Words

I want to know who is inventing the new words people keep using. Is there some guy in the back room of the New York Times, sitting next to the crossword puzzle creator who just thinks up new words to use? It's easy to understand when a brand name becomes part of the lexicon, like cellophane, jacuzzi, refrigerator or Google which is also used as a verb. These are just product names and because of their wide spread use for a single product became a generic noun. But there are some words that just suddenly show up.

The latest one is "illiquid". The pundits are using it to describe bad debts. Although no official definition is offered, I assume "Illiquid assets" are those you can't cash, no one wants or you can't get rid of. The antonym is a liquid asset, something you can sell or get rid of easily. Cash is the most liquid of all assets.

I have a business degree from college and both my Father and Brother are investment bankers but I never heard the term until a few days ago. Before that you had "liquid assets" and "non- liquid assets", there was no "illiquid" in the business vocabulary. I like it in reference to this crisis, "ill" is a good prefix for today's times. Maybe the Ill-Money Market is a good description. The "Ill-Street Bailout", or an "Ill-Congressional Bill". I think professionals keep using new words so they can support the Dictionary publishers. If there were no new words then a 1963 Websters Dictionary would never need to be revised.

Who is behind this conspiracy? Who is artificially inflating the need for new Dictionary's? When was the last time you bought a dictionary? Well if it was later than last week, it is out of date. Your dictionary might contain the newest verb "Google", but you are out of luck to find "illiquid". I have one of those thousand page Unabridged Dictionaries. You know the ones that are so thick you can actually use them as a step-stool to reach the books on your topmost shelf. I bought it years ago because I wanted to make sure I could find any word I heard in the future. Well that investment was a waste. What is the use of having a language we can understand if we keep inventing new words that no one knows the definition to. If it isn't in the dictionary how do I know a person is using a word correctly? Are we allowed to just create our own words. "Wow she is a real zorp". "I think I will go outside and vistibalebiate." "Mommy, Mommy he called me a piskatile" I think communication would completely break down....

Here is my suggestion. Lets form a committee of our most eloquent people with the best vocabulary and let them come up with, say, a thousand new words. Whatever words they want. After they invent the new words, let's define them and put them in a "new addition" Dictionary. No one will be allowed to use the new words until the Dictionary is published and the meaning standardized. Then lets call a moratorium on new words for the next 50 years. No more new words, we'll have enough after that. Let's use the ones we have. If we don't use the words we already have, some may become "illiquid". That would be zitrantifigeritvely mongerital.

As you were,
Jay