Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Editors Note:
As our readers know, a battle between the editorial staff and writer of this blog has played out publicly on this site. The Law firm of Hunt, Lunt, Funt and Cunningham has filed an injunction at the ICA (Internet Court of Appeals) concerning the Editorial Staff's actions to go dark with the blog yesterday. The editors have been forced to retain services of Capra, Copala, Kazan and Houston Law firm to represent us in this action. Trunion Tilt, a senior partner of that firm has suggested that instead of continuing to publish an empty blog we publish some of Mr. Johnson's current work, redacted of course. So here is the redacted essay from Mr. Johnson submitted on September 3rd, entitled "Cats? Do they make good candles?" We now let you to decided in the court of public opinion.
J. Arthur Tildad, Editor at Large.

Written by Jay Johnson:
Don't get me wrong, I love cats. They aren't dogs but neither are pigs. When processed and prepared properly a pig is much tastier than a dog or a cat, so each have their function. But cats can have many more uses than even a pig. Consider a cat as illumination for you next out door barbecue. (sentence deleted - Ed.)...... If you think of the tail as the wick you can ( sentence deleted- Ed.)....... The only problem now is how to keep the "candles" from running away and setting your shrubby on fire. I have found that if you (paragraph deleted - Ed.)....... but make sure you use a non flammable tape.

The last major obstacle is the smell. A burning cat is not citronella by any means, but if you (paragraph deleted - Ed.)

And there you have it. An average sized house cat will burn for a couple of hours if you, ( six words deleted - Ed.)....... certainly not the same length of time as a wax candle, but much brighter and more exciting. You can always turn the music up higher to cover the (ending deleted - Ed.)

As (two words deleted - Ed.),
Jay

4 comments:

Erik Gustafson said...

Pure genius.
Thank you

Roomie said...

We are just not believing all this!!
TB&P

J. Arthur Tildad said...

Sorry to have to redact this blog like this but it really was not up to standards. There are many cat lovers out there that just don't want to hear this sort of stuff.

Kenny Croes said...

I don't think I care to light up a cat. I already scorched my eyebrows after dipping Wintergreen Lifesavers in bleach. I think I've had all the excitement I need for one blog. (I wonder if Hunt, Lunt, Funt and Cunningham takes personal injury cases).