Thursday, August 25, 2016

What have you got to lose?

The Dump 
There is this car that sits on a high end dealership lot.  It has been there for some time.  Since some of the newer models were not to my total liking, I took another look at the one that had been around.
The salesman was very anxious to sell the car and said that it was not made in a standard auto factory, no... It was built by a private company. Although this particular company had never built a car before, it was a well known company and product brand. The salesman claimed that even though this was their first attempt at making a car, it was the best car.  It would drive so well, I would get tired of driving so well. When my neighbors saw what a great car this was they would like me even better. 
When the car started, the engine did not sound like a normal car, but then again the salesman said, "Of course it doesn't sound like any other vehicle.  It did not come the same old factories, this is all new. And you will be proud to drive an American car."  I said, I didn't know that the car was made in the USA. 
The salesman said, "Oh..the parts and equipment were made in China, the cloth came from Indonesia and it was assembled in South Korea, but the name on the car, "Dump" that is absolutely American." 

I told the salesman I did not like the artificial orange color of the exterior, or the oddly shaped cover on the sunroof. The salesman said, "You might not like it but that color is the real thing. Aren't you tired of colors that are subdued and correctly matched. This car is unapologetic and its color is the color a lot of people would like to have but are just too shy to openly desire." 

I asked to see the original sticker price.  The salesman said that sales document was tied up in an inventory  audit and could not be released until the inventory was finished.  

Then I said, "Show me the Car Fax". 
The salesman said the car had never been driven so there was no Car Fax available. But trust him, this car would drive so great, it would Make Driving Great Again.  And with special door locks only people with a valid drivers license could actually sit inside.  I saw another car on the same lot and asked about that one. The salesman was dismissive, "That one does not drive straight. Sure it is a known brand but it is so exclusive some people say you have to pay the owner just to sit inside." 

I asked if I could take it out for a test drive. The salesman laughed and said that is not the way it worked. I would have to buy the car to see if I like it or not.  I said, "What if I don't like it."
"Well," said the salesman, "After four years you can bring it back.  Obviously we can't give you a refund  if you have already driven it for four years." 

"Okay," I said, "let me get this straight. You want me to buy this car, even though it has never been off the lot so there is no maintenance record.  You can't show me the sticker price because it is being audited. I can't test drive it and I have to keep it for four years even if it doesn't work after I buy it. And...This car company has never designed a car before, nor do they really know exactly how an internal combustion engine works. "
" Yeah, but he company does make great steaks." The salesman said.
I was not convinced.  It just didn't seem I had enough information on the car to actually know what I was buying.
It was his final pitch to sell me the car. He looked at the 8 year old dark colored BMW I was driving. I loved that car, it had never been involved in an accident, and had never given me any trouble.  I didn't much want to trade the car, but after 8 years it was time. Besides, the dealership that was supposed to keep up it running had refused to do any maintenance or try to make any improvements for the last four years.  Pointing to my car the salesman said, "Look at what you are driving now?" He asked. His voice got very conspiratorial, "It's never been proven to my satisfaction that this car was even made in the USA." With a big smile he said, again, "Look at what you have been driving? Why don't you give this Dump a try.. What the hell have you got to lose?  What the HELL have you got to lose." 
As you were,
Jay




2 comments:

chanaleh said...

Love it. It actually took me several sentences in to pick up on the allegory. I wish we could keep driving the Beamer too.

P. Grecian said...

Brilliant.