The odds on a piece of buttered bread falling butter side up on a carpet are directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
A Glock 9mm beats for Aces in a game of Texas Hold 'em.
If a dog is man's best friend, then a cat is an Asian food delicacy.
If two wrongs do not make a right, then two Wrights make an airplane.
Nine out of ten doctors surveyed say that they would not be surveyed again.
Out of the 27 side effects of the flu drug Flangelsta 26 of them are the same as having the flu.
Everyone that ate home grown tomatoes in 1832 is dead.
100 our of 17 people are poor at math.
A comic is someone who says funny things. A clown is someone who says things funny. That makes me a... ventriloquist.