviews the game is to acknowledge each person sporting a lapel button with a heartfelt “Congratulations”. It is fun, akin to calling the bride at a wedding by her new name.

So the game now is to keep my expectations managed until June 10th and realize that the honor has already been bestowed. Some one asked me if this was a dream come true? Actually no, I have never even dared dream about a Tony nomination. There is a line from the film “Broadcast News” when the William Hurt character says to the Albert Brooks character, “What do you do when your life exceeds your dreams?” Brooks says,
“You keep it too yourself.” Good advice and enough said.
As you were,
Jay

Okay, so this morning I woke up to Paul Kreppel on the phone telling me that "Jay Johnson:The Two and Only" had just been nominated for a Tony Award. The category is Best Special Event. We all are very excited. Tomorrow the original Bob puppet will be inducted into the collection of the Smithsonian Institution. Sandi and I are in New York celebrating our anniversay.


All in all I would say this is a week that I will never forget. There will be more later. But for now, I am so grateful for everyone who has sent support and good thoughts. Rick and Cherd you guys are the best.
As you were,
Jay

I did some looping on my CSI episode yesterday. This is usually first time an actor gets to see part of a finished film production. I didn’t get to see much but what I saw looked good. The production team is excited about this episode. After seven years it is difficult to be excited, but this script seems to have done that.

This is CSI in Las Vegas, the original, not Miami or New York. The title is Living Doll and it will air next Thursday May 17th. Announcers used to say, “Check you local listing for time and channel” but now I think we just say, “Set your Tivo.”

It is an exciting week of New York coming up. Bob is ready for his trip to the Smithsonian Institution. I am a little sad to see him go, even though I think this is a great honor for him. This is beginning to sound like I’m sending a kid off to college so I’ll stop.

I have my fingers crossed that the Tony committee will decided to include “Special Theatrical Event” in their nominations this year, and have my toes crossed that we get a nod if they do.

It is a tough mental place to be. I want to put all the energy I can into believing in the nomination, but do not want to set myself up for another disappointment. Since these two ideas seem to be mutually exclusive it is difficult to even contemplate.
As you were,
Jay