I have never particularly tried to hide the fact that I suffer from depression. It runs in my family, particularly on my Mom’s side. In those early days it was virtually dismissed and ignored by most of them, even the sever depressives. At least I have become aware of the potential of the problem and have tools available, chemical and therapeutical, that can help me manage. I accomplish it fairly well and have learned methods to cope with it, but that submarine is cruising so close to the surface I can always see the periscope. This comes as a shock to some friends with whom I have contact only when my moods are under control. I rarely let my guard down in public or any social situation. But that is enough of telling tales out of school.
Because I was born between June 22 and July 22, I am a moon child by astrological birth. Even before I knew what depression was I associated my moods with the phases of the moon. I knew just enough astrology to erroneously think that the moon was to blame for my shifting feelings.
So last night when there was to be a lunar eclipse, I associated it with my recent bout of anxiety. To make the event even more spectacular it was to be a “Wolf Blood Moon”. I am not sure where the Wolf name originated but the blood comes from the color the moon takes on during the time the sun’s light reflecting off the surface is being shadowed by the Earth. That color is red, which is the slowest moving wave of the spectrum. Partly out of curiosity and mostly out of distraction from my depressed mood, I decided to turn this eclipse into a ritual of observance.
When I turned to my StarWalk app last night to observe the position of the moon I realized the “Wolf Blood Moon” was occurring in the middle of my zodiacal sun sign, Cancer. The symbolism was all there: my happiness, the fullness of the moon, was being diminished and turned to blood by the darkness, my depression, by the shadow Earth. And all of this was happening inside the very crab shell of my birth.
Several years ago my sister gave me some Tarot cards of Lunar design, patterned after all things of the moon. Last night, during the period of lunar redness, I took the deck outside and spread them face up on a flat rock in the front yard to be bathed in the mystic orange of the moon. (Note: I am almost sure that in one of my lives I was a Druid. Elemental ritual comes almost instinctive to me). The ritual helped, it is always good to be pro-active during times of depression, anything to stay out of the squirrel cage of the downward spiral. Ritual or not, what is wonderful about and eclipse is this: three hours after the moon starts to radically change its shape and color, it is back in full radiance. I went to sleep looking forward to the daytime when I could cast the Lunar cards and see what influence the Wolf Blood had on my Tarot reading.
As I woke I breathed a sigh of relief because I had made it through a cosmically symbolic depression and I was still here. No sooner than I had turned on the radio to get the weather the DJ said,
“Well it is January 21, 2019, the third Monday in January known as Blue Monday. Psychologist say that the third Monday in January is traditionally a depressing day for most people. They sight the full onset of winter weather, the length of time from the holidays and the seeming endless days til Spring.” It seems that today is the day that everything catches up on North Americans to push their moods to the max. With that in mind I’m sure I need to wait at least another day before I do that ritualized Tarot reading for myself.
All of this is to say, if you are feeling the least bit down about anything today... blame it on the moon, blame it on the calendar, blame it on your team losing, blame it on the cycle of the universe... just know one thing: (it is what I am telling myself today). This too shall pass. As the moon begins to bleed and grow smaller we know that it will come back, it will be bright again. The night will become the day and sadness will become happiness. In other words:
As you were,
Jay
Thanks, Jay.
ReplyDeleteThat helps.
Great post, Jay. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing,Jay. My mom and I also from time to time.
ReplyDelete