Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Horny Stories

You are probably reading this for all the wrong reasons. This is another story from the Horn, the club I mentioned yesterday. (Find porno stories other places on the net).

I was green from Texas when I landed at the Horn. I was trying to figure out how to entertain the audiences that came there. Half jaded show biz types, the other half tourist who heard this was the place to see great talent in LA.
With enough regularity to make me question my abilities, the same thing would happen on different occasions. Ric would introduce me. "Here is a new kid. One of the best ventriloquists you will ever see. Welcome Jay Johnson..."  Play on music... I walked on stage. At that very moment 20 people sitting different places in the club would get up in unison and walk out.

"Just a case of ventrilo-phobia," I would tell myself to sooth my damaged ego.   Those waiting to get in the club would fill the room back up and the set seemed to go well. Better each night as I adjusted material.
But it happened enough to make me really question the art form I had chosen to make a career of.  It always stung to see the mass exodus when my name and the word ventriloquist was mentioned.

This was not an issue at the places I worked in Texas, but this was the big time and I wondered if I really could work as an LA comic. I knew I was walking a high wire and could fall at any moment. I kept it too myself hoping Ric would not notice the exodus and fire me.

One night I got there early and while I standing in the empty room, the bartender asked Ric, "how many crawlers do we have tonight?" Ric looked at a piece of paper and said, "Tonight we have uh.... 18."
"Crawlers?" I said, thinking it was a professional show biz term.
"That's the bus tour. They go to five bars in LA on a given night. They call it the Hollywood Pub Crawl Tour."
"Pub Crawl" I said.
"Yeah you must have seen them here. They stay from 9:00 to 10:00, and then move on to the Fox and Hound on Wilshire."
"I wasn't aware."
"You must have seen them get up and leave together."
Inside my head there was an audible "boing" as I grasp what I had just heard.
The two comedy spots happened at 10:00 and 11:45. If I was doing the early set, the 20 people were not walking out on me, they were just exiting to get on the bus and move to the next pub.
I made it in the business at that moment.  I was an LA comic and my job was secure. I was assuming the exodus was all about me and my act. There could be no other logical explanation in the self-centered world of an LA comic.
Later that year I was cast in Soap. ABC casting executives had seen me perform at the Horn, so when I went in for my screen test it was just a formality.
As you were,
Jay

1 comment:

Pete Biro said...

It's the old "live and Learn." Glad you survived it.