Good Bye Joe

He always seemed to be wearing that same salmon colored sports jacket when he walked down 45th Street in New York.  There was no mistaking that purposeful  aging New Yorker stride or the semi neon jacket of Joe Franklin.

Joe Franklin

I knew who Joe Franklin was long before I knew there was a real person behind the icon.  Billy Crystal used to do a "spot on" impression of Joe in a sketches on Saturday Night Live.  Later when I found myself in New York City watching television late at night, I discovered Joe Franklin.

He was host of a very low budget local talk show appropriately named The Joe Franklin Show. He was a local cult radio/television star who managed to get major celebrities and not so major on his show to promote most anything. Every comic could do an impression of Joe Franklin and there were no end to the stories about him. He was short and spoke in a sort of Jackie Mason staccato cadence.

I remember once after the show (Jay Johnson: The Two and Only) at the Atlantic Theatre off Broadway, they told me that Joe Franklin was in the audience. They said he would like to say hello.  I jumped at the chance to meet him.  I also knew that he could promote the show on radio and television if he liked it.

He was there with three other people much younger than himself.  I could not tell if they were relatives, assistants or keepers.  They seemed to run herd on him and led the introductions.

"Jay, This is Joe Franklin"

"Nice to meet you Mr. Franklin, I am a long time fan."

"Please, Call me Joe."

"Okay, Joe....

Joe focused on me and drew in a breath like he was about to say something really important.

"Jay, I just got back from Atlantic City and have sort of an allergy.  I took an antihistamine just before your show.  I fell asleep and didn't see much.  But I am looking forward to seeing it on Broadway some day."

The others in the group, who had stayed awake,  chimed in and were very kind with their remarks about the show.  I was being as humble as I could when as if hit by a shot of red bull in the veins Joe sparked.  He pointed his finger at me and said,

"The Best Ventriloquist act I ever saw..."

Although I remembered he said he was asleep during my show, a very contrite thank you was just forming on my lips, but Joe barely took a pause.

"The best..... Paul Winchell at the Latin Quarter in 1958"

It was as if he was answering a question on a quiz show and the conversation stopped. He smiled like he won the round, said his goodbyes and left.

That is the last time I actually spoke to Mr. Franklin.  He died this week at the age of 88.  I hope the first thing he did  in heaven was to find Paul Winchell and tell him.

Rest in Peace, Joe

As you were,

Jay

False Perspective

After the Charlie Hebdo murders two weeks ago the dialogue has morphed slightly from support of free speech to blame.  Even Pope Francis, who has been more in touch than other Popes, seemed to point blame at the cartoonists themselves.  After condemning the violence and murder he said that if someone insulted his mother they should expect to be punched.  That statement by the Pope seems to imply "they had it coming." 

Insults, slander and liable are not covered by freedom of speech. Hate speech and essays that insight violence can in no way be considered a freedom or a right.  But were the cartoons of Charlie Hebdo insults? Were they slander? Or were they humorous satire and parody? Knowing the difference may be what separates us from animals. 

Humor is a uniquely human trait. No other species has developed the concept of humor.  That sound that a hyena makes is not laughter, although to humans it sounds like it, that sound is a call of violence. It signals either danger or dominance, not fun and games. 

Many species as well as humans play when they are young and while playing is similar to humor and  comedy it is not the same. When a pack of cubs begin to play it is not a frivolous game, it is rehearsal in a safe environment for actions they will need to survive later.  They learn working together, hunting, dominance and the social interactions of the pack. They play in preparation for actions they will need in dangerous situations later.

Human children learn from play. In a safe situation they learn that their actions have consequences.  They stretch their conceptual powers and logic through play. They learn where the boundaries are and how to interact with their peers and parents.  Play comes naturally but humor and comedy are very complicated and highly developed traits of communication restricted to humans.  It is one of the last things a developing human being learns and it totally immersed in specific language. 

When two chimps meet in the jungle and feel threatened they show their teeth and make loud noises. If one is not immediately submissive they fight, sometimes to the death. Humans have risen above this ritual because we have humor, comedy, parody and satire.  Unless the threat is physical we use humor to deal with our differences. We show our teeth but perceive it as a smile and make noises which we accept as laughter. 

Sigmund Freud did a cursory look at humor and found every joke had an element of hostility embedded in it.  Comedy writers will tell you that if you can not think of something funny, think of something that is irritating or makes you mad... then turn that into humor.  

Humor, satire and parody help us look at a divisive situation in third person.  We objectify the issue or problem in an absurd way and laugh at it.  In that way we  deal with it on an impersonal level. In a perfect human world we defuse hostility by laughing at the issue rather than fighting to the death as chimps do in the jungle.  

So back to Charlie Hebdo and their capitol crimes against Islam. If seen through the eyes of rationality it might be observed that  Charlie was not insulting the religion of Islam. They were not berating the beliefs of the religion, they were pointing out the absurdity of dogma. Dogma is the foe of any religion.  Dogma is someone in power telling you "What" to think rather than "how" to think; dogma is a suppression of  the chance to think for yourself.   Charlie Hebdo cartoonists pointed out with humor, satire and parody the absurdity of certain dogmas that even Muslims agree are not part of the religion or the Koran.  They have done the same with Christianity, and Judaism.  And not just religion, they were the court jesters of government, politics and any other repression of freedom that is forced on a group of people.    

So by killing the cartoonist the extremist prove they are more animal than human.  Jihadists are soldiers of Dogma and Jihadist exist in every religion.  I offer the Westboro Baptist Church, the bombing of abortion clinics, the killing of abortion doctors, the Klu Klux Klan, the Inquisition and the Crusades as proof.  I'm sure I have missed a few examples. 

I regret that I am not talented enough to make this post humorous.  There will be those who take offense either way, but if I could have made you laugh about this situation even once, it would be perceived in the way I intended.  

I was unfriended by several people when I posted "Je Suis Charlie" a week ago.  That is fine with me. If Facebook friends do not know who I am and what I stand for,  how could they think they were my friend.  

"AmGod" spelled backwards is "Dogma". Going backwards is the death of all philosophy and is the devil in religion. 

As you were,

Jay

The Missing Instructions

I am beginning to think that everything that I"ve learned about life up until now is wrong. To give myself a break, the things I have learned are not necessarily wrong, maybe just irrelevant now.
Life does not stay the same and changes in an expential way.  What we had to deal with growing up was 10 times greater than our parents and our kids are facing things that are changing a hundred times faster.  It is the nature of existence to change.  If we do not change with it we become irrelevant.  I can bury my head in the sand and refuse to admit the change or try and  keep up.

When I was in college I took a Basic computer programing class. It was the first time North Texas University had even offered such a course. It was a beginning class and the language was called Basic. A  Basic program that would add two and two required a dozen punch cards.  These cards would be typed by hand on a punch card machine and delivered to the computer center. It was the time before personal computers and there was only one computer on campus. During the day the computer was used by the math and science departments; they would run the student programs at night.  The next day I would get the results. Unless it was perfect the first time, I would get a printed page of error messages.  I would then have to correct the errors by punching new cards, submitting them again and waiting 24 hours.  My program to add two plus two took me a week using this arcane procedure.  That method exists only in the dark ages of technology today.

However, there is one thing I learned that is still part of computer programing even today. It involves how the computer makes a decision.  It is called the "If then else loop".  Simply put, when the computer encounters a fork in the programing road it relies on the "if then else loop".

If a programer wants the computer to find a specific sequence out of a group of data the programer instructs the computer to look at the information presented.  "IF" it is the information wanted "THEN" that information is used in a specific way.   If it is not the information wanted, "THEN" it proceeds to "ELSE" which is another direction to repeat looking or perform some other function. It becomes complex when "if then else loops" are imbedded within other "if then else loops". Like a sail boat sailing into the wind, the imbedded "if then else loops"  keep changing the direction of the function in a zig zag path to the final result.  There is an interesting lesson to this type of decision making that humans can learn from.

When a human brain wants to make a decision the path is usually not so clear.  Instead of the "If Then Else" loop, humans tend to go with a "What if" loop. At the juncture of a decision the human brain tends to analyze what "Might" happen "IF" the path is taken.  What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't have all the information? What if I take the wrong path? What if... What if.  There is a never ending list of "what if" possibilities standing in the way of most human decisions. As the human imagination comes into play the "what if"  list can stop the decision cold because there are too many options to consider.

The process gets complex when the human brain embeds "What If" loops within "what if loops". For example, "What if this job goes well and they want me to move. What if this new place is somewhere that I don't want to live."  "What if I lose my job before this loan is paid back, what if I go broke and have to live in the street." The truth is 99.9% of the "what if" possibilities a human might consider will never, ever happen.

The advantage a computer has over a human brain is the ability to deal with a single decision only when it is presented and use only the data it is given.  The computer doesn't make a decision based upon all the things that might happen. The computer only looks at the information presented at the moment a decision is needed. When looking for a data sequence the computer doesn't think... What if the data is not even in this stack? What if I don't have the programing to use that information when I find it?  Instead, the computer simply knows, If this is the condition "Then" proceed until instructed to perform some other function.

The truth is we are not individual finite brains trying to make our way through an infinite sea of possibilities.  We are infinite Mind with an individual course through a sea of infinite expression. If we keep to that truth there are no wrong decisions.  Like a computer, when we get to the fork in the road, the infinite programer will provide us the path. What if it is a zig zag course and we seem to be going the wrong way for a moment? The next decision will correct the course. Because we are programed by infinite Mind.  We should never have to worry with "What If" thinking.  In the realm of the one infinite Mind it is always "If then Else."

Computing power has come a long way since the days of IBM punch cards. The average smart phone has one hundred thousand times more power than they used to send Americans to the moon. The Cray Super Computer at NASA in 1969 filled two rooms and had only 80 megabytes of storage.  Today the Facebook app on an iPhone requires 219 megabytes of storage. We rely on this instantaneous simulated intelligence almost every second of the day to make trillions of decisions on our behalf. Unfortunately we have not come very far in the use our spiritual infinite Mind intelligence which created this computing power to begin with.

Relying on the One Infinite Mind should be no more difficult than trusting our vacation to the GPS in our car.  Step by step the GPS is processing a continuing set of "IF THEN ELSE" loops eventually getting us to the place we want to go.  "IF" we make a wrong turn "THEN" the programing will tell us what to do next.

Infinite Mind can be relied upon as surely as  electrons racing around a silicon chip. Mind also never crashes nor needs to be recharged and the upgrades are seamless and ever evolving. And like the computer we don't have to fully understand how it works to receive the guidance and benefits of infinite Mind. All we need to do is rely on the fact that it IS and let IT show us the path.  

At the next moment of decision in your life don't waste time on imagining "what if". Rely on the GPS of infinite Mind. Know that you are programed by infinite intelligence and listen to that voice from the heart. Then...proceed knowing that it is the right moment to act. There is never a dead end to this guidance only the next path which will lead to the next when it is time. WHAT IF it was that easy?  IF... THEN we should use that incredible resource at every moment of our lives.

As you were,

Jay

A God who sanctions Murder?

I remember seeing a cartoon of Jesus standing in a crowd looking at a woman accused of adultery,  who had been pushed to the ground.  He says "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."  The next panel shows a rock hurling through the crowd and hitting the woman squarely in the face.  The third panel is Jesus looking at the crowd in disgust saying, "Mother will you just stay out of this."   It is comedy, it is satire, it is parody. The worst one could say about it is that it isn't funny.  Substitute Mohammad for Jesus and you have a crime against Islam punishable by death?

 When James Egan Holmes walked into a Colorado Theatre and opened fire on the crowd he was not doing it in the name of Allah. He was not looking for the 13 people he killed by name. He was not trying to set things right with Mohammad, he did not yell "God is Great" when he was finished. I'm not even sure Holmes can spell the word religion. He is just a homicidal, deranged mass murdering- Fuck.  

So, as outraged as I am that artists doing parody, comedy and satire were targeted and killed in the name of Islam,   I do realize that "deranged mass murdering fucks" exist in all religions. Timothy McVeigh was a card carrying Christian. Since there is no amateur video of him blowing up the Oklahoma Federal building, we don't know if he yelled "Thank You Jesus" as he lit the fuse. And it doesn't matter since he was not convicted for being an over zealous idiot; he was executed because he was a mass murdering fuck.  

I know the least about Islam of any religion.  I have never read the Koran, attended a Mosque nor do I even know which way Mecca is from Encino.  All I know is the propaganda and bullet points about the belief that follow crimes linked to Islamic extremist.  ie, "Muslims hate Jews and Christians and want all infidels dead."  or "In Islam you go directly to paradise if you kill in the name of Mohammad." I don't know if any of that is truly in the Koran or part of the actual practice of Islam.  

This is what I do know. No human concept of God is correct.  Any religion that portrays God as illogical, wrathful, vengeful or less than omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent is not  the Truth.  God is not a Christian, nor a Muslim, Jew, Rastafarian, Pentecostal, Morman or Frisbeetarian. God doesn't care if you wear beanies, burkas, prayer shawls, lipstick or special Mormon underware.  

God doesn't care if you dance, sing, do magic tricks, make puppets talk or draw funny cartoons. God doesn't care how you acknowledge Deity, be it, prayer, prose, preaching, kneeling, standing, rocking, bowing or yelling.  The relationship is individual and unique between you and God.  Like snowflakes no two expressions are the same.  

Perhaps the only hard and fast rule to Universal Deity is this:  Leave everyone to their own relationship with God.  If a religion requires followers to "convert" anyone else to "a way" or "save" them from another philosophy then that God is not God. Why would the omnipotent and omniscient need humans to correct the path of its own creation?  

How ever you experience it or acknowledge your own Spirituality do that. Make sure your own life is living up to your own belief system.  If the guy next door has a different way, and it does not impede your own study...leave him or her alone.  The only way you can effect another person is to live in such a way as to be an example of goodness.  

If your religion is telling you that you must do something about, or something to, those who do not believe the same, it is not a religion it is tyranny.   

God is good if anything. God is expression if anything.  God is freedom if anything, therefore God is Freedom of Expression.  Any sect, race, religion, government, state or gang that would restrict or kill the freedom to express can not be good. 

Keep drawing.... keep challenging... keep expressing art in whatever way you are called to express it. Keep your faith..... but keep it to yourself.  Human intelligence is not great enough to decide who is right or wrong. 

Je suis Charlie,

Jay

No Mental Majority

Pen and Ink sketch © Jay Johnson - 2011

I believe Mid-century Warner Brothers animated cartoons to be metaphors for life. Tex Avery, Chuck Jones and Robert McKimson are the prophets of a philosophy I like to call,  LooneyToonism. There is no church of Toonism but if there was I would probably attend.

My high school and early college afternoons were spent watching local television stations fill time with vintage Warner Brothers Cartoons.  They were vintage then, they are ancient history now. To some this might seem like a waste of study time.  But those cartoons taught me some important lessons in life.

Although cartoon characters are not bound by the laws of physics these acts are not considered miracles.  In most cases the law of physics are voided by ignorance.  If a cartoon character does not know he has run off the edge of a cliff, he will remain suspended in air until the realization that he is floating is totally comprehended.  Depending on the character it may take looking at the camera with a double take of fear and the disgust  before gravity acts. At this point the cartoon character will fall.

This taught me the metaphysics of mental mind practice.  As long as I do not contemplate the reality of negativity I will remain unaffected by it.  More later on that chestnut.  

Another Toonism Tennant is how decisions are made.  Unseen, except to the person struggling with a decision, is a devil sitting on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  Each miniature cartoon argues for their way of dealing with the situation, whispering in each of the "decider's" ears.  Although the devil will attempt violence and humiliation to win, the angel only has the most righteous of motives.  

This taught me that the struggle between good and evil is not always a fair fight.  The devil wears a brighter color and speaks with more  street wisdom than the pale and profane angel.  Doing the wrong thing is usually more attractive, less risky and certainly seems like more fun.  In Toonism however, it is a 50/50 choice, with clearly different and distinctive paths.  

Because of what I do for a living there are more voices involved in my decisions than just good and evil.  For me there is a committee of voices each expressing a different opinion on the situation.   None of them professes to be good nor evil.  None is dressed in a white gown and halo and none is dressed in a red suit with horns.  Any one of them can express the highest or lowest values of outcome, and they can change positions with each new decision.  It makes the reality of these decisions much more difficult than Toonism teaches in this metaphor.

I suspect this is the way with most people. It would be a lot easier if decisions were just an matter of good and evil and we could clearly distinguish the two.  For me I have to listen to all the voices plead their cases and find a path.  It is also not a matter of taking a vote and the majority wins; it is a matter of coming to the best compromise. I am the one listening to this distraction.  I am the decider and the only one who will suffer the consequences or gain the benefit from the choice.  

But like all philosophies perhaps Toonism lessons do not stand alone.  It would be like taking one passage from the Bible or Koran or Book of Mormon and expect that to be all you need.  The lessons are interactive, cross-connected and must be taken as a total teaching not a random lesson.

Perhaps finding yourself at a point of decision in also like finding yourself standing off the edge of a cliff in Toonism.  The moment we start to contemplate the negative,  other forces take over... like gravity does. The trick would be to sort out the negative feelings and give them no reality.  If you are holding to the positive then it doesn't matter how many forms the negative takes nor how loud they yell.  

A child was asked by her Grandmother to weed the tomato plants.  "But" the child said, "there are so many kinds of weeds I won't know them all."  The Grandmother said, "All you need to know is what a tomato plant looks like and pull out all the others."

The Grandmother I am sure was a devout LooneyToonist.  

"Thu thee tha thi...the tha.... that's all folks"

As you were,

Jay

What Matters?

On almost every level of society we are divided these days.  Congress has been crippled from doing anything of substance  due to a polarization of "us" verses "them".  Religions preach a separation of our God vs. Their God, our beliefs from their beliefs. It appears that we are not trying to become inclusive but we are looking for ways to separate ourselves from others.  The biggest separation is between those who have power and those who don't.  Those who don't have it want to be part of the group that does have power.  Those in power certainly don't want to give away their power or even share it. 

Those in authority stay in authority by using their power over those who have neither power nor authority.  If the saying "absolute power corrupts absolutely" is true, then any slight abuse of power corrupts proportionally.  The latest version of "us vs. them" is being played out between local police departments and young black men. 

This is not a new problem but a very old one that has become acute in the last year.  I lived through the 1992 Rodney King riots in Los Angeles.  It was caused by a Los Angeles police department totally out of control and a group of people unrepresented, marginalized and oppressed to the breaking point.  Both groups over reacted with the wrong approach so there was anarchy and total failure of the system.  It was a very scary time in Southern California.  There was mass looting, fires in every part of the city and even shots fired at airplanes landing at LAX.  The oppressed group figured out the power structure could be overloaded and crippled by sheer numbers of incidents. The same tipping point  is happening in cities all over the country, only now we have instant social media to spread a movement like a grass fire.  The potential now is greater for a much bigger rebellion in today's world.

We have over worked police departments who have been armed with combat style equipment, but little training on how to defuse a situation without violence.  Police don't seem to know how to apportion violence. They seem to lack knowledge of what actions are appropriate and what actions are excessively violent.  When a child with a toy gun is shot multiple times by police two seconds after arrival at the scene, that is excessive violence.  A profession that allows excessive violence without impunity will surely attract the bullies of society. Cops claim that if people would just respect the uniform and comply with orders no one will get hurt.  At the same time they turn their backs in disrespect on their symbol of authority in New York City.  To get respect you have to know what it means.  

On the other side we have a gap between those who can afford legal representation and those who can't.  This inequity is divided absolutely along economic lines. If people believe they will be denied justice in a court of law, they will take the law into their own hands.   It is the recipe for revolution and violence.  What I am seeing now is people joining one side or the other, even dawning uniforms. 

Take for example these tee shirts appearing at rallies. It seems on the surface to be nothing but an over use of adjectives.  One side wants to remind us that Black Lives matter.  The "other side" wants to remind us that blue lives matter.  

Only adjectives separate us.  Take them away and you have a universal truth that everyone can agree on.  "Lives Matter", the truth is condition-less, no adjectives needed,  all lives matter.

 Human beings will always be more alike than they are different.  The differences are so superficial that they should not separate us but free us to be individuals with unique perspectives.  But as long as we see a black man, or a police man, or a hit man and not first the man with no adjectives, there will always be a division.  

When both sides start wearing Lives Matter tee shirts we will be at the beginning of a solution to this division.  Treat others the way you want to be treated regardless of any adjectives and we might just get through this life time.

As you were,

Jay

Happy New Year. Make it a good one.  

Of Course... it is NO PROBLEM

The Broadmoor Hotel and Resort in Colorado Springs is beautiful.  It is warm and traditional while being modern and efficient.  It is also among the friendliest hotels I have ever been too, Five star service with a friendly smile. The term "family" is used a lot, not just because that's the way they make you feel, but because so many employees have been there long enough to be considered family.  One generally gets the feeling that every member of the Broadmoor family is glad you are their guest.  There was, however, one thing that was  completely missing during my stay.

I have issues with the term "No Problem" used by service providers.  You ask a waitress if you can order a cup of coffee and a bagel, she says "No Problem".  You ask if you could get just a little cream, "No Problem."  Excuse me but could I get the check? "NO PROBLEM". It becomes a meaningless sound that no one listens to. Mostly it sends the wrong message to a person who is at that moment your client.  

Doing our job should never be just no problem. We should be glad someone is paying us to do it.  If it is a problem, find something else to do that is not a pain in the ass and do that.  The client is giving us money for our service. Why do we respond by saying that it is "no Problem".  Are we saying it's no problem for me to take money from you?  If the phrase has become meaningless that is all the more reason to stop using it.  I actually paid a restaurant bill in cash once.  The waiter said, "Do you need some change?"  I said, "No the rest is for you."  His response?  "NO PROBLEM".  

That was what was missing at the Broadmoor... "No Problem" I did not hear it even once.  When you asked for something the response was, "Of Course" or "absolutely".

"Could I order a cup of coffee and a bagel?"  the response was, "OF COURSE". Of course I can, that is what they serve and it is why the waiter is there.  It was charming and more linguistically correct. It just made me feel like family.

The Broadmoor is also a very dog friendly hotel.  I was occasionally shocked to see an owner and their dog walking the halls or through the gorgeous lobby. I got used to it quickly and engaged dog owners in conversation about my dog Boo.  Most of the dog owners were under the impression that they owned the greatest dog in the world; it was my job to correct them with the fact that the distinction goes to my dog Boo.  

On the last day of our trip all the friendliness became a habit with me as well.  I was coming out of the coffee shop, with a cup of coffee, "Of Course."  Just outside the shop in the lobby was a large black standard poodle sitting next to a window display of fine jewelery.   It was a beautiful dog extremely well groomed but not cut in that fruity poodle way that is so clownish.  I looked down at the dog and said, "You are absolutely gorgeous."  The owner of the dog saw me looking and nodded a "thank you".  

I looked up just in time to make eye contact with a very pretty young lady who turned on her heels from looking in the jewelry store window. She assumed for a moment I was referring to her.  She was trying to process the idea of some "older" gentlemen coming on to her in the lobby of a grand hotel.   I was completely speechless but shot a glance to the dog and shrugged.  She sorted out what had happened and her face lit up with a smile as she played along and said, "Why Thank you."  

It was pleasant enough until a 6 foot 2 guy just within ear shot of this exchange turns on his heels.  He is the young lady's husband or boyfriend or maybe even body guard.  He did not see the dog that started the whole thing,  he simple saw the two of us smiling and exchanging a moment.  He frowned at me with a look that said, "Do I kill you now or wait till we are outside."  Like in so many other moments of stress, my mouth takes over with a babbling cadence.  It went something like, "Ha, Ha, I was talking to the dog... not your wife. Ha Ha" By this moment the dog and the owner were no where to be seen.  "Oh, not that I don't think your wife is also attractive. You see.... but  I would never...." babble babble ending with, "Well, I guess I have to take this coffee to my wife, she is right over there.. Merry Christmas." 

As I walked away I was hoping I would hear the sound of laughter.  I didn't care if they were laughing at me or with me.  But there was only silence, of course.  That is one time when the phrase "no problem" would be appropriate and welcomed.

Have a Happy Last Week of December.  May 2015 be more than you could dream of in every way.

As you were,

Jay

Going Postal....

For several years in my life the Gilbert Chemistry set was "the" Christmas Gift to get from Santa. I never got a Gilbert Chemistry Experiment Lab because Santa seemed to know every year... "A Kid like you with a chemistry set like that would blow himself up."

My parents would tell me that Santa was only thinking of my safety.

Nonetheless, my friend Lindsay a couple of years older than me,who lived just up the street did receive the  Deluxe Gilbert Chemistry Set for Christmas one year. Before we went back to school  Lindsay allowed me to come over and assist in some "Experiments".

We decided to make gun powder. Yes the ingredients to make gun powder were contained in the Deluxe Gilbert Chemistry Set. It was not one of the experiments that came with the Deluxe Gilbert Chemistry Set instruction booklet. However, Lindsay found the formula, at the Library and realized we could actually make black powder.  This was supposed to be a Children's "Educational" Toy, so... making gun powder was a learning experience to me. Fortunately there was a limited amount of chemicals in the  Deluxe Gilbert Chemistry Set  to make an excess of gun powder.  I do remember being shocked at the height to which a Desenex foot powder can flew when propelled by our home made gun powder.    

But that is Christmas past here is a story of Christmas Present.   I love the dual meaning of the word "present":  it is a gift and it is also the moment. Perhaps our greatest gift is the present.

Today was a busy day at the post office. Our Christmas mailing is done, this was a business mailing I had to post. I knew the post office might be busy but,  I thought I would use the automated stamp machine. Unfortunately the machine was out of service, I had to stand in the long line with one envelope.

Several customers ahead of me become upset that there were no more Christmas Stamps.  Finally a Postal Clerk named Dale spoke loudly to the crowd.

"We are out of Christmas stamps. If you are in line for Christmas Stamps we don't have any."

A few people grumbled and left the line behind me.  After a couple more customers Dale once again announces to the crowd,."There are no more Christmas Stamps, we are totally sold out."   Then Dale yells to someone occupying the inner most part of the mail room.  "Janice we need to get a sign out here that lets everyone know we are out of  Christmas stamps."

Janice mumbled back in a way that indicated there would be no sign, it was all up  to Dale alone to deal with the Christmas stamp mob. Once more Dale announced, "There are no more Christmas Theme stamps, we have lots of stamps just no Christmas themes."

I was at the moment thinking how much stress is heaped onto a bunch of days on the calendar. Hanukkah, Christmas,  New Years Eve all crowd the same time of year.  So here is this postal worker trying not to piss people off because they have sold out of Christmas stamps.  The line behind me is now much longer than when I joined.  Dale is dealing with packages that all needed to be somewhere before next week. It is obvious he would need to decompress after this day was over.  Or perhaps he would have to wait until next week for things to return to normal. 

I digress to say my wife believes that my joke radar is not calibrated properly in public situations.  That's to say I am always going for a joke when the situation or the person in real life may not be in the mood for my humor.  Sandi even questions the idea that it is humorous at those times.  That said, it is a fine line that I don't always see clearly.  This was one of those times.

I finally made my way up to Dale. With a 50 yard stare through the place I was standing he mechanically said, "What can I do for you today?" He was in a daze.

I only had a second to think about it and no time to filter what was about to come out of my mouth.

"Got any Christmas stamps?" I said.  

Dale's distant stare was interrupted as he now clearly focused on me and what I had just said.  Fortunately he got it.  He burst out laughing and giggled through the words, "That's a good one you got me." 

My Christmas is complete.  I got a laugh from an over worked,  stressed out postal worker.  Perhaps I even saved lives.

As you were,

Jay 

Ghost of Christmas Present.

I am performing in the Broadmoor Christmas Show this season.  I love the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs.  The history and the old style elegance are tangible and pervasive. I guess my show biz pedigree stimulates a love for really great hotels. This one makes me feel like a Vanderbilt.   There are plenty of places where I can sit and write while looking at the Rockies framing the lake. Or if I find that sort of view too distracting to concentrate I can find hundreds of other writing carrels from a dark wood Pub bar to a mahogany library.  Currently I am in a large lobby like room with only a few desks. If there were fewer people it would be too much like the "Shining" but for me it is the perfect place to write.
The altitude takes some getting used to.  I was late for a cue on rehearsal night and ran to get on stage.  Bob and I made it but our breath did not reach us for several minutes.  Funny the things we take for granted like breathing during the act.
The Broadmoor is all about history and they have old pictures and artifacts decorating the walls.  I find that particularly fascinating and humbling.  There is a hallway where pictures hang of all the celebrities and performers who have been here over the years.  I get a warmth inside realizing one of my hero performers walked these halls before me.
One of the pictures on this "wall of fame" is Bill Cosby.  Several weeks ago that picture might not have caught my attention among the rest.  I liked Bill Cosby but he was never a hero of mine.  I stood there for a moment wondering.  If the walls of the Broadmoor could talk would they say more than has already been revealed about Cosby?  It is easy to imagine that one of the beautiful bars at the hotel might have been the back drop for something other than Fat Albert jokes.  There is even a rumor that Bill Cosby is soon to return to the Broadmoor for a few performances.  There is no promotion of that event on site and scuttle butt has it that the performance will be cancelled.  As much as I don't want to engage in the discussion of Cosby, it seems impossible to avoid. Like the Boradmoor wall of fame, there are so many places where his image has been given a special place that now flashes like a warning beacon.
The idea that a performer, especially a comic on the road, would have an eye for the women who would want to be "with" an icon like a Bill Cosby is not that unusual.  And I have always heard that Cosby was a horn-dog with women.  But what doesn't make sense is the drugging aspect of the stories.  Why would he have to do that unless it is some weird sort of fettish ritual?
I have no skin in this game. I don't care what happens to Bill Cosby. I have no illusion he is any more than a successful television performer. He is not a role model nor a father figure, to me he is a massively wealthy comic who made it big with an act.  I have known a lot of comics that were not the cute fun loving person they play on stage. If people feel betrayed because they held Cosby to a higher moral standard, the pedestal placers are to blame.  If the allegations are true he should be punished like any other serial rapist.  Unfortunately there will never be a judicial remedy, only gossip in the public forum.  He is a rich man and the justice system operates differently for the rich. But Karma is a great equalizer. He has already been convicted and punishment given. No matter what, he will never be allowed to be Bill Cosby ever again. There will always be an asterisk, next to his name that will recount the revelations of the last couple of months.  I doubt this will be of any comfort to the women who now feel violated and betrayed.  But, perhaps for a narcissistic comic who wanted the world his way, it is cosmic justice.
As for me I am pissed that I allowed the contemplation of Bill Cosby invade this lovely day at the Broadmoor.
As you were,
Jay

NOT a Self Promotion....

Brandenburg Gate at Christmas Time

If you are within Wifi of my Facebook, Twitter, Domain site, email or happen to live next door, you know my DVD is now shipping. In fact I am almost getting tired of saying it.
Even though my college Marketing Professor, Dr. McQuarter, said "there is never a time when sales can take the day off," This blog is not about the DVD.
Being dyslexic and a little OCD it is hard for me to concentrate on one thing for very long, like the DVD release.  This "special" condition of mine also has another odd side effect.  Once I make myself concentrate enough to get some "on going task" done, it becomes an obsession. Then I find it difficult NOT to engage in that activity.  Perhaps this conflicted brain is one of the reasons I am able to partition my mind enough to create characters on stage.  As I read this back to myself,  this sounds like some clinical definition of mental illness.
You know my friend Bob Mandan who played Chester Tate, but you may not know him the way I do. He is quite silly and often becomes the "piss elegant" character he played on SOAP for my amusement.  Well,  he was kind enough to attend the Egyptian Theatre Screening of "Jay Johnson: The Two and Only" last week.
At the end of the screening and the Q and A there was a fan who ran down to talk to me.  He mentioned that he had Asperger's then launched into a litany of every performance I ever did. He had seen them all and kept asking me if I remembered them too.  He was phrasing my resume in a way that sounded like he was telling me something that I had never heard before.  At one point he started talking about SOAP and how revolutionary it was.
As Bob Mandan is coming down the aisle the fan is saying, "And Chester Tate was the womanizing ladies man who was not faithful to Jessica, Chester was played by Robert Mandan... do you remember that?"
This person had not seen Mr. Mandan yet.  I got this idea that I would freak the fan out and say, "Well as a matter of fact this is Bob Mandan right here." As the fan kept talking I locked eyes with Mandan.  He had sized up the situation completely and knew that I was probably going to rope him into the melee.  Mandan simply raised one finger and shook it side to side with a "NO No, you don't" gesture.  I burst out laughing. Fortunately the Autistic Fan thought it was something funny that he himself had said and never knew.
The picture above is from a Christmas a couple of years ago we spent with our son in Berlin.  It was certainly a different Christmas than what we are used to in LA.
Happy Holidays,
As you were,
Jay

Bang Bang... "Stop or I'll shoot."

Two EMT's are called to see after a man who is sprawled on the sidewalk outside a bar.  When they get there they see that the man is already dead. There is nothing they can do and it is almost time for them to be off work.  One EMT says to the other,
"Let's go have a drink inside before we have to haul this guy to the morgue."
"What do we do with the stiff?"
"We leave him right here.... he ain't going nowhere,"
They go inside the bar and have several drinks.
After awhile a  Cop comes along and sees the man lying there and says, "Hey buddy move it."
The stiff does not comply.
"I told you to get out of here buddy" and he pokes him with his baton.
The stiff doesn't move.
"Don't make me get all up on your ass. Move on."
The stiff is still noncompliant.  With that the officer throws a choke hold on the guy puts his knee on the guys neck and starts to handcuff him.
At this very moment the EMT's walk out of the bar.  They see the Cop wrestling with the corpse. They run up,  pull the Cop off the guy and say, "Officer he's dead."
The Cop says.... "I had to kill him....he pulled a knife."

I used to think that was a funny joke.  Perhaps not so much any more. There is a lot of speculation about how to interact with the police these days. Excessive and lethal force being used against unarmed non threatening people seems to be the rule. I am hearing on the news that I should just "do what the policeman tells me to do" and I won't get shot.  I am not persuaded.  This "compliance" theory is only as good as the trust I have in the Cop telling me what to do.  A Cop's desire to be a control freak does not negate my rights as an American and a human being. What about the cases we know about when officers have made women strip naked for their mug shots.  Or the recent case of deputies sodomizing a detainee with a broom stick.  Are we simply supposed to "comply" to those orders to avoid being beaten or shot? Seeing the underbelly of society so much of the time a Cop can start seeing everyone as a perp. Instead of seeing each encounter with the public as a unique situation, the public becomes objectified as criminals who have not been caught... yet. 
What you hear a lot is: "Well, if you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to be afraid of."  That is the stupidest reasoning ever, and usually comes from people who have had little or no interaction with the police.  Innocent people are the victims of mistaken identity more times than not. To a Cop everyone is a suspect.
The idea that as Americans we are innocent until proven guilty is completely not true.  Every time you go to the airport you have to prove to the TSA that you are not a threat.  You are a terrorist until you submit to invasion of your privacy so they can determine you are an innocent traveler.
It is the same if you are detained by the police.  You are not innocent in his eyes.  You are guilty until he says you can go free. 
Routinely people who are stopped by an officer are handcuffed for "YOUR SAFETY and MINE" says the Cop.  It has nothing to do with YOUR safety.  You are restrained so the officer can control and dominate you until he decides how to proceed. No matter what the reason for the stop, when a policeman detains you there are hundreds of laws he can use to justify your arrest.  There is only one way you will be let go;  the policeman has to determine he has nothing on you that will stick. 

I don't want to be a policeman. I appreciate someone who takes charge of a dangerous situation and has the training to defuse it.  But Cops think they are in the detain and arrest business, when they are actually in the "trust" business. If Cops worked harder to develop our trust in their snap judgements we would be safer, freer and ultimately happier. But until Police know they will face swift and just punishment for their abuse of power the bad apple cops will continue to abuse their badge. 

Rodney King said, during the worst of the LA riots,  "Can't we all just get along?"  Sounds easy enough and simple enough but how can I get along with a Cop who needs to cuff me behind my back before we have a conversation or if I am struggling to say I can not breath under the weight of his boot on my neck?  When Cops are not made accoutable they become a gang of bullies with badges.  "If you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear?"  That is never true with bullies.

As you were,

Jay

Repost - November 22, 2014

Friday, November 15, 2013

Kennedy Connection

I am not an avid reader but I have read almost every book on the subject of the Kennedy Assassination. (I can even spell assassination without looking it up). There have been some completely loony theories, some creative theories and some compelling theories on the subject. I have my own opinion based upon the local coverage from WFAA in Dallas immediately after the shooting.  

I am not a "lone gunman" believer.  I will never be sure exactly how Oswald was involved, but think he was more of a patsy than anything else. Once you open up the possibility that it was a planned operation it gets difficult to follow. It is not so important if the secret service driver of the limo pulled a hand gun and shot the President, or if it was E. Howard Hunt who shot the President from a storm drain below Elm Street. Obviously those are crucial details in the murder but what group is responsible for the plot to kill the President. Three groups are usually thought of as suspects.  They are:

1) The CIA. It is true that Kennedy didn't like the CIA and they didn't like him.  He was supposed to support the CIA Bay of Pigs invasion with air support but he didn't and the operation was a disaster.  Kennedy was quoted as saying he was going to "splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces and scatter it into the winds". 

Side note: Allen Dulles, head of the CIA was fired by Kennedy over the Bay of Pigs incident. Several of his staff resigned in protest including deputy director Charles Cabell.  Allen Dulles was later appointed to the Warren Commission by Lyndon Johnson.

2)The Mafia.  It is believe that the Mob helped Kennedy get elected in a very close race with Nixon.  There were voting districts in the Chicago area that seem to have been as tainted as any in Florida during the 2000 election.  Sam Giancana, the Chicago boss, was said to have "influenced" the ballot boxes in several districts.  However, once in office JFK unleashes his brother as Attorney General who began to crack down on organized crime with a manic passion.  Carlos Marcello, New Orleans mob boss was dogged by Robert Kennedy and is quoted as saying, "Take the stone from my shoe" meaning get Bobby Kennedy off his back.  Santos Trafficante the Miami/Cuba mob boss said, "If you cut the dogs tail off the head will still bite. If you cut the dogs head off the tail no longer wags." The Traficante idea was, kill the president and his brother will no longer be the Attorney General. After he heard that President Kennedy had been killed, Jimmy Hoffa is quoted as saying "Well, that makes Bobby Kennedy just another lawyer, doesn't it?" (Five years later Bobby was assassinated when it looked like he might become president) 

3)Wealthy Texas Right Wing Radicals.  Dallas hated Kennedy and the day he arrived for the visit there was a full page ad in the Dallas Morning News accusing him of treason and calling for his impeachment.  Months before Adli Stevenson was physically assaulted by a protester when he was visiting Dallas, Texas. Dallas in particular, was a hot bed of hatred toward the Kennedys. Earl Cabell was mayor of Dallas at the time of the assassination. He was the third generation of a Cabell as mayor of Dallas. His Father and Grandfather had both been mayor of Dallas. More importantly Earl Cabell is the brother of Charles Cabell ousted deputy director of the CIA.  The fact that the route of the motorcade through Dallas needed the Mayor's approval has always been a curious connection to the tragedy. 

It is possible to make a case that any one of these three "groups" could have motive to plan and execute the assassination. They were all one in reality.  Here is how they connect.

It is easy to connect the Mafia and the CIA. They were both working together to take Cuba back from Castro. For the CIA it was strategic and for the Mob it was business since all their casinos had been nationalized and then closed by Castro. Frank Angelo Fiorini was in several branches of the United States military, aided Fidel Castro in the Cuban revolution of 1958, and worked as an undercover operative for the CIA. When Castro won the revolution he appointed Frank Fiorini as "head of national gaming" for Cuba. Fiorini was the contact between Castro and the Mafia operations of the casinos for a year after the revolution.  Fiorini left Cuba when Castro closed the mafia hotels. It is obvious he continued in the employ of the CIA. Frank Fiorini later changed his name to Frank Sturgis and was arrested in the Watergate Break in. He alone proves the link between the CIA, Cuba and the Mafia. 

It is also easy to connect rich Texas Right Wing radicals with the CIA at the time.  In the early late 50's early 60's George H.W. Bush owned the Zapata Offshore Company, a subsidiary which specialized in offshore drilling in Houston Texas. Although Mr. Bush would later become head of the CIA, Vice-President and eventually President there is no proof that he was CIA during his oil company days. However, two of the ships used in the Bay of Pigs invasion (provided by a wealthy un-named Texas oil man) were named the "Zapata" and the "Barbara" two names closely associated with George H.W. Bush. In the Warren commission it states that private citizen George H. W. Bush was "briefed" on the assassination investigation by the government the day after the event.  This was before Mr. Bush was part of the official government. He was one of the only private citizens to receive an official briefing.  I am not implying that "George the first" had anything to so with the assassination of John Kennedy. I simply point out that the over lap between the prime suspects in this case is more than coincidental. 

So there you have it 50 years later and it is still a mystery.  I suggest it will always be.  There is no smoking gun proof of anything including the theory that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I am pretty sure the Warren Commission got it wrong, but it will be the only story that will survive ultimately.  Twenty-five years from now we will find an empty file that will lead to more mystery.

As you were,

Jay   

To Post or not to Post... that is the question....

Don't you just wonder how many twitter followers William Sheakspear would have if he were writing today? How could he come up with all that literature not having a bunch of "likes" and half a dozen reposts, retweets and shares?  How did he know he was popular, and how did he get people to come and see his plays without creating a Facebook event?
Not only that but we will never know what "William" had for lunch as he was writing "Twelveth Night". We don't know if it took him more than twelve nights to write it if there was no "time line". Would there be selfies of author and cast as the Globe? I would love to see a post like this:

"Bill ...saw Mid Sum Nite Drm yesterday... LOL"     or

"OMG William that clip of Hamlet and the Skull went viral"  or

"Juliette and Romeo both die at the end?????.... WTF"

Likes, Thumbs up, pokes, friends, followers and feeds are just numbers.  The time it takes to click or touch a word on a computer screen is in direct proportion to the depth of sincerity in the act.  It always makes me chuckle at the irony of clicking "like" on a post about the death of a relative or family pet.   "My Father passed away this morning suddenly"....  LIKE!  It has become so thoughtless that Like and Friend have lost all traditional meaning.  Friend has even become a verb.  "I friended him the other day."  of  "I had to unfriend that douche bag."   Like now means... I "clicked".
Why are these "numbers" so important and when did they become so?  I'm asking because I don't know.
What I do know is that in today's world the question asked at Call Back auditions to get an acting part is: "How may Twitter followers and Facebook friends do you have?" When two actors are equal in all other aspects of being right for the part... the one with the most "followers" gets the job. As if these numbers translate into viewers or ticket buyers. In the words of sage and bald Texan Dr. Phil... "How is that working out for you?" Why not skip that acting class or dance school and spend the time working on increasing your "social media" numbers?
There are reasons why this is on my mind today.  Within moments of the Presidents speech last night my Facebook "home" feed displayed some very hateful things about our duly elected Commander in Chief.  I'm okay with differing points of view and civil debate, but this was hateful, ignorant, racist jingoism.  All of these awful things were posted by Facebook Friends.  It was then I realized I don't hang around with people like that in real life and they would certainly not ever be a friend with those feelings.  Every time I saw one of those race bating rants I went to that person's page and unfriended them.  It's not that I only want to associate with people who feel exactly the way I do, No. I am not in total agreement with all the people I know and love, politically, religiously or sometimes even philosophically. But we can enjoy our differences in civil discourse, and lively debate. Friends don't act like yelling screaming political talk show hosts.

As John Cleese and Michael Palin said in a Monty Python sketch...
Michael: "An argument is not the back and forth name calling and repetitive yelling of the words yes and no"
John: "Yes it is"
Michael: "No it's not"

In my younger days I had great admiration for politicians who sat across the aisle from each other with totally different points of view but could work together on a compromise that was generally better than either side could come up with on their own.  Was Sen. Everett Durksen a Republican?  Was Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn a Democrat?  I would have to look it up.  Back then it was just a party affiliation not a lock step group of ignorant followers.  Back then we at least pretended there was respect and democracy. America is not Red or Blue, the Constitution says a true American is colorless.

Today respect has been assassinated and democracy means "we are in charge now" so fuck off.
And it is true from both sides of the aisle.  If our standing in the world has been lowered it is due to the fact that our enemies only have to repeat the hateful things our leaders say about each other. What ugly things could an enemy say about our President that has not already been said about him on the Senate and Congressional floor.
Hey ISIS... If you are looking for people to recruit that spew hate toward our leaders,  hand out some flyer's when the House of Representatives is in session.
I'll quit ranting now so you can go to my page and unfriend me.  However, I am making a conscious effort not to post, print, write, tweet, share, blog or acknowledge hate and his friend fear in my life.
As you were,
Jay

Mike Nichols

When I was old enough to be aware of what Comedy "is" my first crush was on Nichols and May.  Not just because they were a comedy team (like I wanted to be as a ventriloquist) but because of what kind of Comedy they performed.

Most of the comedy going around the Sullivan show at the time was borsch belt brand humor. The routines were mainly set up jokes and stories. Make believe situations with stereo typical characters.  There were a lot of mother-in-law jokes and one liners like "Take my wife.. please".  I did not think these comics were so much funny as goofy.  Even comedy teams like Martin and Lewis did goofy humor. Martin the suave Italian singer and Lewis a frenetic chimp interrupting the song with stupid.  Allen and Rossi, Steve Rossi an Italian singer Mary Allen a wild haired troll with a lobotomy.

They say a comedian says funny things and a clown says things funny.  Then there was Nichols and May. They didn't look funny.  They weren't clowns. They didn't do funny ethnic accents. They did real characters in real situations that became hysterically funny as the situation drove the humor. Things like: The mounting frustration of a man who wants to get his dime back from a pay phone operator.  A funeral director who offers a cheap funeral while adding on "extras" like a casket and driver for the hearse.  They gave us a satirical look at how our everyday lives can spiral into a comedy of errors from just trying to communicate.  The jokes came out of the frustrating situations we all find ourselves in from time to time.  They were the sirens for the fogged out beatnik generation that was morphing into a society of consciousness seeking hippies.  Put on one of their albums, close your eyes and let them take you on a journey not that different from your own life only funny.

At the height of their career  Nichols and May were hired to write and perform the voices for cartoon characters to sell Jax Beer.  Jax was a New Orleans beer company that was more a regional brand than national.  The commercials were hysterical and sometimes better than the shows they were sponsoring.

For example:  A funny looking lady walks into a bar.  She has a funny little voice and orders a Jax beer.  The bartender gives her the beer and says "Here you go, Jax beer" in the same funny little voice. Lady says, "Are you making fun of my voice?"  In the same voice the bartender says "No. absolutely not. Ma'am" At this point a man come up and orders a Jax beer in a very normal voice.  In a regular normal voice the bartender says "Here you go my friend a Jax beer." The man walks away and the lady, a little pissed off, says to the bartender, "I thought you said you were not making fun of my voice." in the same funny voice the bartender says, "I wasn't making fun of your voice... I was making fun of his."

The commercials were extremely successful to the point I still remember that one to this day.  However, after one cycle the commercials were discontinued.  Not because they were not popular but because even though the commercials were great the Beer remained awful.  The commercials became more popular than the beer.

I was destroyed when Nichols and May broke up.  It wasn't a drama like Martin and Lewis, I guess Elaine and Mike decided they had done all they could together. I felt like the most popular kid at school had just moved away.  I was going to miss their talents just as I was trying to find my own.

Elaine May went into writing and acting.  She was hysterically funny as the ditzy millionaire opposite Walter Mathau in "A New Leaf" and other projects.  Mike Nichols became a Broadway director.  and a Film director  (check out those credits) and one of the few people to become an EGOT ( winner of an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony.. EGOT) AND he married Diane Sawyer.  He was a genius of real comedy, funny and real.  I was never fortunate enough to meet him but will always be a huge fan.

Nichols and May made it possible for comics like Bill Cosby to become stars doing real life situational humor and not just jokes.  Perhaps that is the very reason why Mike Nichols decided to move on after 83 incredibly creative years on earth. He didn't want to see what he started in the hands of a comic that  now seems so unworthy. Mike Nichols was the real deal and from what I have heard a wonderful person.  He will be missed in so many ways.

As you were,

Jay

Culture of Fear

Once in a while something makes you stop and think. We seem to live in a constant state of fear nowadays.  ISIS, Ebola, Iran, North Korea and the government are  just a few of the things that can make us  pull the covers over our head and cower. What is it that is making us so afraid?

The event that made me start contemplating this idea was a video I saw yesterday.  It is going around the Internet.  In the video a fundamental Christian woman explains why the energy drink Monster is a product of Satan.  She states that the stylize M on the can is actually the Hebrew character for the number 6 repeated three times, or "666" (Satan's personal license plate number see illustration).  Since my lucky number is 7,  I always thought it looked like three sevens.  

As an artist it looks like the scratch marks that Monster claws would make.  But the idea that the logo might be the mark made by a monster fits nicely into her interpretation.  My advertising professor at the University of North Texas would call it perfect "artistic symbolism that reinforces the name of the product." (Baskin Robins has an incredible logo which also does that very well.  The BR actually becomes a 31 for the number of flavors of ice cream they serve).

Back to the Satanic energy drink. The Christian lady points out there is a cross in the middle of the O in the name. But although the cross is a sacred symbol to Christians that is not the intent of this logo. It is there because when you turn it upside down to drink out of the can you are inverting the cross. The inverted cross is one of Satan's favorite emoticons.  

Although the Christian Lady sees a cross, I see a circle with a line through it.  In Algebra that symbol means "there is no solution"  a "null equation".  In other words, to me it means  "absolutely nothing" literally and mathematically.  

Some time ago fanatic Christians thought that there were "back masked" lyrics in rock and roll music.  That's the idea that when played backwards certain songs suggest satanic worship. There were lots of religious zealots who were playing songs backwards to hear the Satanic message.  Marylin Manson spoke up during this outrage to say, "If we could write songs that had a backwards hidden meaning we wouldn't disguise Satanic messages. We would hide the message 'buy more of my records.' " 

With all due respect to the differing opinion of the Monster drink Church Lady, she is not  promoting the Love and understanding  of her religion ... she is promoting a culture of fear.  In this case we need to fear going to hell for consuming a Demonically inspired energy drink.

If there is a personified devil the power would not be in the enigmatic symbolism of an energy drink, or rock and roll lyrics backwards, the power and control would be in the Fear.  It is said that "the devil is in the details".  Not true the devil is in the fear.  Franklin Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".  

The roots of fear are found in oppression,  ignorance, isolation and intolerance.  Fear is always used to control and suppress the masses.  Alexander the Great hired mercenaries to occasionally raid the outlying villages of his empire.  He kept the people in fear of attack from an unnamed enemy so they would not break away from his rule. 

So.. Church Lady I have never consumed a Monster Energy drink nor have I even held a can in my hands.  I guess I am near the "front of the line to heaven". I would certainly be in front of those unknowing sinners who participated in the Satanic ritual of inverting the cross when they were just trying to stay awake in class. However, I think my personal salvation is not a matter of canned drinks.  Someone named Jesus once said, "Fear not... neither be afraid".  Instead of trying to teach us to fear advertising graphics, why not teach us how to  do that?

As you were,

Jay

The Meeting of Artists

Some time ago I wrote about the relationship between the puppet maker and the ventriloquist.  If you didn't get a chance to see it, here is a link to the post about my friend Kirk Thatcher.

Kirk is a member of the notorious Bubonic Players and has become one of the most famous "monster makers" of our generation.  If you were a fan of Jim Henson's Creature Shop television show you will know Kirk from his duties as a judge on that show mentoring a new generation of monster makers.

For years the Bubonic Players would take over the Comedy and Magic Club to present an annual Halloween show.  It was produced and written by me and my partner/friend Harry Anderson, so it was a mash up between a scary ride through a haunted house and a comedy show.  We finally had to quit doing the show when our kids got old enough to go trick or treating.  For one year we actually tried to use them in the show.  They liked it but the reward of audience applause was not enough to come between kids and the yearly pursuit of candy.  The shows have now become part of Comedy and Magic Club history and are even more impressive in the retelling of fond memories. 

For several years the recurring star of the Halloween show was "Log Chainey" the psychopathic wooden killer.  Every year at Halloween Log, an inmate at the Home for the criminally insane, would escape.  His hatred for ventriloquists and magicians not to be contained.  He would seek out those performers to exact revenge.  This would, of course,  cause him to break into the Club while we were performing.  He always made his way for me first since he hates ventriloquists for their constant wood jokes.  He would take me hostage by grabbing me at the waist and dragging me on stage. Log Chainey is a 7 foot evil tree/man puppet created by Kirk Thatcher.  

I knew that I had pictures of Kirk and me with his creation.  They seemed to be lost in Halloween files past. However, yesterday while looking for a document I found them filed in the wrong place. Here are those pictures. 

I'm not sure how old Kirk is in this picture because he has always been a kid in my eyes. (an extremely talented, funny and creative kid).

It is a shame that no video exists of Log in action because the illusion is so much better in motion.  Log is actually a body puppet with a leg switch.  The green scrubs that Log wears (barely visible in these pictures) are actually my legs.  The legs in the tuxedo pants are fake.  It looks as if Log is dragging me along. It was an uncomfortable position to maintain so the routine was much longer than 7 minutes.  

I miss doing those shows very much. Particularly now that the kids are grown and there is nothing to keep us home on Halloween night any more. It was always a challenge to come up with a new show each year for the club.  Harry and I usually spent more money than we made, but the value we received from the creative challenge was priceless.  Nethernore, Long John LaFeat (another Thatcher creation) and Log Chainey were just a few of the characters that were created for the Bubonic Players Halloween show.  There is nothing more satisfying to an artist than the pursuit of expanding his art.  

So here is a shout out to Kirk a creative genius, Harry who is from an other planet and Mike Lacey,  the nicest person in the world to deal with and owner of the Comedy and Magic Club.

I paraphrase a line from the movie "Stand By Me" which asks, "are there ever any friends like the friends of your youth?"  Probably not but the joy and blessings from those youthful associations feed your soul for a long time after.   

I miss Log Chainey.  He is probably ready to perform again.... I'm just not sure my body can handle it again. But there are 11 more months till Halloween if I start limbering up now... who knows.

As you were,

Jay 

Comedy or Drama

How many times have you heard someone one say regarding an unusual event,  "You couldn't make that stuff up." This response is a total denial of the truth.  OF COURSE YOU CAN MAKE IT UP, just because it is a story you haven't heard before doesn't mean that it's the truth or even that unusual. 

We are all blind men trying to describe an Elephant to a blind population.* The elephant is the story of our lives. 

I am not saying that our lives are nothing more than stories. I am saying, the way we interpret our lives is nothing more than a story.  Our lives become the story that has become comfortable enough for us to share with others.  In reality it is all we know about others. Since we can not experience any body's life from the inside out,  all we really know about anyone is the story they tell or that others tell about them.   

I once saw a Top hat that looked every bit to be 140 years old.  Well taken care of, but fading with age,  it was an interesting item.  If I had seen it in a thrift shop I might have offered five dollars to buy it.  Other than obviously being old there was nothing that made the Top hat very special. However , I did not see it in a thrift shop but in a traveling exhibit at a Los Angeles Museum.  It was (according to the story) Abraham Lincoln's top hat warn on the steps of the Capitol during his Inauguration.  Priceless. 

The value of the item was only in the story. How much more complicated it is to assess value on human beings much more complicated than a hat. A human story is full of plot twists and decisions that change direction.  Our story is like the mental mask we wear. We tell the story of a person we want others to believe we are. Like an old Top hat we can only know so much about a person by observing.  Our story becomes the most important part of our sense of value. 

In one of my English classes, either high school or college, I found a quote by a noted British author. I have forgotten the class, the teacher, the author and everything else associated with it except, I did not forget the quote.  Here it is:

"He wears a Mask and his face soon grows to fit it."  

I carried these words in my wallet for decades.  It made total sense then and now.  What we project to the world usually becomes what we are.  It is our story, our autobiography, the way we want to be seen.  

The truth is: we are the writers of our own story.  And the stories are so complex as to fool us into saying, "You couldn't make that stuff up." We are making every thing up as we go, so why not write a comedy.  

I would love to make my life a comedy, but there is nothing funny about what happens in my life. Every time I think that I am getting ahead, something slaps me back down. Why would I write a story like that?

So your story is: I have no control over what happens... "something" always goes wrong.  Why not write a story with the theme "I have total control over "something" that might happen."  You are the hero of your own story, why not give yourself super powers.  

As always this blog is intended for the sole purpose of Jay Johnson attempting to understand himself. Not for the use of anyone else.  Do not read this if you are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant while reading. Tell your doctor that you have read or plan to read any other posts in this blog.  Side effects may include loss of limbs, organs or even consciousness.  Stop reading this blog if you have sudden feelings of sadness, nausea, ventrilophobia or have an erection that lasts more than 4 hours.  Women should avoid contact with anyone who might have read this blog and if a woman reading this blog accidentally has an erection that lasts more than 4 hours, you are on your own.  Call immediately if you have the symptoms of a life threatening condition.  

As you were,

Jay

*Three blind men are touching an elephant describing it as they conceive it.  One touches the tusk and says the Elephant "is like a tree."  One touches the tail and says the Elephant "is like a rope".  Another touches the elephant's trunk and says the Elephant "is like a snake."