UberRat Is No More

There was a year when Taylor wanted a pet rat for Christmas. At the same time an unwelcome "Rattus norvegicus" - Norwegian grey rat - had taken residency in our house. As you will come to understand, I do not tollerate Rattus norvegicus taking residence in my house and set out to eliminate him.

I remember thinking how balanced life was as I drove home that Christmas Eve. I had rat traps on one side of the car and Taylor's beautiful  White Christmas Rat in a brand new cage on the other. You save a rat and you kill a rat... the world goes on. Balance and Happiness.

That Christmas I successfully caught the intruder, disposed of the evidence and cleaned up a space for Santa to bring the Christmas gift rat before the evenings local news. Once again balance and happiness.

My success at catching rats is very good.  Maybe catching rats is not the correct image.   I am the Rattus norvegicus terminator. I learned the skill of rat terminating as part of the "on the job" training when we bought the house on Varna. To the rats outside, those in the trees eating my oranges or running in the bushes, I tolerate with a live and let live attitude. You have your rat life and I have mine. Don't bother me I won't bother you.  But come into my house by any means other than a cage and it is a death to all such intruders. There is usually a 6 month detente between rat invasions, but eventually I get them all. I have perfected bait and technique to out wit even the best of Rattus norvegicus.

For the last year or so there have been no rats. But that all changed a month ago. Taylor sites a rat running toward the utility room from the pool table late one evening.  When I am told about this incursion,  I spring into Rattus norvegicus terminator mode.

I begin to assess all the routes the rat might take, where he might be hiding, where he would look for food and what were his favorite hours of the night to forage. I used my best trap, and placed it in a perfect spot. He didn't fall for it. I reset and relocated the trap with my secret rat bait. I don't use any poison. The rat's ultimate revenge is to eat the poison, crawl into your bedroom wall and die. Been there and done that and the memory is not pleasant.

But this current rat would not fall for any of my standard tricks. He slipped one of my best traps. After a couple of weeks and no evidence of the rat, I thought he had left. A few days later there was, once again, a Rattus norvegicus encounter. Taylor is now convinced the rat is a mutant with advanced reasoning. He begins to refer to the rodent as *Uber Rat* because he has out smarted the terminator for weeks.  Taylor did watch a lot of Ninja Turtles and Pinky and the Brain episodes when he was a child. I myself do not believe in mutated rats, at least not one that can out smart me.

Two nights ago I baited my favorite trap with "Jayson's Brand- Rat Irresistible" and waited. The next morning the trap had not been sprung. However, Uber Rat had been able to lick all the "Jayson's Brand- Rat Irresistible" rat bait off of the trigger of the trap, clean. He seemed to possess the skill of a surgeon and the touch of the bomb squad touch to accomplish the task without springing the "surprise". Uber rat indeed.

This brings us to last night. Same patented bait...same path for the rat... different trap. Yes they have built a better rat trap and it is now in the terminator arsenal. Uber Rat's luck and or skill ran out. Just like on Christmas eve the deed was done, evidence erased and once again I was the Rat King strutting to bed before David Letterman did the top ten. The only clue was scribbled on the refrigerator dry erase board... it read, "Uber Rat is no more."

As you were,

Jay