Saturday, February 22, 2014

More than a Wedding Anniversary...

It was 23 years ago today that I was best man at my brother-in-law's wedding. It was a beautiful event at a wonderful place called "Inn of the Seventh Ray" in the heart of Old Topanga Canyon.  My sister-in -lust was beautiful and the entire family was there. My Best Man toast to the Bride and Groom was nominated for "spoken word of the year" by the "spoken word of the year society" ( I don't think that society exists anymore.) And the actor they got to play the part of the preacher/priest was perfectly cast.  And now 23 years later the marriage would be common law even if they did not have such a wonderful wedding party to celebrate, but I am glad they did.
The hardest part of being a best man is arranging the bachleor party.  I knew I could not handle this difficult job alone, so I was assigned another friend of my Bro-in-Law to help.  At the time the Groom and "Bride to be"were touring in a musical performing in LA. My party co-producer was one of the dancer/actor's in the show.  Since I'm not using names... we'll call him Jerome.  
Now, my experience at hiring strippers is limited, to say the least. I don't know how much experience Jerome had but being younger than me it came more naturally. And being that  strippers and booze are the essential elements of a bachelor party we arranged for several meetings to search out the best of each.  Eventually we ended up at the office of a "stripper's agency" in Hollywood.  It was a small office above a strip mall (how appropriate is that) next to the "Tail of the Pup" - a famous Hollywood hot dog stand (even more appropriate.)
The attractive if not over done "agent" asked us a few questions about the party, and the bride to be as we sat on a black leather couch across from her desk. She mentioned some names like Bambi, Keendra, Blossom, Virginia and Hielda.  They would all be perfect for our party in her opinion.  This one had bigger boobs, that on was a better dancer, and Virginia... well let's just say she was known for being limber.  It was like ordering new car, there were "special packages" that came with each model. To say the decision was over whelming was an understatement.  
"But", said the agent,"They are all beautiful and whom ever you pick will be great for your party.  Here watch this video tape of my girls and tell me which one you like." With that she swiveled a television monitor around on her desk hit a button and left the room to have a cigarette.
There we were watching a video of stripper after stripper on the "Agency" sizzle reel. Usually it was a video taken from the audience of a strip club, but every so often there would be a girl talking off her skivies in a very low production clip, shot with a hand held camera in a small apartment.  After a time Jerome and I noticed that all the under produced videos seemed to be shot in the same apartment. Althought 23 years later I remember it as Virginia who came on the screen, names were not the focus. This girl was doing things on a couch that neither Jerome nor I had ever witnessed, obviously this is pre-porno Internet. 
We really didn't know who to "hire" and it didn't really matter. The agent was still having a smoke. That is when I looked carefully at the couch Virginia was having relations with.  I said, "Jerome, does that couch look familiar to you?" 
The answer came to both of us at exactly the same moment. Together we looked down at the couch we were sitting on.  Yep... same one. We were sitting on the same black leather couch that had been the co-star of several audition videos.   Trying not to touch the cushions we levitated off the sofa and called for the agent.  Keendra won the audition, the contract was signed with us standing, but not closely to the desk.  
As it turned out Keendra did not show up for the party and instead we got Hielda to perform for us.  The rest of the evening is a blur, but it was the last time my sister-in-law allowed Jerome and I to be in charge of anything.  
It will go down as one of the best parties I don't remember in my life.
Happy Anniversary you guys.  And Jerome.... call me.
As you were,

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