I guess it happens. Going to the mental well the last few days it seems the water table has dropped. My bucket comes up empty. This fills me with anxiety because, whether we will admit it or not, every artist believes that the last idea he or she had could very well be their last. In a profession that is judged by your NEXT successful project, it is extremely depressing not to have one.
It is part of the "people pleasing" phenomenon that seems to dominate actors and performers. Perhaps it is also true with non-performing careers, although I wouldn't know. All generalities are untrue, even this one but, in the career of the arts no matter how much you are loved by those who actually know you, it becomes more important that strangers love you as well. It is a struggle to find your own benchmark and extol your own uniqueness rather than become the vanilla flavor that is universally liked. The number of artists that have become modern icons but were dismissed by their own generation is an unusually large number. In a world where even Facebook values "likes" and "thumbs up" it becomes important to be known by the unknown masses rather than have the admiration of those who actually are your friends and family. Are people valuable only when they are known by the greatest number of strangers? Do we all fear being unknown? I really don't understand the value of celebrity. Fame seems a really cheap trade for privacy.
Fame is also a double edged sword. The public will embrace the negative aspects of your career with the same relish as your successes. Fame is fickle and it does not care if you are famous for being a hero or a villain. It is the deal you make with fame.
My friend Ann says that the rule of writing blogs and posts is: never discuss your depression because no one cares. I totally agree. Why should any one care? We are all trying to keep our own spirits up in these odd times. Besides what is more depressing than to be around someone who is depressed? Depression is not accepted as a disease but just a condition, and one should "get over it." I have never heard of a Facebook prayer request for someone who is experiencing debilitating depression. Yet, daily someone is appealing to their Facebook list to intervene on behalf of a sick or dying relative. To spin the prayer wheel one must have a "medical" not a "mental" condition. The last time it was okay to pray for cure of a mental condition was when the world believed it was caused by demon possession.
In the words of Spaulding Gray... "I cannot write the lie that tells the truth." I just have to wait until I see the truth and write about that.
Until that moment comes.
As you were,