Laffs Vegas

Not so much.
The lady behind the desk at the hotel is way too serious. She is not rude, but on the border line of civility. I don't know why I feel compelled to try and intervene in a social crisis like this, but it is like a flame to the moth. I really can't help it... call it comedy Turrets syndrome. I watch her as she is helping those in line ahead of me. I analyze this prospective audience so to speak. I change the metaphor, it is not a moth to the fame, it is more like the wolf watching sheep. My show biz instincts are straining at the lead. The frowning clerk seems to reward efficiency and speed. Don't make her ask for a credit card imprint... you'll just make her growl. But no problem...I've had tougher audiences than her... I just got off a ship for crap sake.

It is my turn at the desk. I am pumped ready and on my game. There is, however, a speed bump to my plan. I arrive early to Vegas. What usually happens is they have your reservation but your room is not ready until 3:00pm. It is a ploy that makes you wait either in the bar, restaurant or casino for a couple of hours where you will spend money out of boredom. Even though the telethon set up the flight and the hotel reservations the very efficient lady behind the desk says, "Let me see if we have a room available..this early". She stresses the word *early* like I have broken the "Inn Keepers golden rule" by not checking in at the proper time.
With that serious hang dog face she types furiously on her key board. I still want to brighten her day but want her to get me a room first. Finally she says, "The only room we have right now has two queens in it.... Is that okay?"
I said, "As long as they have checked out before I go to bed."

Okay.... now that may not be the most original line, but it was organic, to the point and funny, or at least witty enough to garner a smile. No so from the Mount Rushmore of the hotel clerks. Neither a smile, twinkle, wink, blush nor noticeable change to her countenance could be found. I smiled at her as if to say, "Trust me, I am a professional and yes that is a funny line." but nothing. It was like staring at a photograph of the worst teacher you ever had in grade school. In my case that would be Mrs. McClure...good ole redheaded Mrs. McClure. That tight assed scottish personality with a hair trigger temper to boot. Today she would be fired for psychological child abuse, back then they just called those kinds of teachers.... stern. Nurse Ratchet had more love in her heart than Mrs. McClure...not even sure she had a heart. (Wow... I wasn't expecting that to come up.... but just in case Mrs. McClure who taught second grade at Abernathy Elementary school - happens to be reading this--- she is probably in her 80's by now and as Dick Chaney can attest to... people with no heart live longer than those who do have hearts.... If you are reading this Mrs. McClure.... BITE ME you old BAG PIPE)

Scooby Doo wiggle fade, BACK TO THE HOTEL STORY------

"Here are your keys Mr. Johnson...... Next", she yells at the line. As I am leaving in defeat the next person has not come to her desk with proper haste and very loudly and ironically she says again, "Next Person...Next in Line..." I sincerely hope that the next guy has better luck than I did. There was no time to warn him of the seriousness of the encounter he was about to have. Unfortunate Bastard, he was just moments away from getting the hot chick that just came on duty.
Life is too short. You gotta laugh when you get the chance.
As you were,
Jay