What's the Problem?

Philosopher/Teacher Jack Bolen once said, "Good is sometimes the enemy of the better." There can be nothing more true in my experience. I have a tendency to stop paddling when I am in calm water.  But when I'm not paddling, even in calm water, there is a current pushing me in its direction. Sometimes that is not the direction I want to go. When I am not working to make a good life better, I can unconsciously drift out of that good life.

When things are going well why "fix it when it ain't broke?" Why change it when it still works. It's okay, meets my needs it's good. When it stops working then l change it.

Fixing things only when they break is crisis management. Life is a continuum not a series of stops and starts. The nature of life is to keep moving forward. Like a bicycle, when it stops is falls over.  It is the momentum itself that keeps it moving. How ever you visualize it, pedaling a bike or paddling a canoe there is a constant force of effort needing to be continually delivered to life so we can keep moving toward the better. The manifestation of a problem is the quickest way to get motivated to find the "Better". So settling for good and trying to coast in that experience is "enemy of the better". 

It would seem then that problems are creativity's best friend. Most inventions come out of an attempt to solve a problem. Our creativity is hard wired to create better, building toward the best. Why would we ever settle for good when there is better and ultimately the Best.

The Best is good striving for better but even the best is not a flat path. Once I settle into what I think is the best it becomes the good and more energy needs to be spent on finding better again. 

Another metaphor would be an airplane. When an airplane reaches its altitude it can cut back on the power it needs to reach that height but the pilot does not turn off the engines. The pilot merely cuts back a little on the throttle.  If there are no problems and the engines are stopped things seem to be okay for a while.  The plane continues to glide but slowly looses altitude and if no more power is applied it will eventually hit the ground.  The higher the altitude when the engines stop the longer before you hit the ground but it is just a matter of time if no other power is applied. Crisis management,  "not fixing it till it is broken", would be like waiting till the plane is about to crash before the pilot turns the engines back on.  It is obvious that if a pilot wants to maintain a continuous altitude there must be energy that continues to push the plane forward.

So if there is a problem in my life right now it is just an opportunity to look at the map again and get back on track.  If there isn't a problem that is causing issues right now, it does not mean that I can turn off the engine and coast.  I need to keep working at that good to make it better.

At least that is the way I see it. Learned Philosopher/Teachers might believe other wise.

As you were,

Jay

Sea Sickness...

Over the weekend there was a report of several Royal Caribbean ships experiencing an outbreak of sickness.  I have performed  many times on all the ships that were "infected".  Until now Royal Caribbean has not had those problems like other cruise lines. 

Today on FaceBook there was a post from a comic friend who just disembarked one of the "infected" ships.  He complimented the Cruise Director and Activities staff for all the things they did during what was a very difficult sail. 

I can't imagine what it must have been like with more than 300 people throwing up and experiencing the "runs"aboard the confined space of a ship.  The cruise lines pride themselves on the size of their ships, but no matter how big a ship is, when it is out at sea, it becomes a very small place.

Placing myself in the shoes of the Cruise Director during this event I came up with some great activities.  

Here is a suggested calendar of events.

8:oo am.. Deck 4 Promenade.  The morning jog will be replaced with a sprint to the toilet. Participants are urged to wear loose clothing.

10:00 am..  Schooner Lounge.  Drink special.. the "Heave HO". 

11:00 am..  Lunch in the Windjammer Buffet.  The chef has prepared several dishes that are just as good on the way up as they were on the way down.

1:00 pm ..  Pool Deck.  Projectile vomiting contest.  Winner will receive a free visit to the ships Medical deck. 

1:30 pm..  Pool Deck aft.  "How pale are you?" Staff from the Spa will evaluate the color of your face and what it means.  Is that green pallor on your mug better than a total lack of color? Find out there. 

2:00 - 4:00 pm..  Relaxation time.  On deck 5 scuba gear will be issued to all those who want to breath uninfected air for a while.  As a special note, all the hot tubs have been filled with Purell.  No need for a towel it will evaporate soon after you get out. 

5:00 pm..  Movie Time in the Movie Theatre deck 3.  Today a double feature. "Out Break" starring Dustin Hoffman and "Contagion" starring Gweneth Paltro. 

7:00.. Dinner in the Main Dining Room - Tonight's menu:  Oysters on the Half Shell and boiled asparagus with Clam Chowder. 

9:00 and 11:45..  Showtime in the Orpheum Theatre.  Sitting will be open and remember to keep the aisle's and pathways to deck 7 toilets completely clear. 

As you were,

Jay

What If...

I am taking a continuing education class on how humans make decisions. Since we all make decisions you would think we humans would be better at it.  I made a decision to attend the class on decisions so I could learn how to make better decisions; it's easy to get lost in circular thinking. Finding a way to make better decisions moving  forward in our lives is the goal of this class.  After all if everyone made the right decision life would be different and arguably better. As I have been listening, reading and thinking about this process of deciding, I have become aware of some things. 

One, I spend a lot of wasted time in "decision preparation". That is the time spent imagining what I will decide dependent on future events.  Events that have not happened, and most of the time will not happen, but I spend a lot of time thinking about what I will decide if they do. The odds are at least even that none of the things I have planned on will happen, therefore the time anticipating what decision will come out of the event is wasted. I could have put that mental energy to better use in hindsight.

Second, how is it that computers "decide" things? Do computers make better decisions than humans or are they just faster.  My money is on "faster" and although computers are given credit for complex conclusions, it is all based on millions of tiny immediate decisions.

Since the computer brain is a binary system it can only choose between a 1 and a 0. The entire decision making process of a computer can be distilled to one line of code.  It is called the  "If Then/ Else Loop". Every programmer learns this line of code before anything else is accomplished.  The code basically tells the computer to look at the information or the situation presented.  "If" it corresponds to the condition the computer program is looking for, the computer makes a decision to "Then" proceed with some action.  "If" the condition is something "Else" a different action is taken.  "If then ... else" is one simple decision that leads to more simple decisions and eventually to a complex conclusion.

The computer does not spend its time wondering what the condition or situation will be before it is presented. When presented with a condition or situation the computer never says, "I've seen that before and it turned out bad so this time I will not make that mistake again." There is no preconceived action.  The computer only takes action when the decision is made. 

Only humans make decisions with a "What if loop"  "What if that happens? Then I will do this."  It is a waste of time since "What if" is future fantasy. A computer waits until it comes to a cross road (decision) and goes one direction or the other.  It never anticipates options, it goes with the option based on the immediate information.  A computer does not solve a problem by asking the other bits and bites what they would do. The computer never asks for advice or direction, it only taps its memory for information when it is needed to solve the first "if".

The difference between the human brain and the computer brain is this:  The computer does not know that it has all the information it needs to solve a problem until the problem is posed as a decision. But it does. A computer can be connected to the Internet and have billions of facts to use the second it needs it, but it doesn't know that until the moment. 

Unlike a computer, the human brain is conscious of itself, and its connection to the universe.  We are aware that we can know and rely on that awareness with greater confidence.  We seem to forget that the interface of the entire Internet is human.  The computer did not spontaneously generate, humans made the decision to create it. As each human adds a little bit of programing to the web it becomes the foundation for more and more. Ultimately the entire wealth of the Internet is just the gathering of human knowledge.

Here is my goal.  With the consciousness of knowing that I am connected to a vast universe of ideas, I will start to make decisions like a computer.  I'll wait for the crossroad and continue forward with a "If Then" decision and stop worrying before hand in a "What if" exercise.

As you were,

Jay

Things you can't do on an iPAD

I really like to draw on my iPAD. It's like having a drafting table and a studio in an 8x10 tablet and it's clean. I like the ability to do airbrushing without a compressor and gas mask.  There are times when that high tech expression is very satisfying.  But...  

Sometimes you can only express yourself with analog tools and methods. You have to go back to basics. Controlling how ink stains paper. The simplicity of pen and ink belies the complications of the detail. Black and white, yen and yang light and darkness, positive and negative, good and bad, the medium is the metaphor for our digital binary world. 

Pilot Rolling Ball Precise V7 fine point black ink pen

on

 8x10 Strathmore Series 400 Drawing paper. 
Created 1/21/14

Skull and Bottle

#Richard Sherman

I'm not a Twitter person.  I have an account and this blog feeds to it, and once in a while I can construct a complete thought in 140 characters, but I am generally a long form writer. 

This week our friend went into the hospital to have surgery and her son set up a twitter account to keep all her friends up to the moment on what was happening. I thought that was a great idea, she has a lot of friends.  I started checking Twitter every hour or so to keep up with the progress of the operation.  

I don't know when the pound sign became a "hash tag" and I am not really sure what code that sends to the universe of Twitter.  I do know that "trending topics" are represented by this # symbol so I am not totally 19th Century when it comes to tweets.

Richard Sherman- Composer

So this week under the trending topics section there was this: #Richard Sherman. I became very excited.

Richard Sherman is a friend. He is the last surviving member of the Sherman Brothers. Richard and his brother Robert wrote music for Walt Disney. They wrote the music for, among other things: Mary Poppins, The Jungle Book, Winnie the Pooh, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Slipper and the Rose, and the song played more times than any other song in history "It's a Small World".  With all the great music Richard and Robert wrote they can be forgiven for "It's a Small World".  But I digress...

Richard and Robert also wrote the theme song to "Harry Anderson's SideShow" a special I co-wrote and co-produced with Mr. Anderson for NBC.  That is how I got to know the Sherman Brothers. 

After hearing Richard tell stories about his career at the Disney Studio it was very interesting to see some of those stories acted out on the big screen in the movie "Saving Mr. Banks". There it was, an actor playing the role of a much younger version of the man I know.  Some how I felt like my Kevin Bacon number to that film was one relative to that story.

And so there it was #Richard Sherman as a trending topic on Twitter this week. Since it is Academy Award season I was excited to think that my friend was being discussed on the web.  There was a moment when I wanted to call him and tell him he was a social media hit since I am pretty sure Richard is not a tweeter. After reading a few of the tweets it became clear that my excitement was misguided.

Of course they were talking about the Seattle Sea-Hack, "Dick"  who made the game ending play to take his team to the SuperBowl. The tweets were not so much about the incredible play he made but they were lambasting his "rant".

I actually watched it live when it happened on Sunday but pretty much dismissed it.  I was rooting for the 49ers and not interested in the adrenaline fueled steroid driven self-aggrandizing  post game interview of the spoiler. 

Only because of the confusion with my friend Richard Sherman do I have and opinion about Richard Sherman - the other. 

Richard Sherman- the other

What do we expect? We ask a football player to entertain us by hitting, slamming, tackling and brawling over possession an oblong ball. We watch some of them taken off the field on carts like the wounded gladiators where they are to be patched up and put back into game. Most of these mutant tough guys have a muscular neck bigger than my waist. Then in a post game interview we want them to have the wit of Mark Twain and the intelligence of Albert Einstein. We are shocked to hear an ego filled smack talking incoherent dumb-bell speak. #what did you expect?

Long after this next SuperBowl is just the recap on NFL Films and the next generation of hooligans take to the field, Richard Sherman - the other will be little remembered. But even then someone will be humming a tune that Richard Sherman the composer wrote. 

Here is to the real Richard Sherman, my modest, witty friend and talented artist who deserves his own "hash tag" not for a rant, but for the beautiful music he has written.

As you were,

Jay

In the Beginning....

In the beginning there was the Word...

As you were,
Jay

SOAP

Will anyone ever know the truth about 70's television? What was television like before HBO and Cable? Was Billy Crystal's character on SOAP the first openly gay television sitcom character?  Was it economics or the religious right that finally ended SOAP? How many times did the producers recast the part of Mary Campbell?  What is the connection between SOAP, Broadway and the Tony Award? Who really killed Peter Campbell? How did a show like SOAP get on the air in the first place? CONFUSED... you won't be after reading this:
The Unauthorized Inside story of the sitcom that broke all the rules.... SOAP  by A.S. Berman *

A new book with a new perspective on the controversy of a decade.

This book catalogues all the SOAP episodes complete with plot synopsis, laugh lines, air dates, cast list and credits. It also tells the story of how SOAP came to be in the words of the people who were there. But most importantly the book reminds us of the what was happening  off camera in the world of the late 70's.

No show is created in a vacuum; every attempt at art is the product of its time.  To understand how SOAP broke the rules and pushed the envelope, one must also understand the envelope. The connection of SOAP scripts and air dates to news headlines of the day, shows art and life imitating each other.

This book is a candid look at television show business without make up.  It says unauthorized on the cover and it is most certainly not a fan magazine treatment of the SOAP story, nor is it a tabloid hatchet job. It doesn't pull punches but there are no round house sucker punches either. It is the story of people just trying to do their job never realizing that 40 years later someone would be asking questions about it.  

Perhaps it took forty years and an independent outsider like A.S. Berman to realistically look at the tempest that surrounded SOAP as the 1970's came to an end.  It is a familiar tale of how things change but remain the same as attitudes and morés are the last to update themselves. 

Thanks Aaron Berman. For me this was like finding a high school year book hidden away for almost half a century.  With the perspective of looking back I got to experience those years all over again with the assurance that everything would turn out all right a half century later. 

Buy the book... this one is mine.

As you were,

Jay

*I can't read this paragraph without hearing the voice of Rod Roddy, the announcer on SOAP.  He was a Dallas radio personality when I was going to college at the University of North Texas. I would listen to him on KLIF while commuting to school. 

Years later Rod and I met on the set of SOAP and became friends.  Before he went on to be the voice of "The Price is Right" he was my Ed McMahan on a show called "So You Think You Got Troubles". The last time I saw Rod we did the SOAPesque tag to an episode of "That 70's Show".  He was recreating those iconic voice overs and I was once again Chuck and Bob. For a moment we were thirty years younger but much wiser. Rod passed away soon after. I wish he could have stayed around to read this book.   

Guilty Until Proven

Right now as I sit in my jacuzzi tub writing this blog it seems yesterday was a lifetime ago. My chest cold is breaking up and I have more voice than I did yesterday. In hinesight as irritating as it was and as stressfull as it seemed, here I am safe and warm at home.  Like most things in life I spent a lot of wasted time being upset over something that never happens. 

I woke up yesterday thinking of Shari Lewis as a "charlie horse" in my leg sent me shooting out of bed. I couldn't tell if I was just exhausted from the shows the day before or sick.  Turned out I was both. Coughing and foggy headed,  it wasn't until I tried to order breakfast that I realized I had almost no voice.  I was facing a long day of travel after a long day of performances, proceeded by a difficult load in and set up of "The Two and Only" at a theatre just outside Boston. 

To "help" the theatre I rode with John to the airport so they only had  to pay for one limo ride not two. It meant sitting at the airport three hours more than necessary, but I knew there would be a bar with the football games on TV somewhere at the terminal. 

Finally it is time to go through security; I proceed to my gate so I can finally go home. I notice on my boarding pass I have been pre-screened by the TSA.  Because I agreed to share certain travel information with the TSA I am what they call a "trusted flier".  Although you can always be randomly chosen to go through a complete check, I am usually allowed to go through security with my shoes and jacket on and do not have to take my computer out of its case.  Like the old days before 9/11.  In most airports the Pre screening is an entirely different line of machines.  

I get in the only security line that leads to my gate and ask if this is where they do the pre-screening. The checker is a little irritated at the question. He fumbles for a laminated 5x7 card under his podium and hands it to me. "Give this to the agent". On the card it says that I am a trusted flier and I don't have to take off my shoes etc.. etc.  But wait there's more.

As my carry on case goes through the xray, I walk through the metal detector to have the TSA agent sharply tell me to remove my shoes. I hold up my card like one would a cross to a vampire, she hisses and looks away as I walk through. 

Of course my carry-on, the one with "three heads" inside is stopped by the xray gorilla. This is Boston, I get it. They have seen their share of terrorism, and I would expect they would want to check carefully.  It happens most of the time I travel. So like most times, I go into my travel routine. 

When the x-ray gorilla looks up to see who is waiting on that case, I catch his eye. "Puppets" I say to him.  He responds by calling over another officer to look at the screen.  They whisper, and point at the screen tracing outlines on the monitor. They look over at me.  "Puppets, gentlemen, Puppets...I am a ventriloquist." Of course as I hear the raspy morning voice of Tom Waits come out of my mouth, I wonder if anyone would believe that I make a living with that sound.  Then I say something I might not have said given another take at this scene.  I said, "I'm on the trusted flier list if that makes a difference." Obviously it did....but not in a positive way. 

Monkey number 2 walks over to me and says "Hold out your hands palms up."  I comply to the request and realize it is perfect body language for "What the Fuck?" 

He proceeds to swab my palms with the wand detector and jam the swab into a machine that beeps and says, "You know that pre-screening only applies to your person not your luggage. We are going to have to do some more tests on that case." He hauls it out of the side door of the x-ray machine with the same care a wrecking ball might have for an old building.  

None of this is unfamiliar to me, I must go through it 35% of the time I travel.  I start my speech about how they are fagile and vauable insturments as he bangs the case on the metal surface of the chemical inspection machine. He begins to open the case lid side down which will cause the puppets to fall out. I say, "It opens the other side up."  He virtually slaps my hands away when I instinctively try to help him turn it right side up.

"Do not touch that case till I have cleared it. Do you understand?" Okay... now I sense a little attitude. 

He opens the case and jams his hands down the side.  "There are some delicated controls on these puppets, I would appreciate it if you would be carefull." There is no response as he pulls the black cloth off Bob's face. TImes past this would be the end of it.  Like the guy said recently in a similar encounter with the TSA "What are you screening for, Puppets?" 

Instead, the agent grabs the wand and scrapes it across Bob's face.  Since he has been newly painted I cringe at that sight. 

He sticks the swab into the machine and I hear the sound of a dot matix printer on crack. A 6 inch strip of rolled paper is spit out the front of the machine.  

This isn't the first time that has happened.  Once in Miami the TSA agent swabbed the handel of my case and the machine did the same thing. Back then the guy looked at the read out and said, "Do you have a heart condition or take blood pressure medicine" I said no and asked why. It sounded like the set up to a joke,  "Do you have a heart condition? No... good cause what I am about to tell you would kill you if you did." Seems that nitrates in heart medicene will set off the machine even if very small amounts are detected.  That TSA agent said the amount was not enough to worry with and he said that if a sky cap touched that handel just after he had taken a pill then it would be enough to show up.  He let me go on my way a little more informed than before.

So having been in this situation before I was not concerned. That case and that face had not been touched by anyone but me. I was not hiding anything and just wondered what they had detected. When the lady supervisor was called over I said, "What did it hit on?" She got very third grade teacher on me, "It could have been many things. Things that are a threat and things that are not a threat, we are going make that determination." It meant they would have to take everything out of that case and have a look. I said once again that it was delicate stuff and please be careful.  I felt I was already a terrorist in their eyes and a consideration of gentleness was not in the cards. 

They took all the guys and out ran them through the x-ray individually and while they were starring like zombies to the sky I was searched and frisk.  I had to take off my shoes, my belt, my sweater. They took a swab of my foot. 

After huddling around the x-ray machine for a few minutes the guy comes up and says, "Can't let you on the plane with this case."  When I asked why they wouldn't tell me. The options were to go back to the counter and check the case, leave the case at security where it would be disposed of or... not fly today.  Obvioulsy none of the options were acceptable to me.  When I explained once again how these insturments might be damaged if they were checked they had no other solution that would allow me to continue my day with the possiblity of seeing that case again.  I played my final card.  

"Look I know that even blood pressure medicene will set off that machine.  That puppet was recently painted and you probably got a hit on something in the oil based paint.  It is really a large enough amount that could cause any danger?"

There is another huddle.  They pass the read out to each other, glance at Bob looking very much like the decapatated head that he was.  Then the original guy came back and tossed one of the black towels into my case. I said, "If I can't fly today, at lease let me pack the case back up myself." He walked away.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do I just wanted out of that area and away from the Guest-stop-O TSA. Once I finished packing up the supervisor came up and said, "You're free to fly with your "intruments" today." There was a tinge of irony in the word.  After all that...just a dismissive, be on your way. I got to the gate and FaceBooked a status that suggested that the Boston TSA could kiss my ass.  I doubt they will, but they sure inspected my ass enough. 

I might have yelled and screamed if my voice was 100%.  I doubt it would have ended as positively as it did had I made a scene.  

So TSA I get it.  You are there for my protection.  I know it is a boring and menial job, but I am glad you are there on the front line.  But...The fact is if you swab a Rembrant oil painting with that wand of yours it would probably make the chemical trace machine go crazy.  I suspect that the varnish on the surface of a violin would do the same thing. But...would you consider even for a moment that these things would be a threat to anyone's safety.  We are all humans here... you can make a common sense decision and perhaps that is what you finally did.  But I feel like if I had not spoken out, I would have been turned away. 

As you were,

Jay

Homage du Edward

Looking Back..looking forward

So ordered by the Pasadena Rose Parade committee, it is a stunningly beautiful day in Southern California.  It makes one believe that this year will be the best and brightest of all.  If tarot card predictions are correct it will be.

We spent the evening at a small dinner party.  My sister gave me a new set of tarot cards for Christmas and I gave readings from the new deck to the friends who were interested.  I can't say that I am a psychic or even an average mit reader but the nature of the tarot cards always gives way to some startling revelations.  The future looks very bright for all who were there last night. 

I always say that these "ventriloquial" card readings are just snap shots of how the universe looks at that moment.  Obviously the picture changes to the same degree that the information has been revealed.  The entire picture can change with the next decision or intention one makes.  Which is to say that predictions of the future do not determine the path of anyone's life. It is just the opposite. Our path determines our life.  We all have the power to find in life what we seek and what we need.  We are visualizing our own destiny and have the ability to shape it. 

If we think our life is like a paper cup in the wind being blown toward an unseen destination we will experience that journey. But if we think our life is like a sailboat using the wind to take us in the direction we wish to go the we are the captain of our experience. 

2014 is just another road sign in this life adventure. Every minute of everyday we can plot our own course and take the cruise we want to take. Like the sailboat that must tack, and ziz zag in a continuously changing wind, the journey will not always be the shortest distance nor always a straight line to our goal.  However, if the course corrections are made with the destination and goal always in mind, the boat will arrive at the safe harbor and bring the bounty of that journey to a new place.  

In 365 days we will look back on 2014 and try to understand.  If we make the necessary course adjustments moment by moment we will find ourselves where we want to be as we see the sign up ahead that saya 2015.  Make this year the one you want.

As you were,

Jay

Wylie Revisited

New Years News

Just under the wire for this year, I signed an agreement with Pop Twist Entertainment to be distributor for the film: "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only."  We actually executed the contract on Friday of last week.  

I am very excited that we have moved into this phase of the project.  I am looking forward having information soon about the purchase, download or other viewing possibilities.  Thanks to everyone who has helped move the project along especially Bryan and Marge, you are the best. Wooden Americans everywhere are in your debt.  Thanks also to everyone who has patiently stood by during this long process.

In other news if you have friends in the New England area send them to Norwell, MA on January 11, 2014 and   The Company Theatre .  I will be doing the live version of the show on that Saturday for two performances, 4:00 and 8:00. 

Start the New Year off with a laugh and a heart felt tear, This is the first time we have been in the Boston area since before we opened on Broadway.  I am excited to "play theatre" with my friend and PSM John Ivy and tell the story again.  It is my greatest thrill to do this show live and I hope to see you there.

I am slowly getting back into my regular blogging schedule.  I'll be waiting for things to happen so that I can relate them here.  It seems impossible that it will soon be 2014.  It seems even more impossible that this is the beginning of my 8th year as a blog writer. However, I will keep trying until I run out of things to write about....

As you were,

Jay

Becoming the New Year

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all.  And to all a good night.

The Black Hole of Chicago

Based upon more than 3 million miles flying on various airlines I have some rules I try never to break. One involves Chicago.

Never book a connection through Chicago. 

If there is no other way to get where you are going, then the lay over between flights at O'Hare can't be less than two and a half hours.  Any airline will tell you that a "legal" connection is anything that leaves 45 minutes later than your incoming flight... don't believe it.  That is the absolute minimum time in perfect conditions and no varibles. It can take that long to walk from one end of the terminal to the other.  The over/under of that bet is much too risky. 

In the winter the issue is weather.  It can hit Chicago fast, cancelling flights and causing delays which cause havock with connections. But even in the best of weather there is an issue that can stress out even the most seasoned traveler.

For me travel/flighing time is gate to gate.  For the airlines "flying time" is the actual time in the air.  So flying time stops when the plane lands. 

For the passengers the flight is not over until you can get off the plane with all your luggage. It doesn't so much matter if the plane lands on time if it takes 45 minutes to get to the gate so passengers and luggage can be transfered. Chicago is infamous for landing on time and killing your connection time with more than a half hour taxi time, or waiting on a plane to leave a gate your plane is scheduled to arrive.  It has happend to me so many times that the "no Chicago connection" rule is carved in stone.

So, when I was booked through Chicago to get to Ft. Lauderdale from Los Angeles, it didn't seem like a good idea for many reasons.  But the arrangements were made before I could voice my concerns and the flight locked in.  There was almost two hours layover in Chicago, and although it is winter, I thought it would work. 

First problem began with LAX at 7:00 in the morning. Just as we were ready to board we were told our plane would be unloaded and a different plane would be making the trip.  "Equipment change" is the exact term.  I asked about connections and the LAX gate agent said that the new plane was on the ground, "That was good" he said, and my  connection would also be good. It would probably only mean a delay of an hour.  I had almost two hours so he convienced me. 

The hour delay turned into an hour and a half, but still there was a chance to make the connection, although there was no way to make sure the luggage would make it.  That becomes a bigger problem for me than most since it is not just my clothes but my act that is checked. 

We made up time in the air and we actually touched down in Chicago almost 50 minutes before my connection.  That is a legal connection according to the airlines.  I thought it might work. But then again this is the black hole of Chicago and there was snow on the ground. 

We taxied for 40 minutes and although I was the first one off that plane it was not an easy hike to the connection gate and when I got there the gate was closed and the de-icing process had begun. There wasn't even an agent around.

Being a Platinuim American Flier I called my American number.  I told him my problem.  I needed help to book another flight.  He said he could not help, I needed to find an agent at the airport.  I reminded him I called because I could not find an agent.  It was a catch 22.  

This was the last flight to Ft. Lauderdale that day and I was stuck for the night in Chicago.  I went to the Admirals Club and got the first flight the next day. However, the club was closing in a couple hours... did I need a room for the night? They found me a room near the airport but would not pay for it since the "Flight landed on time" It was my fault that I missed my connection.  At this point I was not in the mood to rally a cause.

In the course of life this is not even a blip. Spending the night in Chicago before getting to my destination is not a crisis.  Not having my luggage for a night is also no big deal.  Not having a coat in the freezing Chicago snow was the worst part of it. Who dresses for Chicago when you are flying to Ft. Lauderdale?

The worst part of the experience is, I could have avoided it.  I temped fate by breaking my Chicago Rule. I knew better, and will not press my bet again.

As you were,

Jay

It works for me...

Perhaps the Mayans were right and the world did end on 2012.  Something is different because I've had two good experiences with TSA types in just a few days.  As most know, my experience with members of that agency have never been, what you might say "cordial".  I think it is the idea that they presume everyone is guilty until we prove otherwise.  In  Chicago there was a random gate check by the TSA.  There was a sign that said, "Anyone refusing to be searched will not be allowed to board the plane."  I can't decide if that is blackmail or extortion. At any rate, I was not one of the ones chosen to be randomly violated, although it still pissed me off.  

Then at the dock in Ft. Lauderdale the port side security put my cases through the xray before I could board the ship.  He stopped the coveyor belt and looked very closely at my bags.  I repeated the well practiced phrase that gets me through these situations, "I'm a guest entertainer boarding, that's my puppet, I'm a ventriloquist."  The person acted like he didn't hear me, and yelled "bag check." A woman of extaordinary size came over and looked at my bag. Then she looked at the screen.  Once again I said "It's a puppet". She stands like a huge deer in the headlights for a moment then tells me not to touch the bags.    This process has taken a lot of time and the people in line behind me are growing in numbers and becoming more irritated.  The massive lady paused for a minute and called over the armed police official who was standing by.  I said, "I'm a guest entertainer... I'm a ventriloquist and this is my puppet." The policeman looked at the screen, then at the two screeners and said, "What are you screening for? Puppets? That's clearly a puppet, let the man go."  As I was gathering up all my stuff I heard him say, "Clock out." to the man on the xray and another person took over the screening.  

On any level I take that as a win.  So either the world did end or the TSA monkeys are being extra nice since the shooting at LAX a couple months ago. Either way, the cosmos it making my life a little easier. 

As you were,

Jay

Bad Dreams

Did you ever have one of those bad dreams that seem to hang on for most of the day?  Like the smell of burned toast that stays in the air long after. All day long you have to remind yourself that the bad feelings are only the memory of a dream? I have been experiencing those dreams for the past week. 

One of them involved a fight with my best friend. It was a very realistic and stressful dream. It took some time for me to realize it didn't happen.  The memory of the fight was just the memory of the dream not an actual event.  But, it continued to bothered me. I could not get the thought out of my mind and began to think that it might be some premonition. Perhaps my freind was actually mad at me and I channelled the idea in a dream, or maybe it was a sign of a fight to come.  

I decided to text him. I said, "Last night I dreamed that we had a horrible fight. Are we still friends?"

I got this reply, "You are my best friend. One of the nicest guys I know, except in your dreams where you are obviously a dick."

That dream was just the first of several nightmares this week. The pattern seems to be the same.  A stressful situation of loss that takes me all day to get past. Last night even that idea became part of the plot. In my dream I said to someone, "'For a minute I thought this didn't really happen, and I only dreamed it."  The person in my dream said, "Oh, you didn't dream it, it really happened." I became even more depressed in my dream state. 

This experience started me thinking about reality. There is no doubt that when we are dreaming, no matter how illogical, we believe it is the truth of what is happening to us.  At one moment in this imaginary universe I caught a glimpse of the truth.  I knew it was not reality but a dream.  However, the minute I express that truth the dream tells me I am wrong and I return to the illogical universe. 

I guess the lesson is: when we have found the truth within ourselves we can not look for validation or proof from the outside. We have to find the truth and hold on to it inside oursleves.

As you were,

Jay

TSA

Normally my interaction with the TSA is a contentious one. But not this morning. I am pre-screened. That means I get to go through the "security lite" line. They are generally more friendly and less stressed.
So the X-ray guy looks at the screen and says, "What is in there?" Indicating my small black carry on.
I say "That's a puppet."
He looks at it again and says "Works for me."
I said, "Actually he works for me."
There was a rare laugh from the TSA. My day has been made but the plane is late. Just when you thought it was a good day to travel.
As you were
Jay

If it smells like a Duck...

It is Friday the 13th and that seems like a lucky day to me.  Maybe we had more luck than we know this past week.
Everyone is getting a lot of humor out of the sign language interpreter for the Nelson Mandella's memorial. It's funny, an interpreter for the deaf signing gibberish at an event the whole world is watching.  It is much like a Saturday Night Live sketch with Garrett Morris yelling at the camera through cupped hands. However, as the details of the event come out it becomes a little less comedy sketch and more like a sinister plot.  

According to the LA Times the man who stood only feet from the most powerful leaders in the world was clinically diagnosed with schizophrenia. He heard voices inside his head and he spent a year and a half in a hospital jail for his problems.  He was known to be violent with sudden outbursts of anger and once took a clerk hostage inside a courtroom. 

The man admits to his condition and says now that he was having "an episode" while he was on stage with president Obama. He was hearing voices and "seeing angels".  In the Times he was quoted as saying that the episode was probably brought on by the excitement and the importance of the ceremony.  He basically broke under the pressure. Fortunately he did not get violent. 

At the least, the people responsible for vetting this guy to be on stage were derelict in their duties; at worst it was a terrorist plot that did not play out.  To add to the mystery, the agency responsible for getting this guy to the podium is gone.  "Vanished into thin air" is the quote from South Africa. 

Now if I owned the agency that supplied this guy, I too might disappear from a public relations angle if nothing else.  It can't be good business to be the agency that sent an "illiterate" signer to the big show.

But playing the role of conspiracy advocate as I do,  what if this was a "front" company who got this guy to the podium that day.  The company knew he had uncontrolled violent outbursts capable of harming people and could crack under pressure. Just get this guy next to world leaders in a stressful situation and see what happens. 

If he cracks and becomes violent he would  be the "lone crazy" who snapped.  Damage would have been done, this guy would be the patsy.   The people who got him there (the agency) would have "vanished into thin air" and the chain of responsibility would be broken. The plot would end with a mental problem.

There are so many political terrorist plots that are interrupted, this could have been the bomb that didn't go off, but in the perfect cover story it was just a confused sign language interpreter. You can bet that no one will look into this as anything but a "comic" situation.   

I personally think that the minute it was determined that his sign language was gibberish he should have been quietly removed from stage. First of all, he was not doing the job he was supposed to do, and secondly... most importantly... he could have been sending instant signals to coordinate a larger plot of attack. 

Perhaps I read to many crime stories.  Still this whole thing seems like a very odd duck.  You can bet that it won't go any further than this blog.  I guess there is no story if there is no story, but in some ways it seems that a crisis event was diverted by sheer luck. 

As you were,

Jay

Literary Clean Up

Deviant Moon Tarot Card reading.
Lunatic Spread Personal Indicator Cloth.. by Jayson

Looking through drafts of blog pieces never published is interesting.  Some are so time sensitive that finishing them now would be passé. Some have no time reference but a logical thread missing that does not connect to any idea I still have.  Other missives were not well thought out blogs but bits of prose related to nothing specific. 

However, it seems a shame to discard these ideas simply because they were edited or deleted from a blog. Ideas should always be relevant for the mere sake that they are ideas. So here is my plan for this blog: It consists of the left over pieces from attempts to blog. They do not relate... they do not connect. They are simply dust bin shavings of ideas past.  After you read them you will know why they have never been included in a blog before.

Time Stamped

Until a few years ago I thought Black Friday was the Friday when the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began.  Or as I celebrate it, Black Friday is the Friday before Halloween.

Unfortunately it has been co-opted by the retail commercial marketing machine and turned into a news worth freak show of greed and bad manners. It represents the worst quality we have as Americans and shows the world that we care more about a flat screen television than we care about starving children.

How ridiculous it must seem to other countries who are fighting for their freedom and peace, to see a bunch of over fed Americans fist fighting for the best deal on a new PS 4 at Walmart. In most countries you would see violence like that over a loaf of bread. It would be a fight for survival not a fight for cheap electronics

What is with the attention grabbing slutty actions of  Madanna    Paris Hilton   Britney Spears   Miley Cyrus last night? 

Incomplete 

... but then again it was not because he wasn't trying. He wore a hole in the carpet with his

What I actually said was, "That is a cunning array of stunts..."  

I was reading the entertainment section when I became aware that someone was looking at the same article over my shoulder. It was beginning to irritate me so I turned to give whoever it was a look. It was Donny Osmond wearing an Elmer Fudd hunting cap.  I said, "I thought you were the one who was a little rock an roll..."  

Well, it wasn't like being the opening act for the Aristocrates. 

So the Rabbi walks up to the guy in the gorilla suit who has just bought the hooker a drink and says, "What da ya think.... this is an Avacado factory?

I swear it was a TSA agent that was so wide she would get stuck in the metal detector if she tried to go through.

There was no spelling checker in those days so it said, "Be sure you come to the desk and sign the Rooster."

All cleaned out now, and a meaningless blog.   As it was.

As you were,

Jay