Monday, February 29, 2016

And the Award goes...

In the past the Academy Awards Ceremony has been a much bigger deal at the Johnson house.  This may be one of the first times in family history we have not had a viewing party to go to or friends over to watch.  I have even babysat with the boys watching their Mother perform on the Academy Awards Show night in years past. And there was a time we kept with our friends children on Academy Awards night when those very friends were in the audience to receive an Academy Award. But not this year. 
At an unrelated party the night before we, along with our friends, all decided that this year we would chill and do our own thing for the evening.  That is exactly what Sandi and I did.  We opened a bottle of champagne and watched together.  I didn't even bother to bring out the traditional dumb bell.
Those who have not watched an awards show with me in the past may not be familiar with my tradition of manning the awards dumb bell. At the risk of a "stinging on line judgement" I will attempt an explanation.
It might surprise you to know that I have an opinion about most everything especially award shows. In the comfort of my own home and among friends I do not hesitate to express those opinions. Although cathartic for me it is a real distraction to those around me trying to watch the show. After years of complaints I have come up with a compromise that seems to work. At least it has saved my marriage.
The solution: The Dumb Bell.  The dumb bell is a generic desk bell like you would find on the counter of a retail store. You slap it with the palm of your hand and it rings. This bell is placed on the coffee table between the screen and the couch before the Awards show starts.  As the evening progresses rather than make comments on things that are happening during the show I ring the bell in honor of a "dumb" statement or event that happens. Thus it is referred to as the Dumb Bell. With this method I can register my complaint or opinion with little distraction to those also watching. And although I am not the only one who is allowed to express themselves in this manner, I seem to be the major user.  
There have been times when the traditional dumb bell has mysteriously vanished prior to some event. I have always been able to find it's hiding place before it is actually needed. (In truth I have an extra stashed away "just in case" that happens).
But alas I did not even feel the need to prepare the Dumb bell for last nights ceremony.  Chris Rock was funny,  and although the point needed to be made, the racial diversity subject became a little long in the tooth before the evening was up and it was not as edgy as hinted at the week before.  
My favorited Chris Rock joke was at the expense of Jada Smith.  "Jada Smith.... how can you boycott something that you weren't even invited to. It would be like me boycotting Beyonce's panties... I wasn't invited in." 
Louis CK was funny presenting the documentary short subject Oscar. He rightly pointed out that it would be the only Oscar that would go home in a Toyota. 
Sara Silverman... I very often don't get her and last night was one of those times. 
And once again Sandi reconfirmed that I would get a pass if I ever got to spend time with Charlize Theron.   
I suppose I should be grateful for the 3 and a half hour distraction from the circus of the political race. Unfortunately the dumb bell idea does not work for politics, it would simply be ringing all the time.
As you were,
Jay

4 comments:

Rev. Lynn said...

Oh Jay! We used to have a water gun at the ready but it became problematic for our t.v. viewing. It started with Sally Field and I believe ended with.....Sally Field. I have become increasingly disgruntled with our American competitive nature. Even cooking shows are a "who does it better" competition when we all know Mom always does it better. The only two competitive events I watch is DWTS and The Oscars. I fast forward through the back biting on Project Runway and enjoy the fashion show.We too, decided that this year we'd keep a low profile and not have friends over. This also provided more champagne for Buzz and me. The recent political shenanigans has given our pallets a sour finish to what usually is a delicious experience for us. Love the Oscars. Unfortunately last night as you suggested over dispatched the political and cultural message (albeit timely and important) and gave me the same feeling I used to feel when my kids guilted me. The point was well taken after the first biting remarks. Nothing to relish, nothing to savor. There were some very important messages along with the most obvious issue of black and white, regarding sexual abuse, climate change, political abuse, etc. But the wind was out of my sails. I fell asleep. Must have been the extra rations of champagne.

Gwyn Oswin said...

I really, REALLY need a Dumb Bell. What a brilliant idea!

Todd Sherry said...

To be clear, he said "Rhianna's panties" not Beyonce's...but I loved that one also!!!!!!!!!

Lauri Bartlett said...

The good old days when Sandi was dancing on the the Oscars is, alas, gone.....each year has become increasingly trying and more difficult to watch without cringing.