What is that Feeling?

 

I feel it. Most of my friends feel it. The whole country seems to be  suffering from it as well.  Some just think that it is election fatigue, I think it is something more. In fact I printed out my opinion of what it is and attached it to the refrigerator.  The note to self reads, "It's Depression Stupid".

There is still so much misinformation about depression most civilians can't really identify it for what it is.  For some, depression is just something you get over.  A momentary sadness that will get better in time as one learns to cope with an unhappy situation.  Their depression is gone before it can even be identified.

No so with us "clinicals".  For us it is not just a situation that has made us depressed, it is a chemical imbalance that keeps us from moving past that "unhappy feeling".  Eventually it becomes a chicken or the egg situation.  Initially we think  we are depressed because of some situation that is happening or has happened in our lives. Everyone has times that are not as productive, happy or satisfying as they could be and it is normal to have darker feelings about those times or events.  The death of a family member of close friend is the most obvious trigger for depression.  Depression is something that all people struggle with at one time or another.   Clinicals don't get past it, a clinical eventually realizes that it is not just the situation causing the depression, but depression is shaping the situation.  It becomes a death spiral. The depression makes a situation unbearable which leads to another situation that is no better than the first. Soon the entire world is a giant pity party requiring more pity and  depression as it begins to feed on itself.  This leads to hopelessness and helplessness as a person's life becomes so off track and out of control it is not worth living that pain anymore. 

Although depression can mask itself as various physical symptoms it is caused by a mental stew of feeling worthless, inability to affect your own happiness or future  and the idea that no choice before you brings any chance of change from sadness, which pretty much sums up this current Presidential election drama being played out.

There are so many conflicting ideas being touted as the truth, and so much hostility from both sides of the issue that even a non- Clinical feels helpless. As we can see an end to this cycle on Nov. 8th, it should be the light at the end of the tunnel and relief around the corner. For a clinical depressive like myself all I see is a new chapter of more hostility that will never end.   John McCain said he will not allow ANY Hillary Clinton Supreme court nominee to be seated at the Supreme Court if she is elected.  Ted Cruz said the same thing in the Senate chambers yesterday. And so my feeling of helplessness and hopelessness seems to just be beginning anew. 

The GOP spouts the idea that this election is about change.  The change they are talking about is a "change" from a Democratic President to a Republican President.  That is not where we need the change. While blocking nominations, killing bills, holding budgets hostage, with their majority in both houses of congress Republicans have done nothing for the last 8 years. In fact they have not just been idle they have made a massive attempt to squelch any legislation at all.  They suppress the way governing is supposed to happen, bully their rivals,  prosecute those they disagree with while their Presidential Nominee says elections are rigged.  If the democrats could rig elections don't you think they would give themselves the majority in congress?

The only change that will be effective is to rid Congress of the Republican strangle hold. Get rid of the Good Ole Boys who have become fat with power. Otherwise the election of the President is just a matter of PR.  

It's Depression Stupid. That feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that I can not change the situation I am in.  The feeling it is going to be bad no matter what I try to do and there is nothing I can do to really affect  my own future.  This is not just a sad time for a clinical depressive it is a sad time for everyone but while some of us may be able to cope with the madness,  there are those of us who will struggle no matter what happens.  

I plan to vote mainly because Prop 64 is on the California ballot.  That is the Pot Prop, and Pot is a well known effective anti-depressant.  No matter what happens on Nov 8th.... we are going to need some safe and helpful ways to deal with it. 

I thought writing about it would help me feel better..... It did not.  Rome wasn't built in a day, but it came crashing down very quickly. 

As you were,

Jay