The Amazing Mr. Marshall

Often one has to stop and take a big deep breath, otherwise you forget how great it is to be able to breath. Mostly breathing happens when we pay the least attention to it.  The same holds true with gratitude.  Sometimes one has to stop and take inventory of the things for which you are grateful lest you take them for granted.

At the top of my list of gratitude is friendship.  I hope my epitaph says, "He had wonderful Friends." I hope those friends know how blessed I am to be considered their friend. I don't have a ranking order of friends because they are all unique and all crowd the top because of their own special and wonderful qualities.  However...

Last night was a wonderful reminder of how blessed I am. It was an evening at the Paley Center for the Media honoring Peter Marshall.  It was also his 90th birthday.  The audience was filled with 300 or so invited guests, family and friends.  What struck me most about the crowd was the depth of performers from every field of entertainment.  There is no type of show business Peter Marshall has not excelled in. From first banana in a comedy duo, to  big band singer, to stage star, to movie and television actor, recording star, to pitch man, night club performer, game show host, variety show host and guru expert on the music of Big Band Swing, Peter has done it all, extremely well.  He is the happiest, nicest most engaging person who commands a steel trap mind and memory with twice the energy of people half his age.  His singing voice is as strong and beautiful as ever and he remembers every detail of every moment of his life.  Treasures like Peter defy what age is supposed to act like. 

Fred Willard and Peter Marshall

First came a 40 minute video tribute to Peter gathered and edited by Jim Pierson. It started with film clips of Peter singing from 1949 Television shows and included cherries picked from the best moments of his 16 years as host of Hollywood Squares. After that,  Peter Marshall himself took the stage. 

Leading Peter in an informal conversation about his life and career was his friend Fred Willard. Fred, one of the great comedy minds of all time and Peter one of the great comedy team straight men of all time, made for very easy listening.  It was not an interview nor even a chat.  It was like eaves dropping on two amazing minds having a dinner conversation. The Paley Center was filming the entire event, but to be there "live" as it was happening is a moment that can not be captured by any media. 

Jay Johnson - Jim Pierson - Peter Marshall
Photo by Steve Cox

I marveled at what a large brush this artist named Peter Marshall has used to paint his life.  The best game show hosts, the best game show producers, best actors, best comics, best writers, best dancers, singers and musicians (not to mention a ventriloquist) were there to honor the 90th anniversary of the birth of their friend Peter.  We have all been touched by the charm of his personality and the joy of his talents.   The very same can be said of Peter's beautiful wife Laurie who was the force behind the event. To meet Peter and Laurie is to love them.

Peter is my hero. At 90 years old his is not the guy who screams "kids get off my lawn",  he is the guy who says, "hey kids, come over to my lawn so we can play together." The world would be a better place if there were more humans like the Amazing Mr. Marshall.

As you were,

Jay

Allah we have a problem.....

I'm baffled.  Even as I write this I am not sure it will or should be published. But as I hear Presidential candidates wax political on what they would do to combat terrorism, something is missing. It is the voice of Muslims around the world.

It is an easy comparison to make between the KKK and ISIS. KKK hides behind the American Flag and Christian religion to justify violence and racism.  ISIS hides behind a black flag and Islam to justify violence and extremism.  When the KKK was taking responsibility for the terrorist activity in Mississippi, the bombing of black churches and the lynching of black people, Christians all over the country stood up to condemn them as not representative of America nor Christianity.  Christians rightly pointed out that violence and the killing of innocent people was not accepted by their religion. The KKK was rightfully pointed out to be "radicalized" Christians who were minority thugs who did not share the beliefs of the majority of Americans and Christians. We could therefore condemn the actions of terrorist and their violence without condemning an entire country or religion.  

Where are the Muslim leaders, the Imams, the leaders of Mosques around the world voicing their disapproval and condemnation of suicide and murder? In the news coverage after the Brussels attack, I have not heard one Muslim voice of authority rise to say, "We do not accept this as a representation of our faith." The only thing I have seen in all the coverage is a reporter finding moderate Muslims to ask if they feel they are being persecuted as a group for the actions in Brussels.  To a person they say yes. The reason they are feeling that way is partly because the leaders of their faith have done nothing to distance themselves from the violence.  If leaders of Islam do not come out and condemn the actions of ISIS unilaterally, stating firmly that Islam does not stand with a small group of radical terrorist's, then they become complicit in their silence.  If the leaders of the millions of Muslims living peacefully and harmoniously do not come out and condemn the violence of ISIS as not a part of their religion, then we can only assume they all support it.  

I have Muslim friends. They do not support the ISIS mandate nor their actions.   They do not attend radical Mosques nor tolerate extremist views. I have the feeling most Muslims feel that way as well. Why are they not speaking out? Why are they not attempting to organize and find ways to show another side of this ancient religion? Why are they letting a few thugs and killers define their life style?

As I said, I'm baffled.

As you were,

Jay

Beware the Ides of March

It is the Ides of March - which was a pagan religious holiday until Julius Caesar pissed off the wrong politicians. (Cautionary tale for the Republican front runner).  Because I do not wish to tempt fate with any questionable missives on the Ides of any month, particularly today, I will keep this blog post short. 

For contractual reasons I can't be totally forth coming on today's subject. I think people who followed the line of reasoning in yesterday's blog will get it, even if the message has to be encrypted slightly.

Yesterday I posed a theory that the more times you repeat a word or phrase in a blog, the more hits you would get on that subject. It isn't really a theory as much as it is a statement of how the Internet works. Search engines are just looking for similar sets of code (ultimately specific groups of 1s and 0s). Once found, programing can do all kinds of things with that discovered information.  

So yesterday, as you know, I tried to use several names and words repeatedly in the post to see what the algorithm gods of the Internet would make of it.   Pictured are two screen grabs of that blog post as it appeared on my virtual desk top yesterday. These ads are the real thing and I did not choose them nor place them in and/or near the blog. The ghost of the Internet did that.  As you can see it "read" the post and stuck in ads which seemed appropriate to the subject matter. They are self explanatory and not surprising at all.

It's not that the NSA, CIA and FBI are looking over your shoulder as  you write online, they don't have to. This trolling, searching, calculating digital brain is sorting through your data using a sophisticated algorithm. Basically what we do and say, click or like, repost or retweet on line is being used to profile us.  These screen pictures are proof although in this case the information is being used strictly for advertising. If you click on the ads that appear on any page, it adds to the metadata of your profile. 

I have been over careful about NOT writing the words and names I over-used in yesterday's blog. I doubt if the same ads will appear as part of today's blog but,  there is a bigger worry I have on this day of March 15th.  What other profile data is being gathered about me, and you right now.  These algorithms are so good they are probably doing a psychological analysis of the style tone and voice of these writings and coming to a much more complicated idea of who I am. Since I struggle with that personal identity myself, I wish there was a way to check the profile not unlike the way we can log on and check our credit score.

"Beware the Ides of March", said the soothsayer to Julius Caesar, predicting the day he would be assassinated. We don't have soothsayers to predict the future anymore, now we have algorithms and they don't seem to want to share.

As you were,

Jay  

Click here for the News.

If the NSA, FBI and the CIA have more sophisticated analytical tools than I do with this blogger app, then we Internet users definitely have no secrets to keep.  With the information I have available to me about each post I write, I can pretty much predict what kind of numbers it will garner and what subjects matters will increase the "circulation" of an individual post. It colors my choice of what to write about if raw numbers are my goal.  Perhaps on a much grander scale this is what is happening in this modern day 24/7 cycle of news.  

The fact is,  I started writing this blog as a personal recollection of my experience on Broadway.  New York is a writers town and it was easy to get material to write about. I simply had to comment on my walk to work each day. But eventually the show closed and I moved back to Encino. Driving the streets of Encino will never be as colorful as walking two blocks through mid-town Manhattan.   Over the years this blog has become more of a stream of consciousness attesting to life and career "ATA" (After a Tony Award®).

As a performer it is hard to disconnect from numbers. Continuing to do the thing you love the most: Performing (in my case that would be "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only") requires an audience. An audience is made up of a number of people. The greater the number of people the more financially successful your  performance. The more successful your performance the more often you get to perform/work.  In the voodoo mathematics of performing it goes something like this  Love = performing = audiences = numbers.  So  Love = Numbers in an emotional non-linear very unscientific relationship.

"That is Disgusting" said Donald TRUMP. 

So it is hard for a performer like myself NOT to be mindful of the "numbers" attracted by what I am writing in a blog. Greater blog numbers, even though totally disconnected from paid ticket sales, become the game. In the Internet world, a click (good or bad, like or don't like, read or don't read) is registered the same. After all it is not a poll, it is simply an activity tracking number.  Here are some conclusions I have come to about blog numbers.  

Numbers for a blog will go up if you:

Attach at PICTURE. - 

(even if it has nothing to do with the story or text. Particularly if it is gratuitous in nature.)

Use the words like : RELIGION, POLITICS, REPUBLICAN, DEMOCRAT, ANAL, PENIS, VAGINA, PORN, BAPTIST, EVANGELICAL, MUSLIM, ISLAMIC, FACIST, SCIENTOLOGY or TERRORIST. 

Use names like: TRUMP, CRUZ, RUBIO, SANDERS, CLINTON, RYAN, HITLER, OBAMA, KARDASHIAN, KANYE, ASSAD, REAGAN or NIXON.

All the better if you can combine the words like: VAGINA MUSLIM, FASCIST RUBIO, PORN KARDASHIAN,  TERRORIST ASSAD,  ANAL CRUZ, ASSHOLE KANYE, PENIS TRUMP.

(note almost any word can be used to modify TRUMP)

Or it also works if you combine names like: TRUMP beds KARDASHIAN, CLINTON screws RYAN, HITLER endorses CRUZ, RUBIO appoints KANYE, OBAMA rejects HITLER or TRUMP beds SANDERS. (Almost any name can be used to modify TRUMP)

The reason for adding these words to your blog is simple. Search engines like Google just look for words and how many times they appear in a certain text.  If someone is searching TRUMP, for example, the more times a word like TRUMP is used in the text,  the higher up on the list of hits in a search for TRUMP. TRUMP is a great word to repeat because with TRUMP there are so many searches that include TRUMP modified by almost any adjective to TRUMP. Dump TRUMP, Dick TRUMP, delusional TRUMP, disgusting TRUMP,  destructive TRUMP all fit and that is just a quick look in the "D" section of the dictionary.  Even if you do not mean TRUMP, as in the name DONALD J. TRUMP, it is still a search engine hit. i.e.  TRUMP suite in a game of cards. There was a TRUMP to his proposal. Aces are TRUMP cards in this game. The point with TRUMP is to just repeat it so that the word TRUMP is registered in a TRUMP search.  It is all about numbers. TRUMP seems to TRUMP other words for getting hits.
TRUMP said it best when TRUMP said, (and this is a legitimate TRUMP quote.)  "I'm educated. I know words. I have a lot of words." said Donald TRUMP.  If TRUMP knows words and TRUMP seems to be leading in the REPUBLICAN polls perhaps we should all start using words. 

So this is what passes for news when you are only looking at the numbers. TRUMP. You throw in things, TRUMP FASCIST PORN BAPTIST, that are not really relative, PUSSY TRUMP PENIS, to the story or in any way important news. KARDASHIAN ANAL CRUZ, are just words, ASSHOLE, to  grab your attention and make you click. TRUMP, NIXON, HITLER, EVANGELICAL RELIGION because once you click you are counted and that PENIS is all that matters.

So,  understand that when I use words like: RELIGION, POLITICS, REPUBLICAN, DEMOCRAT, ANAL, PENIS,VAGINA, PORN, BAPTIST, EVANGELICAL, MUSLIM, ISLAMIC, FASCIST, SCIENTOLOGY or TERRORIST. Or names like: TRUMP, CRUZ, RUBIO, SANDERS, CLINTON, RYAN, HITLER, OBAMA, KARDASHIAN, KANYE, ASSAD, REAGAN or NIXON. Or try to combine them like: TRUMP beds KARDASHIAN, CLINTON screws RYAN, HITLER endorses CRUZ, RUBIO appoints KANYE, OBAMA rejects HITLER or TRUMP beds SANDERS. or any other combination of the words like: KARDASHIAN ANAL CRUZ, ASSHOLE, TRUMP, NIXON, HITLER, EVANGELICAL RELIGION, PENIS it has nothing to do with what I am thinking or VAGINA posting.  And if they get repeated over and over (not unlike a CNN new clip) well that is just good journalism. PENIS, ANAL, VAGINA, TRUMP, ASSHOLE, CRUZ, DOUCHE, CLINTON, BITCH, SANDERS, COMMUNIST, RUBIO, ANCHOR BABY, KARDASHIAN, SLUT, KANYE, FUCK YOU, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP.

Remember this: it's not news.  It's not important, it's not necessary, it's CAPITALISM.  Anything for the buck. News today is not a service it is a hugely profitable business.   TRUMP, PENIS, RUBIO, MEXICAN, CRUZ, SOCIOPATH, CLINTON, FELON, SANDERS, COMMUNIST, SENATE, IDIOTS, SCOLLIA, DEAD, OBAMA*

(*Our first Negro president).

All I really want to do is tell stories.  I wish I didn't care if anyone was listening.

As you were,

Jay  

Opus Dunka

Reprint from: 03/10/12-  On Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 8:12 AM my niece Nicki and her husband Jeff had their first child.  She is a beautiful girl named Noel Paulene. I was in Dallas, where she was born, over the weekend and actually got to meet her about three hours after she arrived.

  

I have always been very close to Nicki. In her younger years her attempt to articulate Uncle Jay came out Dunka Day.  Being a Dunka Day is the best job I ever had.  As usual Nicki's timing, having Noel when I was there in town, is typical of her incredibly loving nature.

End of Reprint: (The original blog is a longer and a more detailed account of the evening Noel was born. You can read it by clicking here....But now we fast forward to 2016)

Background:

Family myth has it that the very same Dunka Day has in some way (unknowingly) frightened several generations of kids with his humor and or tricks.  Speaking from Dunka Day's point of view it could be considered entertaining or practicing his act while babysitting though the years.

  

💥 Noel, my great niece, turns four years old today.

Yesterday Nicki, Noel's mother, sent me this text: 

Easier to read:

 Oh!  There's something else I've been meaning to tell you for awhile. Your influence on the little ones continues even from afar. Noel has this new thing she's been doing for a couple months now. Anytime she does something that makes us correct her or say don't do it that way, do it this way she responds with " well uncle jay said I could do it like that" or " uncle jay taught me to do it like that when I was a little baby. He said it was ok". It's never anything really bad, it's just funny how she tries to argue about it and invoke your name. We struggle not to get caught laughing constantly. 

So... I can proudly say, I've DONE MY JOB!

Carpe Opus Dunka

As you were,

Jay

In the Proximity of Racism....

It happened quite innocently. I stepped into the grocery store to pick up a couple of items.This particular market does not have a self check out line but it does have a "10 items or less" aisle. I only had three items so I went directly there.

A couple of people were ahead of me in line, but I wasn't paying much attention, just waiting my turn. What caught my eye was a publication on the magazine rack featuring a picture of Donald Trump.  I never purchase those magazines but I do like to gawk at the headlines just to see what sensational gossip is up for sale.  

My hands were full so I didn't reach for the magazine but did lean in to read the fine print.  A middle aged man came up behind me to wait his turn.  He saw me looking at Trumps picture and he said," That Trump, he's something, isn't he?" 

Now I am not much for small talk in a grocery store line.  I try to be polite but I really don't want to get into any sort of real conversation especially with this guy.  He was the age of one who could have been a SOAP watcher.  Especially when I am on a quick trip to the market I really don't want to be "recognized".  I know every performer and actor yearns to be famous and get recognized, but having experienced some of that in my career, it is not what it's cracked up to be.  Here is the truth.  The people you would love to talk to in that situation are the very ones who are polite enough to know this is not the time nor the place.  Those who see you as an object from television are the ones who have no sense of personal space nor an understanding of your discomfort. 

So when the guy behind me says something about the magazine I am staring at, I give monosyllabic answers so as not to engage, but still be polite.  In this case his statement, "That Trump, he's something," was vague enough to answer with a neutral position.  I simple said, "He certainly is."

In a perfect world at that moment the checker would have scanned my purchases and I would have been gone. It is not a perfect world.

The lady ahead of me had more than ten items. It was not an excessive overage but more than the rest of the people in line.  Because of this it was taking longer than usual in the express lane. The man behind me began to grumble.  Directed at me but loud enough for everyone in the area to hear he said, "Well it looks like someone can't read." There were glances at the man from several corners of customer's eyes.  He continued. "Perhaps the sign should have been written in Spanish." It was then that I realized the lady ahead of us was Latina.  The guy continued, "Maybe it is not a reading problem but a math problem, didn't they teach you to count? When you came over here for a free education, didn't you even try to learn?"

As she is paying the man sort of taps me on the arm, buddy style and says, "That's why we're voting for Trump right. Get that wall up and keep these people out of here. Make America Great again for Americans." 

The lady turned as she was leaving and gave a look. It was a sad, angry, screw you look that seemed to include me, because she assumed I knew him and was  of a like mind.  Legal, illegal, native born or immigrant , it didn't matter what her real status of citizenship is.  She was insulted by some ignorant, judgmental  ass hole because of her ethnicity.  I didn't like being associated with that attitude, even in error.  I wanted to run out and appologise to her or let her know in some way that I was not in lock step with that attitude, but she was long gone. I missed my chance forever.   She may have forgotten it by now, but I have not.

I am not a Trump supporter and if this guy's personality is typical of his base, then the country is going backwards with this campaign.  

As you were,

Jay

Second Hand Depression

"Just snap out of it. Look at your life. Look around. Think of all the good things you have," said a well meaning friend to a man with the rope around his neck.  As the man inched closer to the edge of the chair he was standing on, the friend continued.

"Think about the people who don't have half the things you have.  You can be sad that you don't have the best shoes, but think of the person with no feet." 

The man wearing the rope collar thought about it for a moment. The chair wobbled but did not tip over. Why would this analogy cheer him up? His depression had led him to the edge of his life; to think that there was even more suffering in the world meant there was a state of existence even further down than his own. Why not end it now before life took his feet as well? He did not respond to the friend's admonition but closed his eyes and lowered his head as if to more intently listen. 

"Today is first day of the rest of your life.  There is so much more for you to do. All those bad times are past. Tomorrow is a new day."

With that the man opened his eyes and slowly took the rope from around his neck. He carefully and purposefully stepped off the chair and stood facing his friend. 

"There you go. See life is really not that bad, it's all in the way you look at it. I think very soon you will see that this depression of yours is just a passing bad mood.  I predict that you will start to feel better right away." 

Suddenly and with purpose the man balled up his fist and fueled a round house punch that struck the friend very hard in the face momentarily knocking him lifelessly to the floor.

"You're right," the man said,"I do feel a little better."

Try and tell a person with stage four cancer that it is all in the way they see their disease. Get over it and think of the people who are in stage five of their cancer? If a depressive could have empathy for someone else at the moment of their despair they would not be depressed. The emotion you are telling them to experience is the very one they are unable to express.  You can not see the light if you are unable to open your eyes. 

It is bad enough that the entire world is stressing the negative aspects of humanity right now. Trash talking everything from religion, to ethnic groups,  to government, to scandal to how much a person sweats. It is a constant 24/7 stream of nonsense, only interrupted by commercials for medications to make something better; better if you do not suffer the laundry list of complications that can be worse than the problem. There is, however,  no pill that can make the insanity of what passes for news go away. 

They always say the same thing about a mass murderer. "No one knows what made him/her snap." Really, we don't know? Read all the Facebook posts to your news feed for a couple of days or turn on the television and stream CNN and Fox News for a day or two. It will make you feel mad, then fearful and eventually hopelessly numb.  If you have the brain chemistry that some of us have you might continue on to anxiety, depression, suicide or possibly murder.  A lot of people disregard the evidence that we humans are causing global climate change,  so how can we ever get them to believe that humans are also creating a mental climate change as well.  Pollution of the information highway causing aggression and rage? surely that can't be.

2015 was the hottest year in recorded history. What about violence and crime?

"If you live in Baltimore, you know that last May, with 43 homicides, was the deadliest month since 1972. Or if you are a Houstonian, you've probably heard that murders were up 45% through April compared to the same period in 2014.

The latest statistics in Milwaukee show a 103% spike in murders year-to-date compared with a year ago. In Atlanta, 41 people were killed in the first five months of this year compared with 27 in the same period last year, an increase of 52%.

The spike in killings in these major cities would be troubling in itself at any time, but it is especially troubling now, when policing practices, race and social policies are regularly in the news. "     

Stop telling me it is all in my head. Stop telling me I'm better off than some. Stop telling me to just get over it.  Perhaps you should just STOP TELLING ME... anything. The "second hand opinions" are killing some of us quicker than tobacco smoke.  

As you were,

Jay 

And the Award goes...

In the past the Academy Awards Ceremony has been a much bigger deal at the Johnson house.  This may be one of the first times in family history we have not had a viewing party to go to or friends over to watch.  I have even babysat with the boys watching their Mother perform on the Academy Awards Show night in years past. And there was a time we kept with our friends children on Academy Awards night when those very friends were in the audience to receive an Academy Award. But not this year. 

At an unrelated party the night before we, along with our friends, all decided that this year we would chill and do our own thing for the evening.  That is exactly what Sandi and I did.  We opened a bottle of champagne and watched together.  I didn't even bother to bring out the traditional dumb bell.

Those who have not watched an awards show with me in the past may not be familiar with my tradition of manning the awards dumb bell. At the risk of a "stinging on line judgement" I will attempt an explanation.

It might surprise you to know that I have an opinion about most everything especially award shows. In the comfort of my own home and among friends I do not hesitate to express those opinions. Although cathartic for me it is a real distraction to those around me trying to watch the show. After years of complaints I have come up with a compromise that seems to work. At least it has saved my marriage.

The solution: The Dumb Bell.  The dumb bell is a generic desk bell like you would find on the counter of a retail store. You slap it with the palm of your hand and it rings. This bell is placed on the coffee table between the screen and the couch before the Awards show starts.  As the evening progresses rather than make comments on things that are happening during the show I ring the bell in honor of a "dumb" statement or event that happens. Thus it is referred to as the Dumb Bell. With this method I can register my complaint or opinion with little distraction to those also watching. And although I am not the only one who is allowed to express themselves in this manner, I seem to be the major user.  

There have been times when the traditional dumb bell has mysteriously vanished prior to some event. I have always been able to find it's hiding place before it is actually needed. (In truth I have an extra stashed away "just in case" that happens).

But alas I did not even feel the need to prepare the Dumb bell for last nights ceremony.  Chris Rock was funny,  and although the point needed to be made, the racial diversity subject became a little long in the tooth before the evening was up and it was not as edgy as hinted at the week before.  

My favorited Chris Rock joke was at the expense of Jada Smith.  "Jada Smith.... how can you boycott something that you weren't even invited to. It would be like me boycotting Beyonce's panties... I wasn't invited in." 

Louis CK was funny presenting the documentary short subject Oscar. He rightly pointed out that it would be the only Oscar that would go home in a Toyota. 

Sara Silverman... I very often don't get her and last night was one of those times. 

And once again Sandi reconfirmed that I would get a pass if I ever got to spend time with Charlize Theron.   

I suppose I should be grateful for the 3 and a half hour distraction from the circus of the political race. Unfortunately the dumb bell idea does not work for politics, it would simply be ringing all the time.

As you were,

Jay

"ANYTHING you say..."

It is a paragraph of just six sentences and most everyone knows it by heart.  It is called the Miranda Warning or your Miranda Rights.  We all know what it implies and what it means from watching most every television cop show produced since 1966. 

For me the most important part of that paragraph is the phrase "Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law."  CAN AND WILL.  Not MIGHT or if relevant COULD, can and will. 

My all time favorite movie screenplay is "My Cousin Vinny". There is not a moment of dialogue in that script that doesn't belong. Every word, however seemingly unimportant, leads us to the final conclusion.  If you have forgotten the plot, a couple of kids are wrongly charged with the murder of a convenience store clerk.  They think they have been detained because they forgot to pay for a can of tuna at the same store. Thinking that he is being interrogated for that petty crime, Ralph Machio's character, William Gambini is explaining what happened.  His story ends when he accidentally walks out of the store with the tuna can. 

The local policeman then says, "So that's when you shot the clerk."

In confusion of what he has just heard Gambini says, "I shot the clerk?"

The cop confirms with a look. 

In total disbelief Gambini tries to clarify, "I shot... The clerk?"

The policeman nods in the affirmative and one more time Gambini tries to understand and says,

"I.... Shot the clerk?" It is then that William Gambini realizes this is not about a can of tuna.

Later at the trial the prosecution asks the police to read Gambini's statement. With the cold recollection of courtroom testimony, the policeman reads this: "I ask him if that is when he shot the clerk.  He replied 'I shot the clerk.  I shot the clerk. I shot the clerk.' " ANYTHING you say, CAN AND WILL be used against you in a court of law.

If the FBI prevails in this iPhone dispute you can expand that to mean "Anything you text, tweet, like, chat, share, comment on, delete, friend, unfriend or buy with your Apple Pay, CAN and WILL be used against you in a court of law.  Unfortunately you will not have the right to remain silent because the ANYTHING will be retroactively stored on what you thought was a private iPhone. 

The FBI is trying to minimize their demands by saying it's just one iPhone.  It's just one terrorist and the fear of another terror attack is greater than every one's right to privacy.  They want to make it seem as if this is a bank safe deposit box and they need a key to see what is inside.  That court order is made all the time. Difference is in the case of a safe deposit box the key will only fit one box, not the whole vault's worth.  What the FBI is asking to have, in the iPhone case, is a key to every deposit box at the bank in question as well as every other box in every other bank world wide.  

Oh, Jay... But if you have done nothing wrong why would you care if the government can have access to your private stuff? Because the very government I grant access to my privacy also has the ability  to change what is legally right and wrong. It happens all the time. Sears used to sell hypodermic needles filled with heroin through the mail before it was declared illegal. Day before prohibition a bartender was just a merchant selling beer, the next day he was a criminal. 

If I have the "right to remain silent" my iPhone should have a similar protection.  

As you were,

Jay

Apple vs. FBI

It is very complicated. But we have to get this one right.

I am a loyal fan and consumer of Apple products. For a while I had a independent contractor relationship with Apple and think they are ahead of the curve in most areas of technology. So it is not surprising that I would stand with Tim Cook in his refusal to create a back door into the iPhone. This places me in the minority of public opinion of most people believing that Apple should comply with the request of the FBI.  The one thing I am certain of, as a friend of mine said yesterday, "In a fight between the government and Tim Cook,  I believe Tim Cook is the smartest guy in the room." 

There are a few things that make this case different from the usual "search warrant" the government uses to negate your right to privacy.  It is a slippery slope and a Pandora's box if opened.  Once again the "government" is using fear of the unknown enemy to compromise our rights. The influence I have over this debate is non-existent, it won't matter which party or candidate I support because this is not an issue anyone gets to vote on.  I am simply an observer watching.  As futile as the process is I would feel worse if I kept it to myself. 

First, there is no back door to an iPhone. Apple is being asked to invent something that doesn't exist. The government is assuming that Apple programmers are so good that they can just write a few lines of code in a couple of days that will open up an iPhone. (For 30 years they have been writing Apple code to prevent that very thing from happening.)  If it were that easy to do, then the terrorist hackers would already have done it.  So, what if they can't do it? What if Apple tries its best but there is just no way to accomplish that task?  Will the government send the entire company to jail for contempt?

  

Of course the FBI is demanding this be done on the huge assumption that there is "something" inside that phone that is useful. This is not a game of Clue and the iPhone the black envelope, there is no surety that anything but cat photos exists inside that phone.  Remember it was the FBI who spent thousands of dollars and many days searching a lake for the terrorist's hard drive that they "assumed" was dumped there. After all that time and money, the hard drive wasn't there. 

But this is not as benign as the useless search of a lake. The FBI director says (in a tweet), that it was only this phone that they are asking unlocked (with a  key that doesn't exist by a door that isn't there).This key would only be used once? That secret will be safe? Look how well we were able to protect the secret of nuclear weapons from the wrong hands. He is either naive, stupid or trying to deceive us.  Once that door is built and a key made, anyone can use it at anytime on any iPhone anywhere for any reason.  There is only a question of who would use that back door quicker, the corporate advertisers or the fanatical terrorists. 

Let's assume this iPhone had been completely destroyed, and the terrorist captured alive. We could assume there must be some helpful information that the FBI would want locked inside this terrorist's head. So how do we get to it? What is the code, the hack, the backdoor to his brain that we can use to get at that information.  There is none.  That has never stopped governmental over reach. We now know that our own government has used torture and "enhanced" interrogation techniques in the past to try to open that back door into a terrorist's mind.  It was a dismal failure and created more harm than information.

Here is the bottom line. The smart phone is not simply a communication device. As we use it more and more, it becomes "hard storage" for our minds.  I don't even have my Mom's phone number in my brain anymore, my iPhone stores it for me... I just tap her picture when I want to phone her. My personal iPhone has bank account numbers, credit card numbers, personal thoughts, personal communications and a lot of other stuff that used to exist only in my brain.  There is no question that America places great value on the private personal thoughts and feelings of every individual. Sure it would give us all more safety if the government could "hack into" a serial killers brain and arrest him before he commits a crime. Why not ask Pfizer or GlaxoSmithKline or Abbot Labs to create a pill or an implant that gives the FBI the ability to see what's inside some one's mind? They only want to use it for "one person" they think might do something dangerous.  They are not asking to "unlock" every one's mind. After all it is only going to be used to keep us safer.  For this little bit of safety we give up all the privacy of personal thoughts in our mind.  Being able to think any thoughts I want to in the privacy of my own mind is human freedom and transcends any creed, religion, government or philosophy.   

This may sound like a stretch, but in a world that grows with exponential technology making Apple create a back door and magic key to a personal iPhone is the first step in taking away that very human Freedom.  

As you were,

Jay

How about an American?

I have resisted blogging about current events for the last few weeks.  Until this weekend there was nothing to comment on except this never-ending Presidential race.  I am even more convinced that we should adopt Germany's rules for elections.  In German elections, the candidates only get 6 weeks to campaign before voting, so there can be no marathon campaigns that cost fortunes.  I would even be willing to stretch that to 3 months, but the year and a half we endure here in America is simply wasteful and disruptive. I am ready for Facebook to go back to posting pictures of food and kittens, instead of mean spirited political memes.

Don Scalia

But then over the weekend at a ranch in Texas the game changed.  The judicial Don of the privileged class, the consigliere of the right wing, longest serving Supreme Court Justice and some might argue the man who gave George W. Bush the 2000 Presidency, Antonin Scalia died. 

He was the first Italian American appointed to the high court, and looked, to me, more like a defendant than a judge. In an alternate universe he could have been a gangster with a nickname like Icepick or the Bull and been more notorious, but instead he became a Reagan appointee to the Supreme Court.

I understand he had a great sense of humor and when not talking about politics, religion, or social issues could be socially engaging. He drank and partied at private outings with the 1% which is what he was doing the day he died.  

He became famous for his "originalist" interpretation of the Constitution. I think everyone is agreed that the founding Fathers "original" concept of the Supreme Court was to be completely separate and independent from the politics of the other two branches of Government. As a judge Scalia's writings were clear, easily read, and understood. In a right leaning court he was usually the one who wrote the majority opinion. I can't say I ever agreed with his constitutional opinions, which trended toward racism, homophobia, and the blurring of separation between Church and State. It's obvious that the independence of the Supreme Court has been severely compromised in the last 30 years.   

I am not a legal scholar but it seems to me a "constitutional originalist" has very much in common with a person who takes the Bible literally. I think for these two documents to maintain their connection to modern times they must grow to include ideas and advancements that did not exist when they were originally written.  

But Scalia is no longer a member of the Supreme Court so all this is moot.

Now the government has a job to replace Judge Scalia so that decisions can't end in a 4 to 4 tie. Republicans have vowed they will not let a replacement be seated while Obama is President.  The reason is obvious, they do not want a liberal judge to be seated and upset the conservative majority they have enjoyed for decades. The Democrats want a liberal judge appointed and the Republicans want a conservative appointed and it looks like neither side will compromise. This is the issue and the problem as I see it.

We are a nation of differences.  "We the People" have different religions, different ethnic backgrounds and different political parties but "We the people" stand together in one singular group called Americans. The Supreme Court is supposed to be the "independent, non-religious, non-political mediator" of what the constitution defines as American.  To that end we should look for the most intelligent mind  in a person who will consider the evidence presented, leaving all petty personal opinions out of the discussion and decide what is best for America and Americans.  No Supreme Court Judge should be the poster boy (or girl) for any special interest subgroup or political party. 

When called for jury duty and during the selection process the presiding Judge will address every personal conflict a juror might have with an admonition that goes something like, "do you think you can set your feelings aside,  look at the evidence presented in this court objectively and come to a conclusion based solely upon the evidence you hear?"  Why is that the standard expected of me for a week's worth of jury duty and not for a Supreme Court Judge who is appointed to that duty for life? 

I would hope and pray that the Senate and the President appoint neither a Democrat nor a Republican, Conservative nor Liberal nor Deacon to sit on the court. We need a person not affiliated with a political party, special interest, religion nor sect of any kind.  We need to say to that person, "can you set your feelings aside,  look at the evidence presented in this court objectively and come to a conclusion based solely upon the evidence you hear?" 

How about a brilliant American with no other identifying tags to become a Supreme Court Judge for the rest of their life? 

As you were,

Jay

Wearing A Career on Your Sleeve...

Recently I was sitting in the audience to see a friend and fellow performer do a show.  The MC, also a friend, gave me a shout out from the stage.  He simply said, "We are pleased to have Tony Award Winner, Jay Johnson in the house."  I gave a little wave to the MC. That used to be all there was to this process.

With humility and contrition I admit that this is not a rare phenomenon.  I have been honored to get a shout out from stage at some notable performances.  Several are clearly cherished moments in my memory.  Ann Margret had me stand up and take a bow at one of her Caesars Palace Las Vegas Shows. That was wonderfully unbelievable.  On another occasion Wayland Flowers, actually Madame herself,  had me take a bow at one of his Vegas shows. Madame said to the crowd that only She and I knew that my puppet Bob had a "little tiny weenie". In those days it was exciting and fun.

So being introduced from the stage is not new to me, but it has become a new experience in this high tech world. 

At this last event the guy sitting next to me said, "You won a Tony?"  The tone in his voice turned skeptical when he added "for what?" I told him it was a show I had written for myself called "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only".  I am very good at phrasing answers in a way that ends a conversation I don't wish to continue. This was one of those times.

As my friend took the stage, the man sitting next to me was ignoring the performance, completely engrossed in his iPhone.  A couple of people were giving him the stink eye being annoyed by the light from his screen.  I was ready to say something when I looked over and saw my picture on his phone.  Then I saw the Playbill logo and a New York review.  He had "googled" me and my show. When he saw that I was aware of this fact he turned his phone off.

That should have been the end of it but it wasn't.

A few minutes into my friends show the guy turns to me and says this: "So you were only on Broadway for three months and the investors didn't get paid back, but you won a Tony... I get it."

The tone of his voice was definitely condescending. It was a rhetorical question. There is no satisfying answer.   I was uncomfortable sitting next to him for the rest of the show.  At the end, I shuffled out quickly so I would have no more interaction with this guy.  

In the days before instant meaningless information, this guy would have waited till he got home to "research" my career,  assuming he still remembered my name or the name of my show.  By then it would be too late for him to make a personal comment to my face. But because of modern social media, the actual social contact was sour.  This interaction bothered me.  I tried to let it go and move on but was not successful. I was there to see a friend. I was not there to get personally reviewed by a guy who obviously considered my Tony some sort of consolation prize.

It isn't just me, it is happening to people all the time.  An actor friend was at the airport when he "got googled" by a guy waiting for the same plane.  The guy found a 30 year old publicity picture of my friend on line and said, "Wow you have really changed." And shared the old picture on his Smart phone to the others around him.  My friend got up and left rather than hit the guy in the face.

In this virtual society of shares, likes and comments it would seem that everything needs an opinion. Most of the time that is not true nor is it necessary.

We all have the right to our own opinions, and there is nothing wrong with having a contrary thought, but with that right is also the responsibility to keep it to ourselves.  A personal comment to some stranger's face that can be taken as an insult is always rude. Until people learn basic civilized polite ways to interact they should not be allowed to use this powerful tool called the Internet. 

To sum up, "What you think of me is none of my business, so keep it to yourself."  I will only entertain opinions from those who have earned my respect. If you earn that respect, I will ask for your opinion. Absent that, get on with your life and let me do the same. I am sure others feel the same way.

As you were,

Jay

Not Political

Donald Trump feels that although he is one of the richest men in the world he does not have the respect of the World leadership.  To further his Presidential hopes he wants to get some sort of endorsement from a respected world leader.

With Pope Francis visiting Mexico, Trump decides to make a last ditch effort to meet with him before the New Hampshire Primary.  So Donald takes the Trump Jet to Mexico.

Trump finds out which hotel the Pontiff is staying but because of Vatican security he cannot get an appointment with the Pope nor will they even let Trump into the hotel.

Not to be deterred, Donald Trump waits outside the hotel with the thongs of people waiting to catch a glimpse of the Holy Father.  

The Pope exits the hotel finally and heads for his pope mobile.  He waves to the crowd as Donald Trump jumps up and down trying to get his attention, but to no avail.  The Pope sees a homeless man off to himself in battered clothes, worn out shoes sitting up against a wall. The Pope leaves the cluster that surrounds him and goes over to the homeless man. He puts his arm around the homeless man's shoulder and whispers something into his ear.  Then he gets into the pope car and drives off.

Trump is disappointed but starts to analyse the event.  He thinks to himself, "The Pope doesn't want to meet with me, Donald Trump the billionaire. He is the people's Pope and wants to comfort his flock."  

So as the crowd thins Trump goes over to the homeless man and says, "Listen, I know you don't have a home so I will buy you a house if you will give me those shoes.  And I know you need money so I will buy that torn jacket and those worn out pants for $200,000.00, and you can have my pastel tie, my shoes, shirt and this suit... What do you say?"  The man agrees and the two men exchange money and clothing.

The next day the Pope comes out of the hotel ready for his day of service.  The crowd is just a big as it was the day before and as Pope Francis looks around he sees Donald Trump off to himself in battered clothes and worn out shoes sitting up against a wall.  The Pope breaks away from the crowd and goes  up to what looks like the homeless man he spoke to the day before.  Pope Francis puts his arm around Trump's neck and whispers in his ear,

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the fuck out of here." 

Not a true story, yet.

As you were,

Jay

Thanks KAX.....

I just got back from KAX 3.0,  a conference where nobody talked about politics, religion nor the economy.  The gathering did not divide along lines of Democrat, Republican nor Reactionary, nor was there a distinction between Catholic, Jew or Buddhist. The only lines of definition were, Magician, Ventriloquist, Clown, Puppeteer and Balloon Artist, and even those labels were fuzzy.  Some in the group could claim membership in each category.  The concerns at this gathering were: how to become more creative and how to find more ways to express that creativity.

KAX is a place where imagination and artistry is discussed and deconstructed as much as one can quantify such abstracts.  The attendees have a wonderful respect for the masters of these variety arts and honor the elders who have gone before. The attendees are there to learn from performers who have "been there and done that". 

In the three days I did not turn on the hotel television once, and totally missed the Republican Debate. There was really no time to dissect social media, I was too busy talking to people who hear the same drum beat as me.  I quickly learned that this political firestorm which seems to be consuming the nation is really nothing more than a very bad television reality show.  The disgust that has been burning me up for the last few weeks is not internal combustion.  I have just been standing too close to a manufactured, man made (and televised) fire.  

Recently I have taken a few hits to my blog editorials as being too political and me personally for hating Republicans.  I realize now how easy it is to become trapped in the whirlpool of a 24/7 political news and think there is nothing else going on.  

After spending some time with "my tribe" at KAX, I realize that I have recently devoted too many blog posts to politics. My blog is called "The World is a Stage" and for awhile I was lulled into a stupor that this national Political Farce was the only production currently running on the world stage.  It is not, and with a little perspective I can see the tempest in a teapot is a ratings driven provocation - not a mature reflection of its importance.  

However, to the person who accused me of hating Republicans, that statement is not accurate. I don't hate Republicans, I hate hypocrisy, liars and those who try to gain power by fear and panic.   Those are not the exclusive qualities of any political party nor religious sect. I will disagree with principles of exclusion and hate no matter what label they are given, be it a religion or political party. Unfortunately in a desperate attempt to retake the Executive Branch it is the Republican Party that has decided to use division, hatred and fear as avenues to that power.  To paraphrase Shakespeare "a hater by any other name would still stink".  

And one other statement in regard to that accusation; to disagree is not the same as to hate, and to compromise is not the same as defeat.  Statesmanship used to be a process of working closely with those you disagreed with to find a common ground on which to stand. The politics of both parties has forgotten that this is the job of an elected official. They should attempt to represent America and all Americans, not just their party and their favorite lobbyist.  

So thank you Mark Daniel and Steve Axtell for inviting me to KAX 3.0. My prayer is that this idea of artists coming together for the common good will continue to grow in attendance and importance. For me it was the perfect antidote to the poisoned rhetoric of our national conversation right now.  Perhaps if the haters of the world would make the effort learn a couple of balloon ties, they would have less time to hate. Perhaps we need more "Poly Tricks" and less politics. 
As for me... I'm working on a balloon poodle right now. 

As you were,

Jay