Disclaimer

Often you will see a blurb at the bottom of my blog that reads: "sent by my
Verizon wireless Blackberry".

These are not my words nor is it an attempt to inform, illuminate or brag. Rather it is a high tech alphabetic leech that attaches itself, without my approval, to every email I send via the Verizon/Blackberry network. When I make a blog submission on the road via Blackberry email that obnoxious phrase invites itself onto my page. In some cases I have edited it from the blog once it is published, but that defeats the whole convenience of emailing the blog in the first place.

It irritates me and although there are Blackberry users who claim a way to eliminate it, I have not yet been able to dislodge it from my communications. I know it can't be done on the Backberry itself after hours of trying. If anyone has the secret let me know.

Neither Verizon nor Blackberry pays me for that advertisment. I have never seen a rebate on my wireless bill for "email endorsement". They assume I am an evangelist for their product by virtue of my purchase and usage. Once you have paid for a product isn't it your right to remove the label?

I would rather the blurb be more informative than just a crass piece of commercialism. It should say "written with my thumbs on a microscopicly small two inch Blackberry keyboard". It would still give that brand identity corporate types seem to crave, and it would help remind recipients that m-sTa}es and typos on such a small scale input unit are inevitable.

Since only humans can type with their thumbs, it would also insure that no one mistakes it for a message that was sent by, let's say, chimps.

So readers of this blog. Although you will occasionally see that tiresome verizon/blackberry ad at the end of my blog, ignore it. You should disregard anything written after my standard signatory salutation " As you were, Jay"....except this time.... I'm not yet done writing.

That phrase at the end of my blog entry simply means I am not at home on my desktop computer; I am on the road and need to communicate with my blog world in the best way I can.

Okay, now I'm done. Here comes the signature tag... It means I'm finished. I have said all I intend to say for this entry.
As you were,
Jay

You can stop reading.... Really the rest of this entry is just capitalism at its worst. Nothing I can do about it. When I stop "thumb typing" they will cut to commercial. Those Blackberry bastards and Verizon vermin. Mac Iphone doesn't stoop to this level. Here it is.... Warned ya...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Most of the time when someone asks me about the whereabouts of one of my characters I give them the answer I think they want to hear, "Bob is at the bar" or "taking a shower" or "floating in the hot tub". It is second nature to me and I don't think much about it, Sort of a smart ass knee jerk response. This has gotten me into trouble more than once, and now once more.

I'm on a ship and my cabin attendant, Lilly, is from some country I never heard of before. What little English she knows is much more than my knowledge of her native tongue. Communication is very limited to say the least. But then again, long complicated conversations in this temporary association are unnecessary.

Since I am performing on board, my picture appears in the ship's daily newsletter to announce my show. In this case it is a picture of me and my monkey, Darwin.

Second day out Lilly asks me in very broken English if I am the one with the monkey? I am used to such inquiries and say, "Yes."

She says, "He is in cabin?"

"No," I say, falling back on my repertory of smart ass answers, "I think he is on stage rehearsing with the dancers".
"Then I clean room?" She says.
"Sure," say I and continue on my way. It seems to me a normal exchange between ventriloquist and cabin attendant given our limited ability to exchange complex ideas.

Later, I return to the cabin. The room is clean, bed is made, towels are fresh and there is a banana on the dressing table. This is not a cruise line that usually provides in room "snack fruit" like some do, but this doesn't register with me at the time.

Later that night I get hungry and eat the banana.

The next day I pass Lilly in the hall. She says, "Your Monkey like banana?" I rightly assume she has left the banana as a joke. I laugh, pat my stomach and say, "He loved it." She is confused by my body language but says "Monkey backstage now?"

"No, he's napping in the cabin." There is probably a word for "smart ass" in her language but she says nothing. Once again I am on my way.

When I return there is a banana on the deck just outside the cabin door, but the room is not done. The "make up room" sign has been flipped to the "do not disturb" side.

This should have been a tip off to any sane person, but needless to say that's not me.

There is another day of this banana game and I figure out what is happening. When I say Darwin is "out" she cleans the room. If I indicate he is "in" she doesn't. I wonder if she thinks I'm working with a real monkey who demands his privacy?

The next time I see her I try to explain what a puppeteer is, what a ventriloquist is, and what an idiot is, with the idea that I am all three of those things. But these are not concepts which resonate in her limited English vocabulary. The best I can manage to communicate is that the monkey is in the closet.

I don't see her the next day, but that evening my room is done and there is a banana in front of the closet door.

I don't know if she is joking with me or if she thinks I keep live monkeys in the closet. I may never know since we won't be able to work this out bilingually in the short time we have together. My guess is, by now, with the total lack of monkey droppings in the cabin, she knows Darwin is a puppet. I am tempted to keep the ruse going and tell her the monkey is toilet trained. But I am sick of eating bananas just for a joke.

It just goes to show you... I'll never learn.

As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

No, you haven't come to the wrong blog. I only changed the main title name. You probably didn't even realize there was a main title. After you have seen it a couple of times it really disappears. It was "Hell and next Phase" now as you can see it is "The World's a Stage." I think for now that expresses my feelings and more accurately describes the tone of this blog.

"Hell and next Phase" was a play on the former main title, "Hell and Haze" which was a play on Helen Hayes - the name of the theatre my show played on Broadway.

Today I opened the blog and realized that the play on a play on a play on words is just too much of a stretch. I think any comic would agree. I still love the Helen Hayes Theatre, you never forget the theatre where you won your first Tony, (see Tony Picture below) but there are other theatres in the future of The Two and Only.

(note: Okay, I know publishing a picture of the Tony, or MY Tony, on my mantel is a little obnoxious. But I still have to pinch myself every time I walk past it in the living room. I look at the engraving very carefully to make sure it really does have my name).

Soon I hope to be delivering a nightly blog from London's West end. Thus... The World's a Stage. (only a trained writer like myself can get two paragraphs out of the simple act of changing a title - over-explanation is a gift my children say is my natural talent)

I bought a map of London today. The big selling point of this city map is the words "water-proof" written almost as big as the name of the city. Perhaps I should take note of that fact and pack like I am going to Portland.

As you were,
Jay

Several times a week people will say to me, "Tell me when your show is playing where I can come to see it?" The truth is I love to perform this show for anyone, especially friends. Some of my oldest friends worked with SQUEAKY years ago and are delighted to see him again.

Early on in the tour I would call or email friends to let them know when I was in their area, but no more. I've pretty much stopped doing that, because they rarely come when I let them know. The friends who do come to see my show are generally the ones who surprise me, not the other way around. They usually let me know they are coming, rather than me telling them I am going to be performing.

For example, I have a friend I've known since my first year of Six Flags shows. She lived in LA when I moved out here and we were close then, but she moved away years ago. We don't get to see each other very much now, but I let her know about my show both times it was in LA. I also let her know when it was on Broadway. She never came but every time I would run into her she would say, "When can I see your show?"

Our last stop was Albuquerque. This happens to be where my friend currently lives. I wrote her to tell her about the show at Pope Joy Hall in her city on April 11th. I didn't hear from her until the day before the performance. She emailed me to ask,"When are you coming to New Mexico?". I wrote back and said, "I am getting on a plane today, and the show is tomorrow, Arpil 11 at the Pope Joy Hall. Can't wait to see you." As it turned out I was not the only one looking forward to seeing her. David Wylie another Six Flags friend who knew her from the same year was coming to the Albuquerque show. He was a surprise to her.

She never showed up, nor sent a message until the day after the show. She forgot it was Friday but wanted to know, "when is your show playing where I can come to see it?" I wish that was a rare occurrence but it happens a lot. I now figure if you are supposed to see my show, you will. I perform it. Other than that I really don't have much control over who comes to see it.

To sum up: Two cousins and their families, and eight people from Abernathy came to the show in Albuquerque. One cousin drove all the way from Roswell. I didn't know they were coming and it was a great joy to see them. Thanks DJ, Cherri, Max, Kathy, Horton and families for making the effort. I would rather be excited and surprised to see my friends and relatives, than disappointed when they don't show up when invited.

My friend David lives in Arkansas and has seen the show three times, Broadway, Dallas and Albuquerque. He tells me he is even going to surprise me in London. I will be excited when that happens. Wylie attended the shows post mortem and was unanimously voted a member of the TAO Teddy Bears. Congratulations David.

The Pope Joy was a special performance. The Wiz was back to call the show. Her last time for awhile. Union rules keep me from taking my crew across the Pond. It was just Lori, John and me. The Atlantic Theatre unholy three. The original pirates of the production. It recalled the fun and excitement of the off Broadway days.

As your were,
Jay

For those who don't know my act with Darwin, this may not make sense. But here goes.


I am on a ship and finished with my shows for this run. I am now not crew, not passenger, I am cargo being hauled to Grand Caman where I will be off loaded and sent back to Los Angeles. As I am killing time looking around the duty free shop, an Asian man approaches me with his camera. "Nice show, I enjoy monkey velly much." (Writing pigeon English is not my strength). He asks if he can take a picture of me with his 5 year old son, sitting on my knee like Bob. I have no problem with this and the kid could care less in any language.


As we finish the picture the man's wife and daughter walk up. They are clueless as to who I am and why the little boy is sitting on my knee in a liquor store. The Father then says something, which taken out of context, becomes a felonious offense. He says, "Look it's Jay...you know, Don't touch my hiney" and he laughs hysterically.


Without a word, the mother takes the boy by the hand and leads the rest of the family quickly away from me as the man keeps laughing and repeating, "Don't touch my hiney".


I only hope that later the man is able to explain it is a call back to my act with Darwin and that I am not a catholic priest on vacation.


It supports my theory that ventriloquists don't go crazy, those around them go crazy.
As you were,

Jay

I am a lover of great theaters. Recently I had the chance to tour the Sydney Opera House. It is as wonderful as it looks. Basically the sail like exterior is just a shell with five theaters inside, all constructed with an acoustically perfect wooden infrastructure. One of the theaters is called the Playhouse. It is about 400 seats and would be perfect for "The Two and Only." I have entered that wish into the cosmos.

There is another theater that is one of the great jewel boxes in America located in San Francisco. It is the Bohemian Club Jinks Theatre on Taylor Street. It is about 800 seats. All the fly space and trap doors to create most any type of show. My first venture into the idea of a one man show was performed on the Jinks Theatrer stage. Tonight I will be part of another show, that will be performed only once.

The theatre is part of what the Bohemians call the City Club building. Unfortunately, only the highly selected Bohemian Club members and their guests ever get to see it. The Bohemians are a club dedicated to the arts. They have an original show there about once a month.

There is a lot of speculation about the Bohemians because it is an exclusive private mens club and there are politicians, billoinaires and power players among their ranks. There are also performers like me. A club dedicated to the arts has to include a lot of different artists. The rich seem to understand they can't buy the gifts artists have been given. They can only provide a plce for them to express.

I am at mixed feelings about the fact that the theatre will never be a public venue. It would be great to open it up to the theatre community. However, it is a hundred years old and it is maintained in its original beauty by a dedicated group of Bohemians. Without that budget it would probably be a parking lot today. Theaters have to have deep pockets to continue their life as a theatre. The Sydney Opera House is owned by the Australian government.

So I guess you will just have to take my word for it. Tonight will be a great experience, mostly for us who get the honor of tramping the boards. I am blessed, and enjoy any moment I can play on a stage.
As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I look forward to seeing all in attendance at our run at the AJ
Fliecher Opera Theater in Raleigh, NC this week. Yeah, I know that
date in not on the tour calendar of "THE TWO AND ONLY" website. I hope
there has been local publicity, cause I definitely will be there. I
understand the first night is sold out. That's a nice thing. I can't
wait to get back to doing the show. I love to perform, and I guess I
love to perform "The Two and Only" most of all. So, to all who come to
the AJ Fliecher Opera Theater... I can't wait to see you.

Sandi and I just returned from a quick working cruise from Sydney to
Brisbane, Australia. We were only on the ship three days and it seemed
to take almost that long to get to the ship. I performed two shows on
one evening, so it was fairly easy. I loved Australia

Travel has been the motivation for most of the great stories of the
world. Great adventurers have made careers out of recounting stories
from their travels. "A funny thing happened to me on the way to...."
is classic standard comedy set up line. The thing one remembers most
from their latest trip becomes a tale of great value. So........ After
48 hours in Sydney, 38 hours on board the Serenity, 18 hours in
Brisbane, 6 hours in Hong Kong and 34 hours on three different
airplanes in the last 7 days here is what I remember most. The list is
short, I will arrange in bullet points:
-The worn purple 1950's carpet covering the Grand Entrance stairs to
the Symphony Hall of the Sydney Opera House.
-The puppet shop located on the lower level of the Rocks.
-The massive expanse of the duty free shops and the size of the Hong
Kong airport
-The love I immediately felt for Australia
-The airport security over seas is so much better, efficient and
pleasant than the TSA in America
I could write a blog on each one of those points, but tomorrow I travel
again and there will be other bullet point to be added to the list. I
am way behind already with stories to be told. I have to stop traveling
to actually write about traveling. It is a catch 22.

Both Qantas and Cathy Pacific Airlines are members of the one world
alliance. This means the frequent flier miles back from Australia will
be added to the two million, two hundred thousand miles I have on
American Airlines already. For all the traveling I have been doing the
One World Alliance will reward me with... you guessed it.... Free
Travel. I think this is the text book definition of a squirrel cage
existence.
As you were,
Jay

We have a month off from the Two and Only. I am back working at my regular job, which is looking for regular jobs. That of course is a joke. I have never had a regular job in my life. Even what I consider a job is working with a doll, so you wouldn’t label that “regular”.

The writer’s strike is essentially over. Los Angeles is getting back to the over indulgence it is known for. Writers can write again, the Academy Awards are saved and all is right in the plastic world. Unfortunately some writers that weren’t writing before the strike will now have to say, “I’m unemployed,” rather than “I’m on strike.”

At Highland and Hollywood, the site of the Kodak Theater, there is an Oscar exhibition advertising the up and coming ceremony. Several vintage Oscars are on display as well as some of the statues that will be given away in a few weeks. One of the most interesting is a miniature Oscar that was given to Judy Garland when she was a child star. It is about half the size of a regular Oscar. As if to say, child actors are half as important. They show the process of making the Oscar statue, and list the names of all the nominees with their pictures.

At the end of the tour there is an Oscar statuette that you can actually pick up and hold for a picture. Over the weekend I was in line with Nicki and Jeff, my niece and her husband, who work in the film industry, cueing up to hold the statuette. I asked, “Wonder if the same curse holds true with the Oscar Statue as the Tony?” They didn’t know the legend, so I told them. The Tony legend says that if you ever hope to win a Tony, you can never touch a Tony until it is yours. They said they had never heard that before.

No one said anything. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement. We just got out of line and avoided touching the Oscar. There’s no sense screwing with curses and legends. I doubt I will ever be a candidate for receiving an Oscar. Five years ago I would have said that about the Tony, so you never know. However, I think some day I may get to hold Nicki and Jeff’s Oscar. Until then I will be satisfied.

As you were,
Jay

The McCarter is a great theatre, as is SOPAC and the audiences could not have been better this last weekend. Two great nights on this magical mystery tour. I am really pleased at the way the show is being received on the road.

I got a comment on the blog asking me if I liked the small size of SOPAC. For me it was great. The "Two and Only", seen in an intimate theater is a great experience for me and the audience. The size of a theater is important mainly to producers. They obviously can make more money in a large theater than a small one. Me, I just like the intimacy of the experience.

I am in New York for a day to fly to Culver, Indiana Monday for a Tuesday show. New York is great. I feel at home here. The energy is unique. I feel more alive than I have for some time.

I normally take the subway but took a couple of cabs today. I got two great stories from some very talkative drivers. I will eventually recount them here some day soon.

In the city I met with my friend Philippe Parreno who directed "Iil Tempo del Postino", the art show I did in Manchester last July. He is in town from Paris talking to the Guggenheim about a couple of new art projects. I am always inspired to be around him. A great mind and very creative person. Someone I am honored to call a friend.

He had pictures for me to sign from "Iil Tempo".i I thought they were 8x 10's. Not so. They were six feet by four feet glossies of my section in the show. The print is mostly black theatrical lighting except for my face exaggerated by the 24 inch magnifying glass I performed behind. I look like a doomed passenger looking out the port hole of the Titanic. It makes an interesting poster.

We signed a dozen or so prints in large white pen. He copied my signature and I copied his super imposed over mine. It creates a very unusual graffiti like scrawl. However, it is a great statement of collaboration. Both signatures become one, him writing my name and me his. What I realized is we were not just signing autographs we were making an art piece. The longer I know Philippe the more I realize that is what his life is all about. Always making art.

We had great fun rolling the prints out on his hotel room floor and trying to forge each others signature. He had reams of paper to practice on, and glossy paper to get used to the feel of the pen. We were like little kids in a kindergarten art class. His french accent makes any thing he says funny to me. We laughed a lot. It was a great experience.

One of the prints is mine and I'm not sure I have a wall large enough to hang it on, but it is definitely a wonderful memento not just of the show, but the fun of signing them.

Only in New York do these things happen. It is why the energy is so great here. I always feel my artistic soul being fed in the City.

As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I am waiting for my plane to Newark, so I'll take a moment to catch up on my blogging. Writing this with my thumbs on a blackberry in the middle of LAX is tricky so go easy on the critique.



We started this year's tour in Crystal Lake, a bucolic part of Chicago. It was a matinee and evening performance on a hit and run schedule. Pretty much an eighteen hour day at the theatre. We set up, focused, ran some sound, did a cue to cue, set for the matinee. It was back to back performances, then pack up and move on. John Ivy took a picture of the three person crew standing at the stage door the morning we got there. The next day on the drive to the airport we looked at the picture and remarked how long ago it seemed.



The show actually works well scaled down set wise. I do miss the scoop carpet, but that is not an easy load in. The story and all the characters play.



Now we are off to a couple of theaters in New Jersey and a swing through Indiana. I have no confidence in the agents booking this tour. I haven't from the start. It's not my call, yet, but when it is, I'll find an agency that understands this show a little better and where it needs to be booked.



It feels. A lot like the Broadway producers are done with it. My show that is. They won the ultimate Broadway prize, the Tony, and there is really nothing more in it for them. They can make some money, but not enough to get their attention. This is a small show with a single cast and single company.



This is not sour grapes. I just have a different agenda. I want to perform this show in as many theaters and for as many people as I can for as long as I can.



Hopefully we are just getting started.



As you were,

Jay

The largest house in America is located in Asheville, North Carolina, the Biltmore House, built by a Vanderbilt son when he was twenty-seven years old and unmarried. Those of us from the west coast can brag about the Hurst Castle but it can not compare to the Biltmore House build by George Washington Vanderbilt at the turn of the century.  It is an amazing structure.  It is 175,000 square feet of what could only be described as a castle. That is about four acres of space.  It is dwarfed only by the actual property that it sits on which is 185,000 acres. When asked how much the home cost the answer is unknown.  George paid cash and destroyed the receipts because he said it was a person matter, and nobody's business how much it cost. 

It is an amazing property to see. In a house this size it is not just about the number of bedrooms, but the number of servants quarters that are available to accommodate the quests.

There is an indoor swimming pool and a bowling alley down stairs.  There is a pastry kitchen,  roticery kitchen and a regular kitchen, all bigger than the square footage of my own house. 

I suggest that everyone who can come to Asheville, North Carolina visit this incredible exhibit. It was one of the perks to spending a New Years Eve here. The exclusive bed and breakfast we stayed in while here is not to be believed. However, you need to get on a thirty year waiting list.

This was the best New Years that I have ever spent. 

As you were,

Jay

Happy New Year blog readers. This is one New Years Eves I chose not to sell out and go for big money and perform. Instead this New Years Eve was a special evening with a very exclusive group, my best friend Harry, his wife Elizabeth and my best girl Sandi.


I rarely get to laugh as much as tonight. I rarely find the conversation so stimulating nor eat and drink so well. To think, out of all the places I have been Asheville, North Carolina would be the center of the entertainment universe for me.


I have spent many New Years Eves with my friend Harry Anderson, and probably performed on stage with him more than any other person.

With our wives we enjoyed a great dinner at the four star restaurant Horizons, and got back to the Anderson house in time to watch Anderson Cooper declare the beginning of 2008. After popping another bottle of bubbly we decid on alternative entertainment. In our pajamas we watch a vintage 1979 Halloween network variety special starring Paul Lind. The comedy special is not funny nor special, unless viewed with this audience.


Harry makes me laugh and it is of little importance where we are or what we are doing, we have a creative synergy that is unique. I wish everyone had a friend like mine. If they did the world would be a better place.

As we turned in, exhausted from an evening of laugh cramps, I made one last toast,

"To my BFF." To which he replied "BFD".



Make it a Great 08.

As you were,

Jay

This is a strange feeling, being on the road in town. Segerstrom Concert Hall in Costa Mesa is about an hour drive from my front door. However, with unpredictable Los Angeles traffic patterns it can take two or three hours to make the trip. Rather than spend hours and hours in a dressing room before the show, or risk being late for a performance, the Pacific Symphony put me up in a lovely hotel literally fifty yards from the stage entrance.

I packed like I was going away for a month, forgetting that I would have all day to make a two hour trip if I forgot something of major importance.

I am looking forward to performing this piece again. I had great fun with it in Dallas.

The second half of the Symphony is the Von Trap children singers. I think they are the grandchildren of the kids made famous in the Sound of Music. They seem very nice if rather intensely focused, enjoying a rather odd celebrity. I was not one who saw the movie multiple times and I was never a performer in any production of the musical. (I suspect this makes my Tony win all the more unique) The person walking by my dressing room whistling "How do you solve a problem like Maria" probably did. I suspect I could be a hero if I let it be known I was Julie Andrews opening act for several seasons.
More from the bowels of the symphony world later.

As you were,

Jay

After closing the "Two and Only" at the Dallas Majestic Theater, I stayed around to perform the Christmas concert with the Dallas Pops Orchestra at Meyerson Symphony Hall. My friend and conductor Richard Kaufman asked me to narrate the orchestration of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Bob and I recite the poem together after a quick routine. Later I come back on stage, alone, to conduct the orchestration of "Sleigh Ride".

To compensate for my conducting skills Richard and I turned this section into a routine. We get a couple of kids on stage to shake sleigh bells with the orchestra. Since Bob is not on stage at this time, I pick one of the kids to help me. They "audition" by opening their mouth when I tap them on the back as I make them talk like Bob.

The first night we pick a little girl who becomes terrified and stands like a statue on stage. There were no laughs to be mined with her that night.

Richard and I decide we need to pick a more precocious child the next night. There is an energetic six year old boy down front who looks like Opie and can't wait to get on stage. He is right out of central casting for a Norman Rockwell painting.

I am sure he will be perfect until I ask him to open his mouth when I tap. He looks me in the eye and says, "I am not going to be your dummy. " That was that, he would have nothing to do with me from then on.

This is what I love about live theatre, you just never know.

As you were,
Jay

Any good paranormal will tell you that there are many levels to a haunting. The ghost I saw at the Helen Hayes was your garden variety specter. That is a visual manifestation which doesn't do much more than appear and disappear. They can be startling or even scary but not destructive.

However, I would classify the presence at the Majestic Theater in Dallas as a poltregeist. I haven't had many dealings with poltregeists. It was an interesting experience. Having had it, I think I prefer to deal with the much more benign sectors.

I'm not sure one can assign logic to a phenomenon nor give it a personality but that seems to be a very human thing to do

The stage hands call it Hobbetsell, named after the millionaire who originally built the Majestic. I'm not sure why he would want to disrupt the theater but he may be ticked off because the theater came very close to being turned into a parking garage a few years ago.

Hobbetsell messes mainly with electrical devises. Stage lights come on when there was no one at the dimmer board. Bulbs would burn out almost daily. Lamps would move out of focus more than any other time we have done this show.
Cameras wouldn't work in the theater and work fine out in the street. Several times when I would pose for pictures with fans their cameras would malfunction.

My blackberry would re boot every time I came into the dressing room until I started greeting Hobbetsell as I arrived for the evening.

And we had more microphone trouble in this one week than in the entire run so far.

The thing is, poltregeists are difficult to prove. Unlike a specter that you can see and sometimes photograph, the poltregeist can be explained by random chance. Lights burn out and electronics drain batteries. Shit happens as they say.

But I would say that the sheer number of occurrences happening this week to the Two and Only was odd and notable.

It is why this run of the show will be even more unforgettable. Thank you DSM, Michael Jenkins, the local crew, Lori, John, Sandi and Murphy everyone who came to the show, all my friends, especially those who have written to this blog, and good night to Mr. Hobbetsell.
As you were,
Jay

Dallas Opening

When Zero, the head of electrics at the Majestic Theatre, told me about Mr. Hobbetsell the ghost that haunts backstage I knew I was in the right place. Mr. Hobbetsell has been particularly active in advance of my show. I personally can't wait to meet him.

The opening was great here in Dallas last night, the Theatre is fabulous and the set looks beautiful on stage. There was a wonderful opening night party afterwards. Dallas is a very elegant city and never more so than the support of the arts.

I don't read reviews but they tell me that they are good and the Dallas Morning News was a valentine.

I have so many wonderful friends who are coming. Jane Hitch who was in the first Six Flags show I did and also in the cast of the show at Six Flags Over Georgia was at the show and the party. She is beautiful as ever. What great friends show business makes.

I am typing this with my thumbs so I will write more later, but enough to say it is certainly very exciting to be doing the show here and in this theater.
As you were,
Jay
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The warm up shows for Dallas are over and I am really happy. I think we are in great shape for the run at the Majestic. I am looking forward to it more than I can say. I think the full creative will be there. If you didn't see the run of this show on Broadway then I hope you can see it in Dallas. It is proving to be a very magical run.

The shows at Ithaca and Indianapolis were very successful. We did them with a minimal set and in some cases the wrong lighting board but the reaction of the audience was incredible.
I am so blessed with this show. It continues to be a dream come true.

Big "D" here we come.
As you were,
Jay

I am on my way to Ithaca for a warm up performance of "The Two and Only". This means I am carrying more characters than a normal working trip.

In Orlando I am going through security when the TSA agent looks at the xray image of my carry-on. He says, "Sir, do you have three heads in your carry on?"

I say, "I'm sorry how many heads are you allowed to carry on?"

All I can say is, the TSA has no sense of humor.
As you were,
Jay

Jo Ann the publicity lady for the Majestic Theatre in Dallas wrote to me requesting video footage of The Two and Only for publicity. It is not material that I have possession of. This is something the producers usually take care of. It is, after all, in their own best interest to promote the show.

So, I write to three members of the Broadway team, the publicist, the marketing guy and the lead producer, asking them to send the material to Jo Ann.

I immediately get three emails back. One from each of the people I
wrote.

Publicist says, "We will get it sorted out."

Marketing says, "I'll get right on it."

Lead producer says, "Who is Jo Ann?"

As you were,
Jay

I just got a letter, addressed to me, mailed to the Helen Hayes Theater on July 9th of this year. The letter is from a gentleman named, Joseph Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle, of Negombo Road, Dankotuwa, Sri-Lanka. (If I were doing stand up at this point I would say, “I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat.”)

Mr. Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle is writing me for permission to translate “The Two and Only” into Sinhala, the language of Sir Lanka. His goal is to do my play for the dramatic theater of Sri Lanka. Although flattering to think that someone would think of my “play” as good, translatable Sri-Lankan drama, I just don’t see how it would translate.

A year after I got married I worked as a writer for a bilingual educational children’s television show. It was supposed be the new Sesame Street but it was canceled.

One of the things I learned from this experience is how difficult it is to translate jokes. The show had to be balanced with equal segments in English and Spanish. Once in a while the producers would come to me and say they were light on Spanish and needed to translate my sketch. There would be a language person that would accomplish this task. In a read through the next time I would hear my sketch (which I thought was extremely funny) it would get no reaction from the Spanish-speaking writers. At first I assumed it was professional jealousy but soon realized there were no jokes left after the translation.

It reminds me of a Johnny Dark routine. He did his act for a Japanese speaking audience one time. He found out they only knew three words in English,
“You, not funny.”

Mr. Thiyoga Rushan Fernandopulle said he learned of my show from the Internet so I assume he has not actually seen it. The fact that he thinks it is a drama is not a good sign. He may be reading this right now. I have sent him an email explaining that it really is a show that involves my art as a ventriloquist and not intended to be performed by anyone other than me. However, on the chance that I could do well in Sri Lanka I have decided to learn Sinhala. The way the tour is going I think I may need to look for other venues.

PS. Don’t forget to tell your friends about “The Two and Only” in Dallas.

Dallas: Jay Johnson The Two and Only

As you were,
Jay